


CALL OUT MY NAME.

by Accio_Finn_Nelson7



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Harry Styles - Freeform, MMFD - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:42:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 67,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23549350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accio_Finn_Nelson7/pseuds/Accio_Finn_Nelson7
Relationships: Harry Styles & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 4





	1. Watch where you're going.

1.

“Bea! You came!”  
Alcohol. Alcohol, cigarettes and a variety of perfumes and aftershaves is all she could smell. The further she moved within the house the smell of something illegal made it’s presence known. Well, she wriggled rather than moved for the house could barely contain the intoxicated adults. Her body became engulfed into a loving hug. Stacey, pretty both on the outside as well as the in. Hair cut into somewhat of a bob, colours of dark and light melted into one another. A piercing occupying her nose, something new, had spotted the dainty girl and made hast,

“Well after your constant texts, I couldn’t not show my face,” 

Bea was grateful to be released from the embrace, the house stiflingly warm. Stacey gave a look,   
“Yeah, well I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t have got the famous Bea to grace us with her presence,”  
A bottle of blue that was gripped in Stacey’s fingers swirled slightly as the girls weaved in and out of the ever growing crowd. Stacey’s guest lists never one for being small for as long as Bea had known her. They headed towards the kitchen, dodging party goers,  
“So, how you been? How’d exams go? Feels like forever since I saw you!” Stacey shouted over her shoulder as Bea followed,  
“Exams were exams. I’m just glad they’re over,”  
Stacey could only nod in agreement. The two separated as Stacey headed towards the makeshift bar that had been set up for the occasion, Bea hung back. Stacey’s fingers danced along the bottles before asking, “Vod?”  
Bea nodded, adding a please. Stepping back as a young guy she recognised from her course swayed past her, not paying her any notice. As Stacey began working on Bea’s drink, her friend now by her side, the two passed conversation. Talking about life, dating and everything in between,  
“Speaking of the other sex, how’s it going with whatshisface?”  
“Tom,” Bea breathed a laugh, rolling her eyes as she took her drink, “Over. Long finished,”  
Judging by the look on Bea’s face, it hadn’t been all roses and kisses,  
“Good riddance, I didn’t like him anyway,” She swiped her own drink back up, “Weird hair,”  
Bea nudged her shoulder against Stacey’s, playfully scolding. The two agreed to move back to the party, and made hast,   
“Speaking of weird hair, since when did you-”

Her sentence cut short by her shoulder being knocked into, almost knocking her over entirely. Luckily her arm was gripped by a pair of long and slim fingers,   
“Watch where you’re going will you!” Barked a deep voice. Bea frowned as she pulled back her arm, to be greeted by the prettiest green eyes she had ever seen. Belonging to the prettiest man she had ever seen,   
“I’m-I’m sorry I-I didn’t-”

Before she could stutter up anything more embarrassing, the heat of her sunburn that tickled her cheeks growing redder, Stacey intervened,  
“Hey, Finn. Where’ve you been hiding!” Stacey threw her arms around him. His height made even Stacey look small. God knows what Bea looked like next to him. His scowl softened and the corners of his mouth twitched into somewhat of a smile, “You know me, here there and everywhere,”   
The two pulled apart, turning their attention to the third party,   
“Finn, this is Bea,”   
Bea now got a better look at him. His eyes were feminine, kind and warm with faint bed-sheet like creases in the corners that popped up when he smiled. The ends flicked downwards, green iris’s with speckles of gold shattered around the pupil. Manly hands that swallowed Bea’s, along with his height. Aside from the feline eyes and plump limps; his nose was another distinguished feature - large and long with a little curve at the end. His figure was slender, but not so much as to be classed as skinny. A fresh tan kissed his skin. Hair, short on the side but long on the top with curls that wound masterfully round one another, brown with golden tips,  
“Yeah, we’ve met,” A tightness bit at his words and his posture was stiff, he then turned his attention to Stacey who flooded him with questions. Bea looked around at the party, her head bobbing to the music as an attempt to give the two their privacy. Her head snapped back as she heard, 

“Well I’ve gotta shoot. Nice to meet you Beau,”  
“It’s _Bea_ ,” But it was pointless correcting him, for he was now lost in the crowd,   
“He was charming,” Bea grimaced, Stacey rolled her eyes and sighed,   
“Finn for you. Always been like that for as long as I knew him,” She shook her head, in hopes the tension would shift, “Anyway, don’t let him spoil your night! Come on, it’s not often I get to see you! Let’s dance!”   
But before Bea could refuse, she was being pulled into the same direction Finn had headed off into. Careful not to knock in to any shoulders on her way,  
“Bea!”  
Another warm embrace. She could only nod and smile, her feet awkward as they shuffled. Somewhat an introvert’s version of dancing. It had been a while since Bea had been to a party, especially one so crowded. The people were rowdy and the music was loud, it deafening compared to the quiet space of the uni test quarters. Usually, it would be used for Sports Science, it was transformed somewhat into the ‘Room of Doom’ Just last week.  
Stacey was a wild cat, and Bea was a wallflower. The two like chalk and cheese, but somehow they made it work. Stacey’s body was continually swallowed in hugs as more people poured in, arriving fashionably late and Bea was pushed to the side. Nobody taking notice, she knew she was small but she wasn’t that bloody small surely. But she didn’t mind being invisible, for she managed to fade into the background; unnoticed.   
Or so she thought.

****  
The air was cooling and Bea’s sober state was slowly disappearing. The party had now spilled into the garden, people smoking in some corners. Others chatting loudly. A few couples that kissed and groped scattered here and there,  
“Oops,” Bea slurred as her drink spilled slightly on the patio below. Her feet wobbled slightly. The fresh air hit her like a double shot and all traces of sobriety now completely gone. Maybe fresh air wasn’t a good idea. She, as carefully as one could when on the edge of being obliterated could be, placed her glass on the window sill. She fished her menthols and lighter out of her pocket, a habit she wouldn’t bother with when sober. After a few failed attempts, she finally lit her cigarette. She titled her head back and closed her eyes as she exhaled, her body swayed slightly almost dancing with the light breeze,

“You having fun?”

Her eyes snapped open, feeling slightly disappointed that the voice belonged to a stranger,   
“Yeah, bit warm though isn’t it?”   
The stranger took the polite conversation as an invitation and moved closer, smoking his own cigarette. He leaned against the wall beside her, propping one foot up. He nodded, “Always are though,” Off her look, he nodded behind him in referral to the crowd inside, “Parties,”  
“Oh! Yeah... So... How’d you know Stacey?”   
The stranger was cute. A bit gangly, but nonetheless cute, “Friend of my brother’s,”  
“Oh right,”  
“You?”  
“Friends since we were kids,”   
“Oh. Right,”  
And then, silence. A glass smashed inside and the party let out a cheer,  
“So, your boyfriend inside then?” Bea let out a snigger at the idea of her being in a relationship, “No boyfriend, just me,”  
Her cigarette began to turn her stomach and so she flicked it away on to the grass clumsily, her arms now found themselves wound into one another as they held against her chest. Something she did when uncomfortable,

“I was going to say if I was your boyfriend I wouldn’t let you out my sight,”  
It was then she looked at him. Really looked at him, he had gotten a lot closer than what she had realised. She took a step back and laughed uneasily, “Yeah, well good job you aren’t my boyfriend then isn’t it,” His fingers found themselves free of his cigarette and on Bea’s hips, her cheeks grew warm and her chest tightened,   
“Yeah, because if you were my girlfriend I wouldn’t be happy if anybody looked at you,” His tone wasn’t welcoming, more patronising. She then feebly laughed, “Like I said, it’s a good job I’m not,”  
She found herself trapped between the fence and the stranger. Heart beginning to thud and it was then, things turned sour,   
“Please, don’t,” She begged as his face moved closer, her strength was no match for his, “Just let me go back inside,” Her eyes darted around the garden, begging for help. Everybody too engrossed in their own drunken doings to notice.  
Just as he went to speak, a figure appeared from the shadow,  
“Come on, Turlough, she said leave it,” She knew the tone and found herself relax,  
“Come on Finn, she’s fair game,” But his grip loosened and he stepped back. Bea could breathe again. Finn’s face came into full light, his nostrils were flared and his stance was stiff,  
“Move.”  
“Fi-”  
“I said, _move_ ,”  
Bea was taken aback. Something not sitting right with her, Finn wasn’t exactly some big and bald muscle man. Just a toned and tattooed, good-looking guy. But Turlough backed off. Something on his face told Bea that Turlough didn’t want the aftermath of what was to come if he continued to argue.  
Turlough looked between Finn and Bea, scoffing and shaking his head, muttering something as he went back inside. Bea then turned to Finn and went to thank him but was shot down almost immediately,  
“Do you like trouble?”  
A pause. She could feel her mouth open as she attempted to reply, his eyes widened slightly as he awaited for her response. But upon seeing she was speechless, he began to rant,   
  
“First you almost send yourself falling and now this, you need to watch yourself _Beau_ ,”  
Bea was incredulous. _What was his problem?_ Although grateful, she hadn’t asked to be saved both from falling over and being possibly attacked, he was the one who took it upon himself to interfere, which she began to argue,   
“First of all, its _Bea_ second of all, I didn’t ask for your help. And thirdly,” She stumbled slightly as she moved over, Finn scoffed at this as though his point were being proven, “What is your problem? Have I done something to offend you? If so, I’m sorry I just-”   
“Look, all I’m saying is just watch yourself alright? I can’t be around you to watch your every move,”  
“I didn’t ask you to be? And, hang on, I don’t even know you. Apart from the fact you’re a prick,”  
His face twisted slightly at this. Bea wanted the ground to swallow her. If it weren’t for Dutch Courage, she would’ve scurried off by now. But, instead she stood her ground. Eyes hard. Although swaying slightly, stance; proud,   
“Alright. Whatever, I’m just saying. Be careful,”   
He brushed past her. It was now she noticed the garden loiterers had been watching intently, that is, until Finn shot them a look in which they all turned away. Back to what they were doing. 

Suddenly Bea’s mood to party deflated, the air awfully cold. Bea’s first impression of Finn was not exactly ‘Oh that guy Finn? Oh he’s a riot, a real hoot’ But more, overbearing stranger. Why would Bea, somebody he had met now twice, ask for his help? Of course it was appreciated, but it wasn’t like she had purposely set off the Bat signal. She braced herself as she stepped back inside, the heat unbearable already.  
Bea’s eyes scoped through the crowd, it not appearing to be dying any time soon, and she plucked out her target,  
“Stace, listen I’m gonna go.”  
“What? But I’ve barely seen you!” Stacey whined, her words were slurred as the different coloured drinks were guiding her into a state of inebriation. Bea was lucky to have caught her before Stacey would the reach the stage of unable to string a sentence together. The two girls were stood in a little group that hovered around the kitchen, Finn included,  
“I know but, it’s getting late and I-”  
“Let her go, Stace, before she falls and smashes something,” A flurry of sniggering were heard, Finn grinned over his beer bottle as people had found him hilarious; his arm draped over a girl’s shoulders. This indicted to Bea that it wasn’t just Finn who had seen her trip, The embarrassment pinched Bea’s cheeks, Stacey couldn’t help but share the laughter before pointing a sloppy finger at him; playfully warning. She turned back to Bea,   
“Alright, text me when you’re home ok?”  
“I will,” She gave a little wave to everybody, who didn’t reciprocate it back. All now interested in what each other had to say. 

****  
“How’d you know Finn Thomas?”  
It had been a few days since the party. Bea was in work. Out of Uni and straight into a summer job. Summer, something that only the lucky got to experience Bea felt. Her mum forcing her to get a job as soon as that last exam paper closed,  
“Finn Thomas? Is he on our course?”  
Luckily, her uni friend and ex housemate Tim had applied for the same place. The local bowling alley. Aside from the constant play of 80’s music and the smell of dirty shoes, it was an alright place to work,  
“Brown curly hair, green eyes, about six 3?” Off of her look did Tim huff, “Always looks like he’s got a constant nark on,”  
“Oh _Finn_ , I don’t _know_ him,” She handed over a pair of playing shoes to the girl of a couple and a ticket with a number on before placing the girl’s shoes in one of the cubby holes, “I met him at Stacey’s party, unfortunately, why’d you ask?”  
“Well he seems to know you, well trying to. I heard him asking my brother about you last night when he came round for tea,”  
“Finn’s James’s mate?”   
“Yeah. For years, surprised you’ve never seen him before. He was at our bbq last summer,”  
Bea was trying to think back, her braining scanning for images of his annoyingly handsome face. But, no luck, “Oh, not that I can remember. Then again, I was drunk,  
“Yes, very. Mum’s still trying to get the stain out the couch,”  
The two shared a giggle before Bea began cleaning the counter,   
“So what was he asking anyway?”  
“Nothing much. Just where you were from, who were your friends, etc etc,”  
Bea found this strange. Why would somebody so foul to her want to know about her? To avoid her, perhaps?   
“Yeah, well, like I said I don’t know him and I don’t particularly want to,”  
“Oh come on, he isn’t that bad,”  
“Neither is a tiger, but you don’t pet it,”  
Bea dropped the bottle of disinfectant as she heard,   
“Hi Finn,”  
The bottle knocked a multitude of items over that lay spread out on the counter, creating an embarrassingly amount of noise. And here came the burning of the cheeks, along with Finn looking as handsome as she last saw him. Black jeans and a grey T-shirt. Sunglasses pushing his curls away from his face,  
“Alright mate, ready to go?”   
“Yeah, let me go get my stuff,”  
And with that Tim was gone. Great. As Bea picked up the remaining item and straightened it, she noticed Finn now coolly leaning against the counter. The annoying jingle of keys as they danced between his fingers along with a low whistle from his lips as he scoped his surroundings,  
“Do you mind?”  
She blurted out before her mind could stop her. His whistle came to a slow stop as he looked at her, the keys no longer making noise. There was a silence as the two eyed each other. He really was handsome. _Bastard_.   
His eyebrows raised and he scoffed. Turning fully frontwards as he leaned his elbows on the counter, keys gripped between his fingers. A little smile curved his lips upwards, a teasing glint in his eye as he asked,  
“Are you always that clumsy?”  
“I am not clumsy,” The bottle almost slipped from her fingers again, betraying her argument. She then began working on the other side, his eyes burning into her. The more he watched her, the more her annoyance grew and she finally barked,  
“Haven’t you got someone else to stare at? There’s some sixteen year olds dying for your attention over there,” A loose strand wriggled out of her ponytail as she huffed, Finn cast the girls a smile before back to Bea,  
“Nah, I like my girls with a bit of bite to them. They’re the type to say yes sir,”  
“Plus they’re sixteen,”  
“Hmm,”  
Bea placed the bottle down in front of him and said,  
“Didn’t think jail bait was your type,”  
“Who said it was?”  
“Well you didn’t exactly cringe at their age,”  
She had him there. Before he could reply, Tim returned. Bag on his shoulder and name badge well and truly off. Finn pushed himself off of the counter and twiddled his keys between his fingers as he asked,  
“Ready?”   
“Mmhm, come on I’m starving and Sheila’s making spag bol for tea,” He passed a little wave to Bea before bidding his goodbye. Finn passed her a teasing smile and a “Bye, _Beau_ ,”  
“It’s Be- _Fuck’s sake_ ,”   
Once again, pointless. Once again, annoyed.

****  
Bea had never been more grateful to close up. After the last light switch was flicked off and the last lock was turned, Bea headed out. Headphones in and mind shut off, well that was what she had hoped for. She huffed and yanked the wires out as she saw the tall figure leaning against his car door,  
“Thought you needed a lift,”  
“Finn? Wha-”  
“Tim told me what time you were finishing, I pass through here on my way home and well town’s particularly not nice to girls at this time. So, thought I’d offer you a lift,”  
Stalker alarm bells were ringing in Bea’s head. If he weren’t so bloody handsome, she would’ve sprinted long before he managed to explain himself,  
“Finn, that’s really sweet of you but I’ve done this walk a thousand times and been ok so far,”  
“It only takes that once, Beau,”  
The incorrect speaking of her name kicked off her annoyance and she began to walk, snapping,  
“Look, I’m fine. Ok? Just go home, Finn,”  
His long legs took strides as he reached in front of her, hands up as he began. A little giggle as he said,  
“Look, I’m sorry alright? I’m only teasing. Just please get in the car? I wouldn’t forgive myself if something were to happen,”  
He really did tower over her. Her eyes glanced up into his. The smell of Comfort touched her nose from his grey sweatshirt he had now put on to protect himself from the night’s air. His eyes were pleading, she began to soften but still attempted to stutter up a polite rejection,  
“Look, honestly. I’m fine, I’ve got pepper spray in my bag and I...”  
She trailed off as he gave her a look before softly saying,  
“Just get in the car... _Bea_ ,”  
  
Her eyes glanced from him to the car. It was black, quite fancy looking. Plus, it looked warm. Considering it was the end of July, the cool air really nipped at her cheeks. She then sighed before pointing a finger in his face,  
“Alright fine but this _doesn’t_ make us friends,” She began walking to the car, reaching the passenger side as she stated, “And this isn’t an excuse to get touchy feely,”  
“Wasn’t gonna,” He laughed as he unlocked the car. Both climbing in. The car interior matched the exterior. Black and rich in taste. Cool feeling leather seating and shiny buttons. Bea then huffed frustratedly as the seatbelt got jammed, “Why’s. Everything. About you. So. Annoying!” She then butted her head back in to the seat and let out a frustrated sigh.   
He leaned forward to help when she pointed again,   
“Hey! No touching!”  
He put his hands up and sat back, eventually Bea put her seatbelt on. Arms folded. Finn couldn’t help but find her amusing, a small smirk itching to twitch at the corners of his mouth. The car roared to life and took motion, a song began from where he left it and his fingers drummed the wheel,  
“What were you listening to?”  
He asked, breaking the silence,  
“Huh?”  
He then looked at the headphones that were attached to her phone in her lap back to her face, in which her mind clicked,  
“Oh! Nothing, at the time, but I was going to put The Last Shadow Puppets on until you rudely interrupted,”  
Her tone wasn’t hostile but more playful, she turned to the window trying to hide her smile as he replied,  
“Oh my mistake, how awful of me,”  
Silence. Again.

Bea let her mind wander, her eyes struggling to find anything to focus on in the dark. Aside from the little joke previously, the atmosphere grew awkward. Only speaking when answering left, right or straight on. Bea’s mind drowned in questions she so badly wanted to ask him. What did he do for a living? Where did he live? More and more questions popped up as the time passed. But the one that lingered mostly.... Why did he ask James about her?  
The car came to a slow halt as they pulled up outside her living quarters. A six floored, block of shiny looking flats, 

“Well, this is me,”  
“Yep, this is you,”  
The two awkwardly bopped their heads, nodding and looking around before Bea said,  
“I should-”  
“Yeah course yeah,”  
“Thanks for you know,”  
“Yeah course,”  
Something was bothering him. She could tell. Just as she was about to hop out did fingers catch her wrist,  
“Bea,” Her eyes dropped to his grip and he pulled it away as she looked back up, “I... Do you need walking to your door?”  
“Oh that’s sweet, but I live on the top floor, “A lie,”Thank you though,”  
She didn’t wait for a respond. The whole thing had been weird enough. She made hast for the heavy door, not bothering to turn back as she typed in the code as quickly as her fingers would allow. The buzz took longer than usual. Come on come on come on. Soon she was allowed access and in she slipped. Exhaling, completely unaware she had been holding it in,

“Long night?”

She opened her eyes to see her flatmate, Sarah, stood at the top of the stairs. Mug in one hand, phone in the other,  
“What are you doing out here?” Bea asked as she began for the stairs, her bedroom calling out to her,  
“Signals bad again,”  
“Oh,” Finally inside the flat, Bea began to shed her belongings about the place. The usual smell of microwave meals and disinfectant was replaced by something cheesy and carby which made her stomach whine. But the effort to cook made her tired before she even began. So, she made headway for her room. Shoes off, she was home.

****

“Who was that guy who dropped you off?”  
 **The following morning, Bea’s day off,**  
“Don’t hold back, Sa,”  
“Just asking,”  
“Nobody. Just a friend of Tim’s,”  
“Well he seemed more than a nobody, a nobody that watched you until I waved him off,” A pause, “What’s his name?”  
“Finn,”  
“ _Finn_ ,” Another pause as she sipped from her mug, “Hmm, different,”  
“Yeah, definitely different alright,”  
Judging by Bea’s tone, did Sarah drop it. As much as she was dying to hound her with question after question, she knew Bea well enough to leave alone,

“So, what did you fancy doing today?”  
“Absolutely nothing, why?”  
This disappointed Sarah, she explained that she needed to do some shopping as there was the night out coming up. _Shit_. The night out. It had completely slipped Bea’s mind. It was something the flatmates, including Tim who no longer lived there, participated in ever since first year. And with this being their last year, it was going to be a big one,

“Fine. I’ll come, only because I need something too,”  
This delighted Sarah, in which she then told Bea to get on a move on; much to Bea’s displeasure. 

****  
Dress after dress... _After dress_. And still _nothing_. This was the fifth shop they had tried, Sarah had tried and found the perfect outfit within two. Bea had currently on a silk number, thin straps with a draped back. Nude in colour. It was the nicest so far but it still wasn’t It. Sarah sat across from her, on one of the pouffes. Bea scooped up her hair as she turned her back towards the mirror, she huffed letting her hair fall back down,

“Come on, Bea, this is the eleventh outfit you’ve tried,” She sighed, “It’ll do,”  
“Easy for you to say little miss boobs, us pancake people struggle you know,” She wriggled the material upwards to try to get it to sit nicely. No luck. She disappeared back in, shutting the curtain behind her in a strop,  
“So,” She heard Sarah’s voice from behind the curtain, “Who are you taking?”  
“No one, we don’t usually take people. Do we?”  
“Well no but it’s just, you know John from the law course? Well, he’s asked me out and I happen to mention the night out,” Bea had now popped her out from the curtain, and Sarah gave a sheepish smile, “And well, he wants to come,” Bea groaned, explaining how now that Tim too had a date and how now she was the only one without, as their usual fourth house member was away on holiday,  
“Well he’s got a friend who-”  
“No,”  
“Oh come on, Bea! He’s really nice, quite cute too. Plus he’s meant to be hung like a-”  
“Sarah!”  
She disappeared back inside, slipping on another dress. Thin strapped, tight and also nude yet again. Only this time the front was dipped. As she fumbled and fidgeted with the material, she asked about his name, and all the little details. And as Sarah answered, with hope, did Bea appear and was met with silence before Sarah squealed,  
“Yes! This is it. It’s the one!”  
Bea couldn’t lie, it really was flattering. It hugged every curve, even giving the illusion of a full chest without being distasteful. And to Sarah’s relieved delight, Bea settled. Plus it was on sale, before she could change her mind did Sarah take it to the counter as Bea changed back into her clothes. Bought and paid for, they were out and back into the buzzing shopping centre.

Mothers dragged their kids; cheap pastry flakes down the front of their little clothes. Teenage girls giggled and wandered aimlessly. An old couple sat on a metal bench outside of the food court. Sarah continued to blab and beg, Bea was tired and knew it was useless saying no and so she caved,

“So, Tim said he will get ready with us and we’ll meet the boys there and...”  
Sarah’s voice faded, getting lost with the buzz of the shopping centre. Bea knew she was still talking, feeling her body moving animatedly beside her as they linked arms. She hadn’t meant to have zoned out but her mind couldn’t help but drift,

Was that...  
No, it couldn’t have been. The longer she stared, she realised it was just another tall boy with brown hair. She scolded herself.  
She was becoming obsessed, Finn just seemed to be an constant thought who lived rent free in her mind. Her eyes searched about the place, but came up empty. Maybe this date was a good idea after all,

“Bea!”  
“What?”  
“I said, James and Tim are coming over for dinner later so we need to pick up some bits,”  
“Sorry I was miles away,”  
Sarah groaned, dragging Bea towards a food store that located deeper into the centre.   
Rows upon rows of different fruits, and vegetables lined along the stalls. With a basket in one hand, and the bag that held her dress in the other; Bea wandered up and down the aisles. Stomach grumbling as her mouth grew wet at the delicious looking bits of food,  
“Pasta?”  
“No,”  
“Spaghetti bolognese?”  
“They had that last time,”  
Sarah let out a moan, “Well I don’t know! What do they like?”  
“Sarah, they’re your cousins how can you not know?”  
“Just because I’m family doesn’t mean I take note of every little thing they eat,”  
The two met at the head of the aisle, both baskets empty,

“Well you better decide soon because it’s nearly-”  
A crash echoed throughout the store, eyes now snapped in Bea’s direction; trying to peek at the source of it,  
“Hey, watch it!”  
She snatched her bag up, along with the basket; her grateful for it being empty,  
“I’m sorry I-” It was now their eyes connected, both of their foreheads knitting upon realising who the other was, “Oh, it’s you,”  
“Finn,”  
“Bea.”  
They stared one another down. Sarah held her breath, glancing between the two. A cowboy showdown,   
“Ok this is weird... I’m gonna go look for.... Something,”  
“Sarah, wait I-” She watched as her friend’s head disappear behind one of the aisles.   
“So are you stalking me now?”  
Finn snorted at this, waving his bag at her, “You’re not the only person who shops here too you know,”  
“Whatever,”  
Bea took off, in search of her friend. She could feel her side grow warm as she was joined by Finn. She wasn’t sure at what point she had hinted that she wanted him to follow her, if anything she thought she gave the impression that she wanted the opposite. Either he was really oblivious or ignorant,  
“So what are you doing here anyway?” He asked, his pace now slowing to match hers.  
“Doing the great Northern run, what does it look like I’m doing,”  
His eyes widened at this as he looked away, unsure of what to say back. Sorry for even asking. He looked along the shelves, pretending to be interested. He then asked,   
“Are you always so narky?”  
“I’m not narky,”  
“Could’ve fooled me... You shopping for anything in particular?”  
She eyed him curiously, what exactly did he want? Why was he acting so, not, Finn? The usual grumpy face was suddenly welcoming. It made her nervous, because moody she could handle. But a sort’ve nice Finn; she could not,  
“Dinner, James and Tim are popping over,”  
“Nice,”  
“Yep.”  
“Anything you had in mind?”  
It was then she let out a whine, admitting, “No, anything me or Sarah suggest we can’t agree on,”  
“How about...” His lips pursed as he glanced over the aisle, “Risotto?”  
“Finn, I can just about make toast,”  
“Spaghetti bolognese?” His eyes were hopeful,  
“Did that last week,”  
“Lasagna?”  
“James doesn’t like it, you’d think with being his friend for so long you’d know that,”  
He now thought of this as a game, firing different types of meals at her. Some she ummhed and ahhed at, some she simply shot down. Before eventually he said, stopping in front of a curry jar. His eyebrows raised at her, pointing,  
“Curry?”  
She stopped, looking at him, “Hey, that’s not actually a bad idea. Nice one, Finn,”  
Just as she reached for the pre-made sauce did Finn blocked her with his arm,  
“What?”  
“No, you’re not picking anything pre-made come on,”  
His long legs began striding out of the aisle, Bea had to quick sprint to catch him up,  
“Finn, I don’t know if you heard me before but I can’t cook,”  
“Well then google it,” He began tossing different ingredients in her basket, her arm drooping slightly under the weight. He stopped in front of the endless row of spices, he picked up two little condiment bottles,  
“Spicy or mild?”  
“Spice,”  
In the basket it went. Bea slid the bag which contained her dress in up her arm, hooking it over her shoulder. Freeing her left hand so she could grip the basket with both hands, cursing herself for never taking care of her arms in the gym,  
“Finn, is that everything? Because this is getting really heavy!”  
He popped in one more item, before grinning at her,   
“Done,”  
“Thank God,”  
She slightly waddled towards the self checkout, placing the basket down did she begin to scan the items. Finn leaned on the empty machine beside her, watching her,  
“So, what’s with the clothes?”  
“Nothing, I just needed something new,” She lied, not wanting him to be indulged with the luxury of knowing where she was off to on the weekend,  
“Oh nice,”

As Bea continued to scan the items, Finn just simply glanced around. Surveying his surroundings, being brought to as Bea began to pack. Her offered her a hand but was met with rejection,

  
"Come on, Bea, let me help,”  
“No Finn, I’ve got it,”  
“But I-”  
“Will you let g-”  
The bag that had been caught in a battle of tug-o-war between them both slipped, the contents spilling around their feet,  
“Oh for God’s sake, Finn! I said I’ve got it and why don’t you just listen to me!” Her voice came out in a frustrated cry as she dipped down, quickly collecting the bits and pieces from the floor. Trying to ignore the burning stares of shoppers,  
“I was only trying to help, Bea,”  
“Yes, well thank you but I’ve got it from here,”  
She huffed, harshly tucking away a thick piece of hair to behind her ear. As she buried her face in the shopping bag and continued to pack she heard from above,  
“Fine, I’ll leave you to it,”  
She paused for a moment, her anger melting. She closed her eyes inhaling, peeling them open as she exhaled,  
“Finn, I’m sorry I-”  
But he was gone. 

****  
Their flat was lively tonight. They flicked on the stereo and scattered fairy lights about the place. A candle in the centre with dinner plates and cutlery set about. The oven hummed and the dining part to the living room smelt homely. Sarah placed down a basket of fresh bread and the two girls smiled proudly at themselves, they hadn’t done too bad. Seeing as it was only the two boys, Bea decided sweatpants and an old T-shirt would be her attire. As Tim still had the code, a knock was heard on the front door,  
“Ooh, they’re here,”  
Bea practically skipped to the door, she hadn’t seen James in so long. She was more excited to see him than Tim, but then again she was always with Tim,  
“You’re la-”

Her smile dropped and her arms folded at the tag-a-long behind them,   
“Oh, hi,”  
The silence was unbearable. The four looking at one another, unsure of the next move. Thankfully Tim made it and commented it smells nice, he was starving and in he went. Followed by James and then,

“Finn,”  
“Bea,”  
That stupid smile. She wanted to slap it right off him,  
“I bought wine,”  
“ _Thanks_ ,”  
He handed it over and just as he went to head inside, he stopped in the doorway. His chest lightly touching hers, he leaned in slightly and her throat went dry. What was he doing? Her lips disobeyed her as they puckered slightly. There was something in the air that made her brain go foggy, he felt it too. His hand cupped her face as his thumb wiped away something before he showed her, God let me die She thought as his thumb was covered in sauce,

“You had sauce on your face,”  
His voice was suddenly a lot thicker than usual. A glint in his eye she couldn’t make out, he then swooped past her. She had her breath back,   
“Get it together Bea,” She scolded herself, slamming her front door shut.  
She joined the rest, Finn leaned against the back of the couch. James took the wine off of Bea and began pouring in to the awaiting glasses. Bea clapped her hands together, looking at anything but Finn,

“So, dinner?”

****  
“No! Tim we were there, that’s so not how it happened!”  
A wave of laughter vibrated throughout the group, bellies full and wine had been drank. Sarah and Tim were talking about some story that took place during their first year. Sarah and Bea sat opposite ends of the table, Finn to Bea’s left, Tim to her right and James squashed in as their table was meant to only fit four. Tim and Sarah continued to argue jokingly, James fully engrossed, Finn then turned to Bea and asked,

“So, Tim tells me you’s are heading out on the weekend,”  
“Mmhm, it’s just something we do to celebrate the end of the year,”  
“Oh, that’s nice. _Cute_ ,”  
She ignored his little quip, her belly too full to bother arguing,  
“Yeah, kind of dreading it this year,” Off of his look she explained, “We’re bringing dates this year,”  
She could’ve sworn his face tightened and his ears twitched,  
“Oh, are _you_?”  
She looked at him. If he was annoyed his face didn’t show it, but there was something about the fidgeting and twiddling of his wine glass that spoke differently,  
“Yeah, only a guy from Law. I don’t particularly want to but Sarah’s got a date and it’s her date’s friend so...”  
She trailed off, watching as he nodded. Taking it in, without looking did he ask the name of this date. His wine glass too interesting to take his eyes off, she told him the name. Her ears burning with annoyance as he said with a snort,  
“Josh... _Joshhhh_ ,”  
“Yes, _Josh_ ,”  
She didn’t know the guy. Yet, she felt the need to come to his defence,  
“Why say it like that?”  
He looked at her, her lips curling into a smile, “No reason, just sounds boring and you don’t seem the type to go for boring,”  
Now this really got to her. What did he know about her, apart from the fact his presence seriously annoyed her,  
“Oh really? And what type do you think I go for?”  
It was then he looked at her, but really looked at her. His eyes shined, something flickering as his voice grew thick once more,  
“Unpredictable,”  
Bea watched him and it was then she confessed,  
“Finn about earlier, I’m sorry I-”  
“It’s cool, you can’t help being a brat,”  
Her mouth fell open. Her? A brat? He had to be kidding, she wasn’t a brat. He just kept interfering, when she was perfectly capable of doing things herself. Although clumsy, she had managed to survive twenty years so far and so his help wasn’t needed,  
“Well look I-”  
“I said it’s cool,” He tutted, frowning, “Just leave it, Bea,”

He then knocked back the remainder of his wine, before then rising. Signalling it was time to leave, which was met by protests from James,  
“Nah mate, I’ve got to. I’ve got work, but I’ll see you Friday,” He then turned to Sarah and thanked her for dinner. Barely passing a look at Bea and with that he was gone. Unsure of whether it was the wine or the warmth of the candle, but her cheeks felt flushed. The three that sat before her continued talking, Bea couldn’t focus. Just as she was annoyed and relieved he was gone, there was something that niggled at her chest. Something she quite couldn’t put her finger on. She let out a yawn and knew she could no longer fight it.

It was time for bed.

Once again, James protested but she too had work in the morning and so he let her go. Kisses on cheeks were shared and goodnights were given, shortly Bea found herself flopped on to her bed. Her eyes slowly blinking, heavy. Nothing went in and annoyed her mind, her belly too full and wine swimming throughout her body. She felt her phone vibrate and lazily did she pull it out of her pocket, she winced as the contrast between the fairy light lit room and the harsh lighting of her phone clashed and stung her eyes as she read,

_'Joshhhh x'_


	2. I could never hate you.

2.  
She had found the culprit behind her number being given to Finn was in fact Tim. That did surprise her,   
“Yeah but have you ever tried arguing with Finn-”  
“Argue with Finn? Every conversation I’ve had with Finn has been an argument, Tim!”  
“Exactly. So, you know how much he just doesn’t listen,”  
They were back in work. Bea folded her arms, feeling a little violated her number had been given without her consent,   
“Yes, but you know we don’t like each other so _why_ ,”  
“Bea, I’m sorry. He just wouldn’t take no for answer, I didn’t think he’d actually text you,”

As soon as she turned up to work that morning, Tim knew by her face James had told her it was him. He attempted to sweeten her up by telling her that she looked nice, and although she had made an effort for work that morning; his attempt failed badly. He hadn’t said sorry so much in his life but Bea was stubborn. Too stubborn. She was tired of hearing sorry and eventually just let it go, telling him to go clean up a spilt drink on lane 5. He did what he was told and Bea was left to sulk. 

But not for long as a boy around her age reached the counter, nervous. Alone. He wore an earring, converse and had beautiful brown eyes. Brunette and quite small, but still quite a fraction taller than her,

“Hi, what lane are you on?”  
“Sorry?”  
“Lane? Are you here to bowl?”  
“Oh!” His cheeks were now tickled pink ever so slightly, “No, I.... Are you Bea?”  
“Who’s asking?”  
“I’m Josh,”  
Her heart pummelled, Sarah had downplayed just how cute he really was. He could’ve gave Finn a run for his money. Brown hair, dark eyes. A 90’s flair to his clothing. Bea’s type,  
“Oh! Oh my God, I’m sorry. Hi, nice to meet you,”  
She moved down the steps and around the counter to meet him. He went in for a hug and she, a handshake. After bumping awkwardly and stuttering apologies, did they settle on Bea’s choice. They parted hands and he then explained for why he had turned up,  
“Sarah mentioned you worked here and with Friday coming up, I just thought I’d introduce myself properly and thought I’d invite you to lunch,”  
Bea was flattered. She glanced at the clock and saw her lunch was in a moment, in which she told him and spoke of how she would like that. He beamed a crooked grin, he really was quite awkward. Bea presumed he was unaware of how pretty his face was. Unlike Finn who was so unbelievably full of himself.

_Get him out of your head Bea._

Bea told Josh to sit tight for a moment before she quickly walked over to Tim, who eyed Josh suspiciously,   
“Tim, guess who’s just invited me to lunch,”  
“I mean I’m no psychic but I’m presuming it’s him,”  
“ It’s Josh, my date for Friday. He wanted to ask if I wanted to join him for lunch and well, I said yeah,”  
“Ooh a date with _Joshhhh_ ,”  
“Oh don’t you start too! Look, please cover the counter whilst I go. You owe me!”  
Usually the arcade area was Tim’s forte, and Bea was the counters. His shoulders drooped and he glanced between the counter and Josh, tossing the wet rag between his hands before saying,  
“Go,”  
Bea couldn’t thank him enough, kissing him on the cheek before making her way back over to her date. He watched as the couple disappeared from sight before he began cleaning the table again,letting a little smile creep out.

****  
“Thanks for lunch and next time, it’s my turn to pay,”  
The hour was over as quick as it began and Josh walked her back to her work, their shoulders brushing slightly as they reached the doors,  
“There’s gonna be a next time?”  
Bea’s ears burned slightly and she stuttered before he smiled and simply stated,  
“I’d love to... Tomorrow? Same time again?”  
“Alright, you’re on,”  
She leaned in and lightly pecked him on the cheek, hearing a clearing of a throat beside them,

“Finn, what are you doing here?”  
“Come to get Tim as he’s got a check up at 4,”  
“ _Does that boy ever walk_ ,” Bea huffed through gritted teeth as she danced on the balls of her feet before the introductions began, “Finn, this is Josh and Josh this is Finn,”  
The two shared somewhat of a shake and it was unmissable how tight Finn’s stance became, the greeting was over as quick as it began. Bea then turned to Josh, thanked him for lunch and he was soon gone. Finn watched him leave before honing in on Bea,  
“Ah, so that’s the infamous _Joshhh_ ,”  
“His name is _Josh_ , and yes that’s him,”  
“He’s a lot smaller than I thought, _cute_ ,”  
He pulled a nose scrunch mockingly at her, which she mocked twice as hard back. The two like a pair of bickering kids.  
They made their way inside. Bea highly aware of how close his arm brushed against hers as they walked through the arcade section, so she swooped hers up against her chest as she folded the two together,  
“Least he’s not a giant like some,”  
“By giant, you mean _ridiculously_ handsome, a gorgeous smile and exactly your type?”  
She looked at him, eyes narrowing,  
“And who exactly said your my type?”  
“Oh come on, babes. It’s obvious, I’ve seen the way you look at me,”  
They had now reached the counter, his legs crossed as he leaned against it. Cocky.  
Bea moved up the steps and round the back of her counter, hands placed on it as she leaned in on Finn,  
“You wouldn’t be my type even if you were last person on Earth and the only way to save humanity was to sleep with you, saving me from the most painful way of dying... And even then, would I chose death,”  
He swivelled round, his position mirroring hers. He smirked slightly, eyes glancing from her lips to face,  
“Aww but then I would be all alone,”  
He mockingly pouted, she mimicked back before biting,  
“Good,”  
He stared at her before he then quipped,  
“You’re cute when you’re narky,”  
She scowled before pushing herself off the counter, all of a sudden Finn shifted and grew into himself as he awkwardly asked,  
“Are you really gonna go on that date tomorrow?”   
He began playing with his keys, holding his breath as he awaited her answer. But before she could, Tim wandered over. Bag on shoulder and name tag off,   
“Ready?”  
Finn nodded, pushing himself off of the counter. As always goodbyes were spoken between Tim and Bea, only difference was that Finn was quiet. He didn’t even glance. No smirk. No teasing. 

Nothing. 

****

Another day, another dollar. The bowling alley was empty of any human contact, the only sound to be heard was the squishing of the mop on the floor. The machines had been put to sleep and Bea had been put on closing once more, not that she mind for it was an extra few pounds in her bank.  
Although closing never bothered her normally, there was something about the way the door groaned under the force of the wind that set her teeth on edge. Her movements a little more hurried than usual.  
_What was in the drinks they served?_ The sticky substance wouldn’t budge, Bea let out a huff as she wiped away the little damp patch that now lined her forehead on the back of her hand. Her shoulders twitched hearing the door slam shut, thinking it was the wind did she step back slightly in surprise upon seeing a figure stand in the way,  
“Sorry, we’re closed,” A familiar face came into light and it was now she relaxed,  
“Jesus, Finn! What are you doing here?”  
He let out a chortle as he approached her,  
“Thought I’d give you a lift again,”  
“Well, couldn’t you have text me instead? I could’ve hit you y’know!”  
“What, with the mop?”  
His forearms now rested on the counter, a smug grin on his lips. Bea’s hand landed on her hip as she pointed out,   
“These can be used as a deadly weapon when needed.”  
“I’ll keep that in mind.”  
He said nothing following this as he watched her continue to clean, his eyes in synch with her movement. Her brow was furrowed, the pink flesh that poked out of her mouth intrigued him as he asked,  
“Do you always stick your tongue out when you’re concentrating?”  
She stopped, her tongue which she hadn’t realised slipped out being put back into her mouth. Looking at him, glancing up and down before carrying on, weary of not letting it make another appearance,  
“Only sometimes,”  
“It’s cute.”  
She snorted, wringing out the water before telling him,  
“You don’t have to take me home, Finn, it’s only round the corner.”  
“Ah, but a lot of things can happen around the corner and _I_ being the good citizen that I am couldn’t let that happen,”  
She couldn’t stop herself from smiling, an automatic eye roll close behind. The two had wandered into the clutches of silence, they found it more comfortable than the conversation they were trying to force. Unsure where this new found friendship, if you want to call it that, allowed them to stand talking wise. Bea didn’t do well when it came to the matters of being quiet, something she had often been told off for in school as where Finn favoured it - being more of an observer than a partaker. She wrapped up the cleaning and left him behind, in search of her bag and coat. It was pointless even trying to put up a fight, she wasn’t confident that Finn wouldn’t throw her over his shoulder and take her to the car if she tried to tell him no.  
“So,” They were now outside, the summer evenings last year seemed to be a lot more warmer than this, “Where are you and Josh going on this date tomorrow?”  
“Dunno, probably the food court again,”  
The bowling alley was located in the centre of a large retail park. A laser quest and a cinema being the only other building that wasn’t a clothing store or a food dispenser. Finn’s nosy question irritated Bea, tormenting her around her ears. They climbed in the car and Bea couldn’t stop herself from asking,   
“Why anyway?”  
“Just making conversation,” He frowned, waking the car from it’s sleep. If Bea knew any better she would say that Finn was jealous, but that was silly of her to think. Somebody with a cocky grin and a beautiful face couldn’t like her. Not, that there was anything wrong with Bea. She wouldn’t class herself as categorically pretty, but she had a kind heart and nice eyes, and although she would like to fix the little crook in her nose; she didn’t think she was all that bad to look at. Finn, she could tell he searched for beauty that only ran skin deep, barely skimming the surface of conversation that could only just about be classed as talking before they got down to the dirty. Plus, unlike where herself and Stacey could make the styling of chalk and cheese work; Finn and her could barely mutter two words to each before it turned into bickering,  
“He seems... Nice,” Finn swallowed the compliment with a grimace, his pride going down with it.  
“But?”  
“But what?”  
“No, he’s nice but he’s short. No he’s nice but he dresses weird?”   
“I’m saying nothing.” Although he wanted to, the aching to be sarcastic ignited in his throat.  
“That makes a first.”  
He wanted to tease her, tell her how he must’ve got lost on the way to Father Christmas’s workshop. Tell her how ‘The 90s called, they’re missing a shirt’ The insults begged Finn to let them out. Let them play, toy with her. His hand rubbed over his mouth as he attempted to disguise his snort with a cough, finding his inner voice hilarious,  
“What’s funny?” He had been caught.  
“Nothing,”  
“No go on, what’s funny?”  
“Honestly Bea, nothing.”  
“Hmm.”  
Another car trip over and done with, Bea’s flat now came into view,  
“Thanks again for the lift and you know, not being sarcastic about Josh,” She pointed about as she released the seatbelt from her chest,  
“I told you, I’m nice,”  
That was hard to believe, but Bea let it slide. Unlike Finn, who called her just before she reached the flat,  
“Yeah?”   
“Have fun with the littlest elf tomorrow.”

****  
“You’re quiet,”  
“Huh?”  
Fingers danced like spiders legs across his chest, the fingers belonged to his latest conquest,  
“You. You’re quiet,”  
“Sorry, Jane, I’m miles away,” He placed a light kiss upon her forehead before sitting up and grabbing the remote. Settling back down and flicking through the TV. Jane’s head back upon his chest,  
“What are you thinking about?”  
He shrugged, “Dunno. Stuff,”  
Jane was pretty. Slim. Always his go to but compared to his usual brunette, she was a red head. But still in the same in face and figure,  
“What _stuff_?”  
He looked down at her, smiling,  
“None of your business _stuff_ ,”  
She rolled her eyes, but with a smile, and sat up. Climbing off of the low set bed, he frowned. Asking where she was going, as she began to get dressed she said,  
“Dinner with my mum, if I don’t leave now I won’t make it,”  
And with a light peck, she was gone. Finn sunk back in to his bed, thinking. Clogs in his brain turning. Of course he couldn’t tell Jane what he was thinking of, that wouldn’t be fair. Although Jane was a fling, he knew by the soft smiles and gentle eyes that it was becoming more. Something Finn knew he would have to cut short, he lifted up and reached round; in to his little cubby hole underneath the bedside table pulling out his laptop and his phone. As he sat back, he waited for the laptop to load up. His thumb flicked through his contacts, he paused as his thumb hovered over her name before he continued scrolling and found Mark’s number,

“Alright, Finnely?”  
A voice called,   
“Alright, mate. How you doin’?”  
Conversation was passed back and forth before Finn got to why he was calling,  
“Listen, mate, I don’t suppose your cousin can still get info on people?”  
His tone was hopeful. His shoulders relaxed as Mark replied that of course he could, and who’s information did he need,  
“Ah, cheers mate. You’re a star. I’ll send you their Facebook now,”  
He scrolled the mouse on his laptop, copying a profile and sending it through email. A swoosh was heard on the other line. Mark then asked,  
“So, what’s the deal on the kid?”  
Finn coughed before stating it was nobody, just wanted to know a few things. Mark didn’t question it, with Finn; he never did and stated he would have it all within the next hour. Finn was happy with this. The two hung up and Finn tapped the phone against his lips as he stared at the laptop, a pair of brown eyes staring back up at him.

****  
“I can’t wait. I’m gonna get so drunk until I can’t walk,”  
Tim was in full party mode. A drink in one hand, the speaker control in the other. It was Friday. Finally Friday. As the girls dusted off the finishing touches of their contour, they began to get dressed. Bea couldn’t help but admit, she was excited to see Josh. She had seen him every day so far, their lunches becoming a regular thing. He was so easy to talk to.  
She had learned he had one sister, and was very close with his mother. He liked The Beatles, The Stones Roses but admitted he had a soft spot for dance music. He was kind, everything Bea liked. 

It was nice, the routine,

“ _Shit_ ,” Tim breathed, the girls paused getting ready as they asked what was the matter and Bea’s heart dropped as Tim told her, apologetically, that Josh was unable to make it. Something about being poorly. Although he couldn’t help being poorly, Bea had to admit; she was disappointed. Just as she was finally settled with the idea of a date with someone she now really liked; it was taken away from her. 

Sarah sat next to her and threw her arm around her, “Don’t worry, babes, we’ll still have fun!” Giving her a little squeeze, but Bea couldn’t possibly see how. Which she pointed out, she was the only one now without a date. Again. But they couldn’t even find her something last minute as the taxi arrived, Sarah’s phone pinged to signal it was there. As they fumbled their shoes on, drinks were downed; they were out and ready to hit the town. 

They pulled up outside the latest club that everybody raved about. It being famous among students both new and recently graduated for it’s £2 Jaeger Bombs and 50p shots. With £1.50 a pint, and the fact you could go in with a £10 note and come out with no movement in your legs, The Bassjacker was the place to be of a Friday. The town’s limited selection of nightclubs made the club a lot of money. Bea could feel the bass of the music thump throughout the floor and vibrate up her legs. The night air was cool yet warm, excitement accompanied it as the chatter of anxious clubbers waited in the queue. All ready for the night ahead.

They needn’t wait in the line, for James was the doorman. Although they were met with complaints from the impatient club goers, they swaggered in like they were VIPs. Although Bea was alone, tonight was their night and she wasn’t going to spoil it - even though the music was already giving her a headache. They stepped on through and their faces were hit with warmth, the kind that felt similar to stepping off the plane into an exotic country,  
 **“I’m gonna get a drink, what does everyone want?”**  
Bea shouted over the music, Sarah asked for vodka and coke; Tim opted for whiskey. Bea nodded as they mentioned they’d find a table, before she paved her way through the dancing crowd. She could not lie, the dancing was infectious; as where the happiness. As the music hummed within her chest, she felt a smile pool on to her lips. She got caught up with some guy who tried to coax her into dancing with him, she politely declined; pointing at the bar. He nodded and continued to dance whilst she made a beeline for it.   
She breathed a sigh of relief, reaching the cold counter top. Careful not to touch it as it looked terribly sticking and her tan was set just right,  
**“What can I get you?”**  
The barmaid shouted over the music. She looked young, tired. Definitely a student. Bea replied what she needed and watched as the student made her drinks, she now turned away and bopped her head as she waited. Eager to get in the first shot of the night. She felt like a lemon and awkwardly glanced around, waiting. The back of her neck burned, the paranoia of somebody watching her settling in. Her attention was diverted back to the barmaid, she handed over a crisp note and then waited for the girl to leave to get change before knocking back the shot. Not wanting to seem too eager.

Change was exchanged and just as Bea began working out how to carry the drinks through the crowd did someone breathe in her ear,  
**“Need some help?”**  
Tim. Thank God.  
**“Yeah, you grab yours and Sarah’s, I’ll grab the shots,”**  
He nodded and the two moved through the crowd. Careful not to spill anything, although the drinks were cheap and not exactly burning a hole within their pockets; it would still be a waste. They reached the table with not one drop spilt. Success. It was a table tucked far away at the back of the club, although sat virtually on top of the speaker, they were out of the way. Bea now noticed their table was occupied with two more guests and although a grim reminder she was dateless, she was pleasant and said hello as best as she could. The drinks were passed and Sarah raised hers, passing a look throughout the group before shouting,

**“To a good night!”**

****  
Bea really was having a good night, too good of a night in fact. She bumped into people, hair falling in her face and alcohol wet her lips - with a little dribble stain in the corner of her mouth. But she didn’t care, she just wanted to dance and dance is what she did. The hem of her dress rode up her thigh a little and she clumsily pulled a up strap of her dress,  
**“I’m gonna go get a drink,”**  
 **“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”**  
Although Tim danced and tried to laugh it off, an under tone of concern seeped through. Bea shrugged him off, sloppily pressing a drunken finger to her lips before she disappeared into the crowd; missing the shared look between her two friends.

Ok, either they had moved the bar or Bea’s legs were taking a really long time to get there. But get there she eventually did, giggling a drunken ‘Sorry’ To a guy beside her as she knocked into him. He stunk of beer and aftershave and eyed Bea hungrily, in which she missed. She almost lost her footing as she told the barmaid her drinks order, although the barmaid eyed her wearily; she still carried out the order. Bea turned and sent the guy a wonky smile, focusing on holding herself up. Her legs were threatening to give way,

 **“So, you here alone?”**  
 **“No, with my friends. You?”**  
 **“Same, but I’ve lost them,”**  
 **“Do you want me to help you find them? I’m rweaallyy good at fwinding pweople!”**  
He laughed and shook his head, as the barmaid returned the guy put his hand over Bea’s and used the other to hand over his own money. Bea went to protest but he shook his head, leaning in too close for comfort,  
**“Honestly, it’s on me. A pretty girl like you deserves all the drinks,”**  
Bea felt rude if she were to leave now so she decided to humour him. She lifted up a shot to him, which he took and she lifted up her own. They clinked and then drank. Bea shook her head and scrunched up her face before yelling out a cheer, the guy watched with amusement before laughing. His laughter was cut short as Bea fell into him, his arm finding his way to her waist. She slurred another sorry before trying to move but his grip suddenly tightened,  
 **“It’s ok, so what’s your name?** ”  
There was just something about him that made her horribly uncomfortable, between the buying of the drinks and the grip on her hip did Bea knew it was time to leave,   
She giggled awkwardly and shook her head,  
**“Look, I’m gonna go thanks for the drinks but I-”**  
 **“Go? But you’ve just got here, I think you should stay a bit longer,”**  
 **“No honestly I’m fine,”**  
He then threatened it wasn’t an option. Suddenly Bea found herself pulling and pushing as best as she could, his lips getting closer. She begged, begged and cried for him to let go. He snarled, telling her to stop it. His lips were getting closer, and before she knew what she was doing - an unflattering loud burp erupted from her mouth,

 **“I’m so sorry I-”**  
It had worked, for the guy had now freed her. His face screwed up in disgust. Although she had presumed the guy’s touch being the culprit behind the sudden turning in her stomach, the shots and mix of spirits beg to differ. Bea felt that familiar bubble of sick put up a fight with her insides and before she knew it, she swiped her clutch from the bar side and pushed her way through the crowd - heading to outside.   
The cool air was a soft contrast against her warm skin, Bea swooped up her hair to make way for the vomit that splattered the pavement below; her body swaying slightly as she struggled to hold herself up. A strange groan vibrated at the back of her throat as she felt all colour drain from her face. Another bout of vomit hit the ground violently, the splashback hitting her toes,

“Oh God,”  
Bea let out another groan before she spat the remaining spew on to the floor. Holding up a thumbs up at a guy in the smokers section who’d asked if she was ok. She held her hunched position for a moment longer before she straightened herself up, well tried to. Her feet stumbled once more, very narrowly missing her freshly thrown up sick,  
“Don’t even try it,”  
Spoke the doorman. Bea had forgotten he was there and even in her obliterated mind did she know, once you’re sick outside do you stay outside,  
“Please, my friends are inside. Go and get James, he’ll tell you once I’m sick I’m fine,”  
“James has finished. Come on, love, go home,”  
She knew it was pointless arguing, the guy towered over her in both strength and height. She had seen young girls, like herself, attempt to rush in and were kicked to the curb. Although tempted, Bea wasn’t exactly stable even when sober. One push and it would be lights out. She debated on asking the doorman could he possibly let James know where she was so her friends didn’t worry, knowing his shift wasn’t over for a good hour, but like it was said; doormen were not to be argued or fought with. She admitted defeat and headed for the smokers section, she would wait there,

“You alright?”  
Asked the same guy who’d saw her vomit,   
“Eh, I’ll live,” She mumbled through her cigarette, attempting to light the nicotine. After a few frustrated clicks did another lighter come into view. She tossed a glance at the guy and muttered a ‘Thanks’ Before leaning the cigarette forward and inhaling the smoke, she exhaled and sent the guy a small smile. The two said nothing, just the bass of the club and their inhales and exhales to be heard. She glanced at him and judging by his feminine stance; Bea was safe from another molesting for the night. She relaxed at this,  
“So, you here with friends?”  
“Yeah, well boyfriend,”  
Her suspicions were correct,   
“Oh, where is he?”  
“Inside somewhere, not that I care,”  
He admitted glumly. Sober Bea would’ve left well alone, then again Sober Bea wouldn’t be smoking, but Drunk Bea, or Patricia as her friends called it, had no filter and so she asked,  
“Did you two fight?” The boy eyed her suspiciously, before caving and confessing,  
“You know what men and alcohol are like, hands and lips on everyone,”  
“Tell me about it,” Bea sighed, thinking back to the stranger at the bar. Bea then started rant, telling him ‘How men ain’t shit’ And that they both ‘Deserved better’ The two giggled and hyped one another up, as Bea’s cigarette came to an end she then smiled before saying “Well, I better go,”  
“Are you sure you’re ok? I don’t mind sharing a taxi,”  
That was of sweet of him, she said, but honestly she needed to get home and soon as Peter wanted to hang back for the moment his boyfriend came staggering out. He told her he wasn’t going to let her go until he got her number and she gladly handed it over,  
“Well, I’ll see you Peter. You take care of yourself,”  
“And you, little one,”  
They shared a smile and as Bea turned were she was met with a furious stare,  
“Bea,”  
But it wasn’t Sarah nor Tim, not even James, but Finn. Strangely. He was dressed in a black hoody with jeans, giving the impression he wasn’t here to party, he stalked over and snapped,  
“James told me what happened, Sarah and Tim are going out their minds,”  
“Yeah. Looks it,” She snarled, the friends nowhere insight,  
“Yeah, I told them to stay inside. Look at the state of you,”  
“I’m fine,” She hiccuped.  
“Looks it,”  
Before Finn could scold her further, a voice called out behind,  
“You alright, Bea?”  
She turned and as her mouth opened, she felt a chest press firmly into her back,  
“She’s fine, mate, I’ve got her,”  
Finn’s voice vibrated against her back and was sharp, and full of warning,  
“I wasn’t asking you,” Did Peter call back,  
Bea’s hand found it’s way on to Finn’s and she gave a gentle squeeze. She felt him relax,  
“I’m fine, Pee, I’m gonna go. I’ll text you,”  
  
She looked up at Finn, who’s stare was glued to Peter, his chest on eye level with her face. She fully turned and asked gently, “Where’s your car?” He glanced down at her and he suddenly softened, it was now she saw the darkening mark underneath his socket and curling around his eye, before she could ask he took her hand fully and began guiding her around the corner. Once out of sight did he let go,   
“You know, you really need to watch what you drink,”  
“I’m sorry, didn’t realise I was a child!”  
“Could’ve fooled me, seriously Bea. This needs to stop,”  
“What does? Having a good time? You’re the one who needs to stop bloody stalking m-”  
He caught her arm, saving her from tumbling in her gutter. The two shared a look before she snapped her arm back and they continued to walk,   
“You’re being dramatic,” He told her.  
“I’m not being dramatic!” She cried.  
“You’re always being fucking dramatic,”  
“Piss off, Finn,”  
“Why are you always like this?” He groaned, speaking to her like she was a kid,  
“Like what? Look, like I said I was only trying to have a good night. That’s all.”  
“If you call vomiting, getting thrown out of a club, almost getting attacked then-”  
“Peter’s gay,”  
“I’m not talking about him,”  
He said nothing further, shutting himself up. Neither did she, but it bothered her. How could he have known about the guy at the bar? This annoyed her because if that meant somebody had told him, why didn’t anybody help? As they reached the car, Bea couldn’t help herself. The dark mark was beginning to torment her,  
“What happened to your face?”  
His hand hovered over the door handle, he stood for a moment. Debating on whether to tell her, she could see his eyes searching for an excuse before he admitted,   
“Fight,”  
He then climbed in, door slammed shut. Bea took a moment, incredulous. Her mind went in to overdrive, his words ‘Almost getting attacked’ Echoed. As if a lightbulb went off did she then throw herself in the car, blurting out,  
“You didn’t have to fight for me,”  
He held the key before the ignition, slowly turning as he asked,  
“ _What_?”  
“The guy, at the bar. You didn’t have to get hurt for me,”  
He let out a laugh, but it wasn’t friendly. Nor was the shake of the head, he pointed at the dark mark as he stated, “ _This_ wasn’t for you, this was something else. God, you’re vain,”  
He then brought the car to life and set off, but Bea wasn’t going to let it drop,  
“Then how did you know I nearly got attacked?”  
“I saw it, I popped in to see James. If you want to know actually where this came from, if you have to know it was from another fight. I fight for money,”  
“Then why didn’t you stop him?” Off of his look did she then explained, “If you saw it,”  
“You said you didn’t need my help,”

He had her there. After the times she’d told him, this didn’t come as a surprise. Although, she couldn’t help but feel put out, almost as though she _wanted_ him to fight for her but she wasn’t one of those girls who went looking for trouble. Trouble just happened to find her. Now it was on to why he fought for money, who was he. People seemed to flinch and stare whenever he walked by, he seemed to know everybody from doormen to business owners, and he fought for money. The more she got to know him, the less she actually knew,  
“Why do you fight for money?”  
“Why are you so nosey?”  
“Just am,”  
“Well then, I just do,”  
“Yes, but why?”  
He had, had enough. He had, had enough of constantly coming to her aid and never being thanked. The sarcasm, the attitude and the constant questions and so, he snapped,  
_“Because I just do, Bea! Will you just LEAVE it!”_  
Her shoulders popped up in fright at his heightened voice. He hadn’t meant to have shouted, he really hadn’t. He didn’t want Bea to be frightened of him, just like everybody else but between the attitude and 21 questions... It just happened, he could taste their almost-friendship shatter on his lips as soon as he barked at her and it was then between the alcohol and stress of everything did her bottom lip quiver and the tears begin to stream. Alarmed, he stuttered,  
“Bea, pl-please don’t cry, I’m sorry I-”  
“Why,” Sob, “Do you,” Sniff, “Hate me?”  
This, surprised him. He thought back on every time he was with her, he couldn’t think possibly where he gave the impression he did hate her. In fact he thought his feelings of something different entirely were pretty obvious,   
“Hate you? Bea I.... Don’t be so ridiculous,”  
“Yes you do! I see the way you look at me, the way you speak to me. I have ears and eyes you know and I...”  
But her throat grew dry as she continued to cry, unable to speak any more. He was speechless, he couldn’t argue his case on why he was so... The way he was towards her. No, no for if he did he would have to tell her. Wouldn’t he?  
“Bea, don’t be daft. Of course I don’t hate you, if anything I...”  
His voice faltered, shaking his head as he focused on the road,  
“If anything,” Sniff, “You what?”  
“Nothing. Please, just leave it,”

She didn’t want to, but she now knew most definitely to leave well alone. Saved by her flat, they were outside. She whimpered a thank you before she searched her bag for her keys, ready to get home and put the whole, shit show behind her but the more she rattled her bag; the more it became silent. No jangle of the keys,  
 _“Fuck’s sake!”_ Her head hit the seat in frustration before she huffed, “Sarah’s got the bloody keys,”  
This lead to Finn asking did she not have her own? Of course she did but for as long as they had been going on nights out there was an agreement that only one of them took keys, why? It was stupid, which she knew but it was something they did and a system that worked but what surprised her next was him softly asking,  
“Do you want to come back to mine?” A pause, “Until they get home, or jump on my couch just in case they aren’t back till morning,”  
As tempted as she was to tell him no, climb out of the car and pray there was open window she could shimmy into; her lips told him ‘Ok.’

The block of apartments were in a nicer part of town, somewhere just on the outskirts. Even under the dark sky it managed to emit a creative vibe about it. You’d be sure to find individuals hunched over note books as they transferred their imagination from their mind to paper.   
There was a mixture of modern and traditional architecture lining the road, tall trees along the path. As the two climbed out, Finn waited before crossing the road.   
Bea followed him down a small brick path in between two buildings, her hand brushing the left wall that displayed splashes of colour that were vibrant against the orange glow of the street light. They stopped stopped in front of a metal door, Finn pulled the keys from his back pocket and Bea watched as his back muscles flexed underneath the hooded piece of clothing. 

They were shortly in and up the stairs; their footsteps echoing in the empty entrance. Even the inside was nice; white washed walls and wooden floors - nothing like the grubby council flats down by Bea’s. They eventually reached Finn’s front door and Bea couldn’t lie - she was nervous.   
Her heart hammered in her chest, what kind of place did a man like Finn have? Clean or messy? Small or large? Judging by the entrance, it was going to be something not too shy of gorgeous. She was led in, awkwardly glancing between Finn and the hallway; muttering a ‘Thanks’ Before walking ahead and through the open white door. 

The inside was big and ran along the theme of serious time travel. It was all open plan, the living room and kitchen connected as one as did the dining area. As Bea stepped into living room to her left was a long strip of doors, two on either side and one at the end. The place wasn’t huge but not particularly small. Bea was expecting expensive Italian furniture and glass walls, instead she was greeted to vintage pieces and a sea of vibrant greenery in pots. Ivory was draped along the mantel piece, trailing downwards. A fern hung from the ceiling and just above a circle mirror. 

His corner couch looked warm, a dark colour with throw pillows neatly aligned along it and a soft, patchwork blanket hung over the back. A little office chair sat facing the TV. The said TV upon the wall was one of those new, huge smart tellies and would swallow Bea’s little 32" she had back at the flat. The only thing that appeared to be of modern taste. Records upon records lined up on shelves.   
A glass table that could be pulled out in a swirling motion and open up to two was occupied with a glass ashtray, scattered letters and junk mail. Spot lights shone down and gave the place a cold glow. Family photos hung up in frames on the right next to the door Bea just walked through.A few photos also jotted around the apartment. A pizza box lingered on a counter top, the only thing that signalled a young man lived here, it was like she was threw back in time.  
Not what she was expecting at all.

She moved inwards more, surveying. Finn eventually appeared, more junk mail between his fingers as he flicked through them before tossing them on the dining table to his right,  
“Wow Finn this is,” Another glance around, “Lovely,”  
He said nothing, just simply smiled at her for he didn’t want to boast before making his way to the kitchen sink. He peeled away the hoody and tossed it to the counter beside him. A white t shirt underneath.  
Bea didn’t really know what she was expecting with his home, something scary perhaps, but it wasn’t. In fact, it was more welcoming if anything,  
“Finn?”  
“Mmm.”   
His deep voice hummed. Bea entered the kitchen, her eyes fell on Finn’s back as he ran his hand under the cool water - it was now she noticed the dried blood and split knuckle. His head twisted watching her as she stood by a counter. She nervously fiddled with her fingers as he turned back. The taut muscles in his arms became prominent as he twisted the tap, shutting the water off. He grabbed a cloth from the side and placed it over the injured hand, drying off the moisture before twisting around to face her,

“Do you have a first aid kit?”  
He frowned, eyeing her cautiously as he cradled the cloth over his knuckle,  
“In that cupboard,” His eyes flickered to the cupboard he was referring to. Bea nodded and walked over, opening up to finding what she needed. As she rest it upon the kitchen side, opening it up, did she tut,  
“This isn’t exactly a first aid kit, Finn,”   
“I never normally need one,”  
“Well maybe you should invest in one,”  
He found himself growing awkward, not used to a girl scolding him over his lack of medicines and supplies. He was curious, watching her as she fished through it before pulling out gaze, bandage and some antiseptic,  
“Bea, I don’t-”  
“Give me your hand,”  
She was now in front of him, his hand was cradled to his chest. He wasn’t sure what it was about the way she looked at him but before he knew it, his hand was placed in her soft palm. They really were soft, quite small too,   
“Your hands are really soft,”  
His words took them both by surprise, the cloth with antiseptic was held up as she stopped. The two looked before shooing the moment. As she swooped over the knuckle did he hiss, snatching his hand away. She tutted and pulled it back,

“Keep still,”  
“It hurts,” He whined,  
“It’s supposed to,”  
Another frown from him and another tut from her.   
He curiously watched her before speaking,  
“You can take my bed.” Bea’s heart thumped at his words. She didn’t want to stay in his bedroom. “No... No, it’s fine, I’ll sleep on the couch,”  
A stray curl fell down over his eyes before he pushed it back with his free hand,  
“Don’t be difficult and just take the bed,” He spoke somewhat harshly,  
“No.” 

His forehead creased in a frown, dark eyes narrowing at her. He wasn’t used to people disobeying his demands, but for some reason; he didn’t mind Bea telling him no. Although annoying, the unknown territory of somebody telling him ‘No.” Interested him, 

“Are you always this bossy?”  
She snorted,  
“What gave you that idea?”  
And with this, he smiled. A genuine smile. As Bea finished wrapping his hand up did she then ask,  
“What is it you do? I mean, I know fightings good money an all but not enough to afford a place like this,” She then cringed and apologised, commenting how it wasn’t her place to ask,  
“It’s fine,” He smiled, “I teach, up at the gym. Classes, kids and adults, it’s tiring but a job’s a job,”  
This was the first time Bea had gotten through a conversation with him without wanting to strangle him. It was nice,  
“There we go, Rocky, all done,”  
She moved and began collecting the wrappers, his hand suddenly felt cold. He watched her as she manoeuvred about, putting wrappers in the bin and collecting the unused bits and pieces before putting them away,  
“Do you need anything to drink? Water? Juice?”  
“Oh, erm, water please,”  
He nodded, beginning to pour her a glass. Although itching for something alcoholic, she opted for water. She needed to stay alert, even though a vodka would relax her. He passed her over the glass and she took a sip, the two unsure of what to do next,  
“Do you want something more comfortable? That dress doesn’t look exactly sleep easy,”  
“I... I’m ok, honestly. I’ve done it before,”  
But this time he wasn’t going to take no for an answer and so, he left. Leaving Bea to wonder. she took another sip before placing the glass down. Awaiting his return, and when he did; a bundle of clothes where scrunched in his hands,  
“Finn honestly I-”  
He shook his head, tossing her the clothes,  
“My room’s first on the left, knock yourself out,”  
She watched as he headed over to the living room, throwing himself on the couch and switching the TV on with the remote. Her eyes moved to his bedroom door before she admitted defeat and headed towards it.   
A majority of the room was white, but still had hint’s of black and grey. A completely different contrast to the vibrant living room. The bed was a low one, practically sitting on the floor; if it weren’t for the black, wooden bed frame then it’d be just a mattress. The size of the room was not large but most certainly not small - somewhere in between that it could be classed as cosy but a touch airy. On the floor was white, wooden floorboards. The wardrobe before her was long, with no doors - the male clothes hung up on a long and metal pole. Underneath the clothes were shoes neatly lined up as they stood along black, glossed drawers. On the floor was a large and shaggy, pale grey rug. A white and glossed bedside table sat singular - which help up a grey lamp and next to that was a black, leather armchair with one lonely, lilac grey throw pillow. It was very feminine and simple.  
Simple compared to the jungle out there.

Her hands felt around for the switch, and the room came to life. The street light no longer the only guidance. She closed the door behind her and began to strip, as her shoes were peeled off her feet did she breathe. Flexing her toes out. Once in nothing but her bra and knickers did she shake out the t-shirt he had lent her, that and a pair of boxers. It was old and worn, the band logo faded against the black and bits of writing were frail and peeling away. She threw it on, followed by the pants and the strong smell of the familiar washing powder curled around her face. Her small frame was swallowed in the material. She felt comfortable.

She collected her clothes and shoes before heading back out, his face peaked from the behind the couch as he asked,  
“Everything ok?”  
“Yes, thank you,”  
He was satisfied with this and turned his attention back to the TV. Bea folded her clothes up and placed them upon the table, slotting her shoes underneath a chair. She headed over to the couch, fingers combing underneath her hair as she collected it all; sliding her bobble from her wrist and wrapping the hair and tie together into a scruffy pony tail. Bea then turned and watched Finn. He had now placed an arm behind his head, his t-shirt lifting slightly to reveal a peak at his stomach, his body wasn’t chiselled but the hip bones were prominent and defined. The TV remote against his lips as he grew lost in the show.  
Bea felt her stomach tighten and her legs twitch, now Bea wasn’t exactly experienced when it came to sex. But she wasn’t completely useless and once a drink in her, she became somewhat of a vixen. Although now practically sober, the remainder of the drink lingered and she couldn’t help herself as she said,  
“Finn?”  
“Hmm?”  
He suddenly found the remote being dropped to chest as Bea lashed herself at him, legs straddling his hips and her lips completely smothering his,  
“Whoa whoa whoa, Bea! Calm down,”  
He pushed her back slightly as he panted, “What are you doing?”  
“I thought tha-”  
“You thought what?”  
His hair was wild, chest rising and falling heavily. Cheeks flushed. His hands resting on her hips, the two stared at each other. One confused and one; angry. She pushed herself off of him and the couch,  
“I don’t get it, I just don’t get it,”   
“Get what, Bea?”  
“You! First all you’re all flirty then you’re all shouty and then you’re all _hey come back to mine_ ,”  
She mocked in a deep voice, an attempt to mimic his, “And now when I try it you push me off! You either hate me or you don’t, make up your mind!”  
He now sat up and said,  
“I invited you to be nice not to, you know, I invited you to keep you _safe_ ”  
“Oh come on Finn, I’m not stupid! I know how this goes,”  
“So, what that’s what you think of me? That I invite random girls back to my flat?” He could feel his chest rising and his back tightening up,   
“Oh so I’m just some random girl now?”  
His face dropped before he shook his head, “No, that’s not what I meant but I-”  
“Then what did you mean?”   
“I don’t believe this,”  
He pushed himself off of the couch and began to pace,  
“I can’t believe you’d think I’d bring you here to shag you, Bea, I know I’m a flirt but give me some credit,”  
She stopped. As did he. Both staring one another down, her eyes were full of fire and questioning. His, were full of confusion and quite frankly; hurt. Wounded. He then shook his head and said softly,  
“I know I haven’t been nice, but I would never have brought you back here just to shag you, Bea. That’s, that’s not me. I don’t _do_ that, aside from my mum, sister and Jane you are the only girl who’s ever been here, this is my home. Not a brothel.”  
That, she found hard to believe. She was curious at the name Jane but she let it drop and passed him as she headed for the door,  
“I’m not doing this. Look, I’ll clean your clothes and get Tim to give you them back. Just pass my stuff whenever you see him,”  
But he was refusing to let her go so easily, his hand gripped her arm as he turned her towards him. Desperate,  
“Please, don’t go. I’m sorry I gave you the wrong impression just please don’t go,”  
“What is it you want from me, Finn? Why are you so... So hot and cold, I don’t get it. I don’t deserve it, it’s not fair,” She was right, he knew this. He moved towards her, her eyes now cast upwards to his face as he towered over her. Suddenly his hands were placed on either side of her face, every part of her skin what he had touched seemed soft. It was tempting,  
“Alright, you want the truth? Bea, I’m not a nice person. I’m not somebody I want you being around, you’re sweet. You’re too sweet, I’d ruin you, hurt you and I’d never forgive myself if I did. But, I don’t bring girls back here, I never have done. I usually just go back to their place,” He shrugged, “And you’re right you don’t deserve it,” He admitted, “You don’t deserve someone like me,”   
“But you might not,” Her tone was pleading. He smiled gently at her, her naivety melting his heart,  
“I wish I knew that I wouldn’t, I really do. I just... it’s just...” Air coming out in a sigh, “You’re different, you don’t say yes. You argue back, you’re clumsy, you’re... But you’d end up hating me I know you would and that’s the last thing I want,”  
He rested his forehead on hers, defeated. Her little body pressed into his, her small face melting into his hands,  
_“I could never hate you,”_  
She admitted in a whisper. She couldn’t deny it any longer, no matter how much he annoyed her; she knew it wasn’t because she couldn’t stand him. She couldn’t lie to herself any longer. The two stood there for a little moment, breathing one another in. It was he, who pulled away,  
“Come on, you need sleep,”  
“But I’m not tired,”  
He ignored her and took her hand, guiding her towards his bedroom. She accepted the defeat and walked in behind him, surpassing him as she walked towards the centre of the room. He hovered in the doorway, he folded his arms and leaned sideways as he said,  
“I’m not leaving until you’re in that bed,”  
She huffed, like a child before lifting up the sheets and sliding in. She curled up onto her side as she asked,  
“Happy?” 

“Ecstatic,”


	3. Well this is cosy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Mentions of sexual assault.

3.  
The light was harsh, even through closed eyeballs. Bea dare not open her eyes, her face buried in the mountain of pillows. She let out a groan, wiping her face on the material before she slowly rolled over. Hitting a body with a thud. Her eyes shot open upon hearing the “Omph,” Her nose touching somebody else’s.  
“You know, if you wanted to feel me up again you could just ask,”  
Finn.   
His voice was deep, laced with sleep. She fumbled backwards on to her knees, saying she was sorry over and over. His chest was bare with just the blanket she recognised from the couch draped across his bottom half. As he rose she could now see two pillows squashed in to one another,  
“I’m sorry, I forgot Finn I’m so sorry,”  
“It’s fine,” He yawned, rubbing his eyes,  
“What are you....”  
He glanced back at his pillows before bringing his knees upwards and resting his arms on them; hands linking together, “You started shouting in your sleep, I think you were having a nightmare so, I thought I was best camping in here because I know they’re not nice. Especially when you’re on your own,”  
“You have nightmares?”  
“Mmhm, long as I can remember,”  
Bea hated to admit she found this cute, now sober she found herself back to being careful around him. Even with his tattooed and tanned body being a distraction. She nodded before beginning to rise,   
“Well, thanks for the clothes and the bed,”  
His hand caught her wrist; the grip was tight and desperate but not painful,  
“Where are you going?”  
“You’ve done enough for me, so, I’ll just grab my clothes and you know… Leave,” A bright and white, crooked smile shone up at her, “No, you’re going to eat,”  
Her tummy churned at the thought of food, her cheeks turning a little green as she said,  
“Finn, that’s sweet but I really could think of nothing worse,”

He looked up at her from his lashes, he playfully pouted as he said “Pleaaase? It’s the least you can do,” It made her reciprocate with a small, but just as playful, smile. Followed by a “Alright, if you insist."   
His eyes scanned her body, "You look nice,” She gave him a look which he just simply turned away at, grabbing his phone.

She couldn’t understand how he could say such, such flirty and charming words and yet turn away like he had just asked her whether she wanted a cup of tea.   
It baffled her. The flirting was so easy with him, the words always rolled off his tongue so smoothly. He rose out of his makeshift bed, outstretching his hand. His sweatpants had now dipped a little lower on his hips. Her eyes glanced from his hand to his face, “Come on,” She slowly took his it and was hoisted to her feet with ease, their chests bumped. 

He then stuttered an apology before pointing at the door, now suddenly coy,   
“Right, breakfast,” He then left.   
Bea stood still, unsure of whether to move. He suddenly popped his head back in and giggled, a more younger and child-like Finn appeared, “You can come through you know,”   
“Oh! Right, yeah,”  
She then moved forward, her eyes fell to the floor as she followed behind - she was led into the living room before he split off into the kitchen.   
It felt like returning to a crime scene, pieces flashing back into Bea’s mind. Her insides cringing. If Finn was cringing too, he wasn’t showing it for he warned from beside the cooker,  
“I know you’re probably feeling like twice boiled shit but I won’t take you home until you at least eat a piece of toast, ok?”   
“Yes sir,”  
Bea said, placing two fingers to her forehead before mockingly saluting. Finn rolled his eyes at this before turning to start breakfast. All Bea knew is, she needed to sit down. Her stomach turning more violently by the minute. She slowly lowered herself onto the couch and closed her eyes, wincing every time she wanted to vomit. Her mind betrayed her as it drifted back to last night, the kissing, the arguing, his words...   
' _You don’t deserve someone like me,'_  
 _Someone like him_ seemed such a bold statement, considering how normal he appeared to be. Well, define normal. But he didn’t seem like a monster, just a bad temper with a nice face. The smell of buttered bread drifted up towards her, her eyes opened to be greeted by a plate of toast which her stomach let out a sickly grumble at. But, she politely accepted and he took the seat beside her; eating his own. He paused and turned, watching,

“What?”  
“Eat, Bea,”  
“I will in a minute,”  
“Now,”  
His tone spoke of stern telling. She huffed in annoyance and ripped a piece apart with her teeth, he seemed happy with this and continued to eat. She instantly regretted the first bite as she began to chew, her mouth like sandpaper. Her teeth felt furry and her stomach gave out another lurch. She shook her head and placed the plate on the coffee table,  
“I can’t Finn, I can’t,”  
She swallowed and grimaced, he tutted at this. No sympathy. He continued to munch happily away before his phone rang out, he frowned at the caller ID as he asked Bea, “Do you mind?” She told him not at all, and so he placed the plate upon the table and left for his bedroom. The door clicking behind him. Bea let out a groan and threw herself sideways on the couch, wishing the room to stay still for just a moment. She simply wanted nothing more than to be curled up around her toilet right now. As if her prayers were answered did Finn walk back in, fully clothed, asking,  
“Do you mind if I take you home? It’s just I’ve got somewhere I’ve gotta be,”  
“Yeah course, let me just get changed,”  
“Don’t be silly, Bea, keep them,”  
“But they’re yours,”  
“And I’m telling you to keep them,”  
They looked at one another for a moment, unable to read each other. Bea made the first move, heading towards her stuff and scooping them up in her arms. She went to put on her heels when Finn said, “Leave them, I’ll carry you,”  
“Oh Finn, don’t be daft,”  
He moved her out the way as he bent forwards and swiped up the shoes,   
“Now come on, I’ve really got to go.”

They hurried out of the flat and into the corridor. The turn of the lock echoing throughout, the two headed down the stairs and that’s when they stopped. Finn then moved in front and crouched down, frog like,  
“Come on, Bea I haven’t got all day,”  
Before her brain could compute what was happening, she hopped on and his strong arms scooped underneath her legs as he rose; her shoes dangling from one hand. He hoisted her up his back and the movement of the jiggle turned her stomach. She let out a groan. One arm wrapped around his neck whilst her other hand placed her dress and bag tightly between her chest and his back. The free arm now joining the other at the front, tightly holding on. He opened the main door with his foot and they were outside,

“Well this is cosy,”  
He breathed a laugh at her over his shoulder, it was now she noticed the freckle that kissed the corner of his mouth, a dimple accompanied it as it left an impression deep within his cheek. He smelt of washing powder and an aftershave she recognised but couldn’t quite put her finger on. She dread to think what she smelt like, the vodka appeared to have blocked her sense of smell. But she knew it went along the lines of vomit, stale smoke and regret,  
“Wow, you really are tall aren’t you,”  
Bea pointed out as she looked around. They reached his car and he let her down, handing over her shoes,  
“Or maybe you’re just really short,” He smiled at her and she nudged him with her shoulder before carefully moving around to the passenger side, trying to dodge any loose gravel and stone upon the floor.

****  
“Come on, push yourself! That’s it!”  
The gym was lively, punches were thrown, feet danced and people sweated. Finn stood at the top of the class, a tight white tee and grey sweatpants his attire. Stray curls stuck to his forehead, he scooped his towel off of the floor and gave his face a wipe before tossing it to the side as he stuck himself right back in, weaving in and out of his Saturday crew. A mixture of ten and twelve year olds partnered up with one another. One half had two pads stuck to their little hands whilst the others punched. Skilled movement they had learnt being demonstrated, he displayed some moves to a couple who seemed to be struggling before he moved forward; coming to a slow halt upon seeing a little shadow in the corner,

“April? What’s the matter?”  
He now levelled down to her, his knees bent. April was one of the younger and more smaller kids of the class, a dust of freckles accumulated the cutest little face. Her chin was rested in her hands, eyes longing,

“I don’t have a partner,”  
How this went amiss with Finn, he didn’t know but there were at least thirty in the room. And April was rather small,  
“What about Ellie?”  
“She’s with Patrick,”  
“Oh,”  
He bounced slightly as he looked around, before rising and stating,  
“Come on I’ll be your partner,”  
Her arms slowly lowered down as she asked, “What?”  
“Come on, you can’t be left out. I won’t allow it even if it’s already ten minutes in,”  
She giggled at his jokingly commanding tone,   
“Ok,”  
She got to her feet and he took her tiny hand in his bear paw, they moved to the basket of pads and gloves. April settled on a blue pair of gloves and Finn wriggled on the small pads, they almost like finger puppets. He then lowered to his knees, now almost perfect height with the little one. Holding his hands up, did he begin,  
“Yeah! That’s it! Hit harder! Harder, I know you’ve got it in you,”  
April giggled and continued to throw punches, her breathing become heavy as where Finn never so much as flinched. April then accidentally clipped his face, he let out a pretend gasp. He then swooped her up in his arms, throwing her over his shoulder, swirling her around. The giggles that erupted from her mouth alarmed the class, who now watched. He gave one last twirl before stopping,   
“And that, guys, is how you stop an attack,”  
Some of the class giggled, some did not. The girly half could only look on with envy, Mr. Thomas had never asked any of _them_ to block and punch with him. Finn glanced at the time, seeing the remaining twenty minutes had passed and slowly placed April on the floor, announcing,  
“Right, guys, that’s enough for today. Same time next Saturday,”  
As the class departed, throwing their gloves and pads in the box as they walk on through, did he spot a familiar face in the door,  
“Cute,”  
“Bea?”  
He headed over to his water bottle and picked it up, taking a gulp before asking,  
“What are you doing here?”  
“Spin class,”  
He now noticed her own form of gym gear, attempting to ignore the way it hugged her body and nodded, “Oh, good?”  
“Yeah, tough though,”  
The atmosphere was awkward. The pair hadn’t had any form of encounter since last Friday, a whole week and one day ago. Not even a text shared between the two. Bea moved her own water bottle awkwardly between her hands before asking,  
“When’s your next class?”  
“In a minute... Actually, it’s good you’re here,”  
“Really?”  
“Mmhm,” He began to walk towards the colourful row of yoga mats as he explained, “It’s a self defence class and well, I need a volunteer for the demonstrations,” He looked at her and she replied with a clueless look, “So wait until they get here,”  
His shoulders dropped before he replied, “You, Bea, I’m talking about you,”  
“Ha! Fat chance,” A pause, “Wait, you’re serious? You can piss off, I’m sure the class will be lining up to be molested by you.”  
“You’d be surprised how shy they can get, plus less of the molested please,”  
He was finishing up laying out the mats before he approached her, his eyes pleading yet again,  
“Come on, I’ll buy you a drink?”   
“No, Finn,”  
“Please? It’d be really good for you to learn, might even come in handy. And plus you’re really small and easy to move too,”  
This was true, the coming in handy part. For lately Bea seemed to be attracting creeps left and right, she huffed before telling him a curt, “Fine,” Through gritted teeth. She placed her water bottle down before joining his side at the top of the class as the door opened and the group of women both old and young poured in. Finn’s voice suddenly changed, turning all teacher-like,  
“Alright, ladies, find yourself a mat please and take a seat,” Bea had to suppress a giggle behind her hand, passing it off as a cough.   
A few shuffles here and there, as everybody got themselves comfy did Finn begin,  
“Welcome back, everyone. It’s nice to see some returning faces and some new, for those who don’t know I’m Finn and for those who do, hi,” He shot them a smile which earned a few low giggles,  
“Today, we have a special guest and my partner for this lesson,” Bea heard a few tuts and saw a few arms cross, “Everybody this is Bea,”  
“Hi Bea,” The class called back, which Bea reciprocated with a small wave and smile. Finn swung into full teacher mode, explaining the lesson ahead. Bea zoned out, her eyes wandering out before they snapped back as Finn called out,   
“Alright Bea, are you ready?”  
“Huh?”  
The class and Finn shared a laugh before he stated, “And that’s the first rule, always be aware of your surroundings. Bea, if you could lie down for me,”  
“What?”  
“On the floor, on your back,”  
“Oh right, ok, I erm,” Bea awkwardly sat down before lowering herself on to her back, awaiting for the next move. Her eyes trailed up to the ceiling, Finn then came to view as he hovered over her. Making her jump slightly, he smiled quickly before turning to the class,  
“Ok, so, out of most positions will this be the one you find yourself trapped in. Bea, open your legs for me,” The class broke out in giggles, and Finn couldn’t help himself as he let a little laugh slip before stating,   
“Now now come on, focus,” He turned to Bea, who’s cheeks were splashed pink but she did what she was told. Opening up for him did he slot himself between, his palms spread out either side of her face,   
“Now Bea, I want you to move your arms across your chest into what we call a coffin,” Bea did as told, “Right, now I’m going to drop myself on to you as you take my weight,” Off of her alarmed look did he laugh, “Don’t look so scared, I promise you it works,” A pause, “Ready?” He then dropped his full body weight down and surprisingly, she took it. His curls tickled her forehead and his eyes darted around her face before he turned to the group, lifting his head slightly,  
“See?” He raised his hands, “I am completely on top and she’s taking it all, now. What can Bea do to get herself out of this?”  
He waited for somebody to answer, lowering his arms back down. His body resting on his forearms either side of her but Bea’s eyes never left his face. Her breathing becoming uneven and not because of the new found weight on her chest. Mutters fluttered throughout the class before someone asked,  
“Butt you?”  
His laughter vibrated throughout Bea’s body, he admitted with a smile, “Not quite,” He turned back to Bea and asked her to wriggle as hard as she could but no luck, in which he asked her, “How do you feel?”  
Something tight wedged within her throat as she admitted,  
“Powerless,”  
He nodded at this, before stating, “Right, I want you to move your leg around my back and,” He looked at the group, “This is very important,” Back to Bea, “I want you to kick your heel as hard as you can into my tail bone,”   
“What, Finn I-I can’t I-”  
“Don’t worry it’s fine,”   
Bea hesitated, the two now looking at one another, “Trust me,”  
They suddenly paused, his curls almost tickled her forehead again and his eyes pierced deeply into hers. The air stilled and a cough from within the room brought the two back to what was happening.   
And with that did Bea find herself bringing her leg around and raising it up, before hammering it down exactly where he said. He let out a groan before moaning through a pained gasp, “Now Bea, hit your palm up into my nose,” “Finn, I-” “DO IT,” And out of sheer fright did she, sending Finn on to his side. She then found herself free and backed away, there was a moment where everyone held their breath before Finn then rolled on his side and sat up. Completely fine,  
“Now, in the moment you’ll want to find yourself moving a lot quicker,” He shot Bea a look, “Alright everyone partner up and let’s get to work,”

****  
Bea was hunched over as she finished the last toe with ‘Berry Poison’ She screwed the lid back on before waddling over to the dinner table, it now occupied by three as Malik was back from his holiday. His eyes bright and his tan was fresh,   
“You look like you’ve shit yourself,” He laughed,  
Bea sat down and mocked his laugh. It was nice to have him home, however annoying he may be. Sarah sat hunched over a magazine, hand lazily flicking through the pages, “Bea, your boyfriend text you again,”  
Malik’s head shot up, “Boyfriend? What boyfriend? Details please,”  
“Sorry to disappoint Only Gay In The Village but it isn’t my boyfriend,” She swiped the phone off of the table and away from prying eyes, “It’s a friend,” “Yes, a really hot friend named Finn,” She shot Sarah a look, Malik’s mouth fell open, “Beatrice Flowers, you better spill!” Lightly slapping her arm.  
She groaned, rolling her eyes and sinking back into her seat, “Honestly, he’s a friend. It’s James’ mate,”  
“Oh my God,” He moved his arm back, “Please don’t tell me you’re on about Finn Thomas,”  
Her eyes narrowed, now she was interested, “Yes how did yo-”  
“Oh my God, Bea,” He made a klaxon noise, “No, no don’t even go there,”  
“What? Why?”  
“Are you kidding me?” He tossed a look between the girls, “The man’s a psycho!”  
  
Bea scoffed at this, as did Sarah, “I don’t know what Finn Thomas you’re talking about but the one I know is deffo not a psycho,”  
“Brown curly hair?” His finger moved in a curling motion in the air,  
“Yes,”  
“Tattoos?”  
“Well yeah,”  
“Green eyes that could put the grass to shame?”  
She nodded. Her smile dropped when looking at Malik, his face growing serious,  
“Bea, I love you and this is why I want you to know... Finn, he,” He sighed, “Remember last year when a fight broke out between two guys in Bassjackers and one ended up in hospital?” A nod, “That was Finn,”  
“So what? He got into a fight, big deal,” Sarah shrugged, “Shit happens,”  
“But that’s not all, there’s been... Whispers, of drug dealings. Fighting, even Kendo’s scared of him and apparently he’s like... Obsessive,” He then continued, “Apparently he doesn’t date but when he does he gets all, possessive and shit,” “Sounds hot,” Joked Sarah.  
“Sa, I’m _serious_. Bea, he’s bad news, really bad news. Save yourself the drama and block him,”

_I’d ruin you, hurt you and I’d never forgive myself if I did._

She knew Malik was just trying to be a good friend, and his gossip did come in handy when needed but sometimes she wished he would shut up. Her eyes cast downwards on to her phone, her thumbs now dancing over the screen; unsure of whether to reply. Although what Malik was talking probably was bullshit, she found herself placing her phone back down. The text hung in the air like a dirty word.

****  
“ _Honey, I'd walk through fire for you. Just let me adore you_ ,”  
Finn hummed, bopping his head and sung along with the added vocals. He rolled up the sleeves of his baggy shirt, revealing his strong forearms. The ink splashed and stretched as he pottered about the place, trying to distract himself from his phone. He hadn’t heard off Bea for three days, and it was really starting to bug him.  
_Don’t stress. She’s probably just really busy with work._  
He almost flew himself across the room hearing the ping, stumbling as he narrowly missed the couch. His shoulders drooped upon seeing it was just Jane. He felt a little guilty that disappointment pooled across his chest and travelled into his stomach. He hadn’t meant to have neglected Jane so suddenly, but she wasn’t his girlfriend and he felt no obligation to keep tabs on her. He gave a half-hearted reply before then placing the phone back on the table, he lifted his baker boy hat from his head. A firm hand tucked the curls away before he placed it back down, hands on hips.   
He was bored.  
Saved by the knock. He frowned and headed towards his front door, wondering who knew the building code. His face transitioned into a smile upon seeing who it was,  
“James, my man how you doin’”  
The two gripped arms and pulled into each others chest, separating as they made their way inside,  
“Look very 70’s today, Thomas,”  
“You know me, keepin’ it fresh. What do I owe the pleasure?”  
Finn headed for the fridge, pulling out two beers whilst James threw himself on the couch. Neither finding the comfortability unfamiliar. 

The two were now joined on the sofa, drinks in hand,  
“T needs a favour,”  
“Oh yeah? Why couldn’t T ask me himself?”  
“You know, T, never the middle man,”  
Finn huffed before pressing, what was the favour?  
“Just a few things need running down Scotland,”  
“How long for? I have a fight on the twelfth,”  
“You’ll be back for the tenth,”  
It was now the fifth of the month. Tomorrow would be when he would leave, a few days away didn’t sound all that bad, and coming home to an extra bit of cash was always a bonus. Out of the way with no worries... No Bea,  
“Alright but as long as I’m back for the twelfth,”  
James accepted this, which led him to asking,  
“So, where is it this time?”  
“Only The Olympia, down by Bold. A scrawny little thing apparently, easy pickings,”  
Finn shrugged at this, confident with himself. His phone burning a hole in his face,   
“You heard from Bea?”  
He didn’t look up from his bottle, now picking at the covering,  
“No, why would I?”  
“Just askin’,”  
“Why?” He pressed, now looking up, “She asked about me?”  
His eyes glimmered with hope,   
“Well not me, but Tim. She’s been _asking_ , Finn,”  
“Asking?”  
“Yes, asking,”  
He frowned, nostrils flared. Who’d have told her what for her to be “asking asking” His thoughts were answered as James mentioned,  
“Malik’s been shooting his mouth off about you,”  
“Malik?” He sat forward, “Jamal’s little brother Malik? _What does he know about me_ ,”  
“Exactly, that’s what I said. Apparently enough though, Finn, as Bea’s been asking all kinds that are close to home,”

_So that’s why she’s been quiet._

Bea was the last person he wanted to know. Sure, eventually she would know. But he had hoped it wouldn’t happen so soon, or at least when he had her wrapped around his finger a little tighter, her slipping through his fingertips quicker than he had time to grip. He sat back, tongue against his cheek as he shook his head in fury, looking up as he was warned,   
“Don’t,”  
“What?”  
“Don’t, Finn, I know exactly what you’re thinking and it isn’t worth it. He’s just a kid,”  
James tried to reassure. But once Finn was set on something, set on something Finn would be,  
“I just simply wanna know why Malik think it’s ok,” He tried to remain calm, but his voice squealed slightly, his knee bounced and his eyes blazed, “To open his gossiping little mouth about me,”  
Shifting in his seat, James attempted to diffuse the tension as he reassured,   
“Look, I’ll speak to him. You just focus on Scotland and the twelfth,”  
Easier said than done, Finn’s thoughts now swallowing his brain. He could feel his temper rising the longer he sat, and once he barked a reply at James; did his friend see it was time to leave,  
  
“Look, mate, forget about him alright? Like I said, he’s a kid. Don’t worry about it,”  
And with that, he was gone. Finn tried his best to settle, he rose from his seat. Pottering about the place, attempting to distract himself. What did Malik know? What had he told Bea?   
He so desperately wanted to call her, explain. But what good would that do? He didn’t owe her anything. He didn’t owe her an explanation and with this, he settled; heading for his bedroom to pack.

****  
“Bea, hurry up we’re gonna be late!”  
Called out Malik from the living room. Bea said nothing as she was finishing up. She slipped on her heeled boots that were cut off at the ankle and shook out her hair from underneath her leather. A white shirt cuddled her shoulders, knotting at her midriff, and black tight jeans hugged her hips. Her contour was sharp and her lips were glossed; she was ready, which she called out,  
“I’m ready I’m ready!”  
She huffed as she jogged into the living room, swiping her bag from the couch. Turning to Malik and Sarah, who looked well and truly annoyed,  
“What? Come on then!”  
She took Malik by the wrist, dragging him behind her. Sarah on their heels.  
“You look nice,” James stated as Bea climbed into the car. The words struck something inside of her, the familiarity and flashes of green eyes popping into her mind.

As the car took motion did Bea ask where was Tim and Stacey,  
“Already there, said they wanted to get us a good seat as the guys like seeing the blood up close,” 

This unsettled Bea, the words now stirring up something she had tried to ignore since the invite had been given. Finn had gone AWOL, abandoning his post at the gym. Not a sound or soul had been heard, just twitters of rumours that had circulated he was off the grid down North somewhere. Doing what it was unknown, Bea’s prying had come up empty and so to see him partake in a possible blood bath wasn’t the ideal run in she had wanted. It appeared that the fight was to be taken place in a more rough part of town, a place where nightmares lived. The car was parked on a curb opposite the abandoned building - it once was a social club. Now, it was where they held the fights and it never got raided as the police would not dare step foot in this part of town. . It appeared that the fight was to be taken place in a more rough part of town, a place where nightmares lived. The car was parked on a curb opposite the abandoned building - it once was a social club. Now, it was where they held the fights and it never got raided as the police would not dare step foot in this part of town.   
And Bea could understand why, the little group all climbed out and she felt her knees wobble and her legs grow heavy as she followed James. Sarah snaked her arm through and locked them together securely; which Bea did with Malik and the three huddled together. Even over the loud beats, could the restless crowd be heard inside.

They made their way towards the entrance, James nodded at the two bouncers and explained the three behind were with him. Bea glanced upwards at a neon sign, half fizzled, which read:

“TH OL MP A”  
Once given a glance over and the all clear they then made their way inside. A huge ring which people surrounded in their seats. She could see the ropes were frail and the giant red ‘X’ looked smudged as dried blood was stained. The majority of the crowd was made up of business men in suits, men with barely any teeth and girls who wouldn’t say no to sucking somebody off for a bag of coke.

James scanned the crowd before finding Kendo, Tim and Stacey. Along with a few that looked rough and unrecognisable. He then turned to the three, he seemed unfazed by the scary scenes, "Right, Bea, grab my hand. Sarah you grab her’s and Malik you grab Sarah’s, keep tight hold and keep your head down,”   
They did as instructed, ignoring how painful their grips were on one another, and made their way through the bustling crowd and over to the table. They were welcomed with open arms, each handed a drink. Bea politely took her’s with a smile. She went to take a seat when a hand was placed on her arm,  
“He’s asked for you,”  
She frowned at James,  
“What? Why?”  
Her eyes darted around the table as she pleaded for an answer, everybody suddenly finding their drinks interesting. James shrugged, Bea knew it was no use saying no. She placed her drink down and followed James as he paved through the ever growing crowd. She felt betrayed by her own feet. She was led into the back, down a corridor and then outside the changing room, “He’s through there,” James told her,  
“Am I in trouble?”  
He laughed, “No, you idiot. He just wants to talk to you, don’t look so scared,”  
Easier said than done. Bea nodded, building up the courage before pushing the door open and walking on through. She jumped slightly upon hearing the thud behind her,  
“Hello?”  
“Through here,”  
The room was cold. A singular light above that gave you enough guidance to find your feet. She moved around the lockers and held her breath, Finn was sat on a bench that was placed in the middle of the room, his head was bowed and his back was to her. He was finishing knotting the last lace in his shoes, his back muscles flexing and stretching. A silk, royal blue pair of shorts with a white band wrapped around just beneath his belly button were his only clothing. He looked at her through the mirror before him and gazed impassively,  
“Alright?”  
He then rose to his feet and began pottering about, 

“James said you wanted to see me,”  
“Yeah, we need to talk.”  
“Do we?”  
He stood still and looked at her, his dimple now appearing as he smiled,  
“Don’t look so scared, Bea, it’s nothing bad,”  
He then turned his back to her once more. He began to check over himself in the mirror. The dark mark that once bruised his eye had now faded, making way for the new beatings that would be given if Finn were to find himself unlucky,  
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a drug dealer?”  
Her voice was small, her bag strap clutched tightly between her fingers. She didn’t sound accusing, but more genuine curiosity. He paused, tossing her glance before returning back to prepping in the mirror,  
“I’m not, I’m a smuggler,”  
“There’s a difference?”  
“Yeah, I don’t sell drugs. I move them,”

Speaking of moving, Bea found her feet glued to the floor. As where Finn couldn’t keep still, this apparent as he gave a little shadow box before heading towards his black robe that lay across the bench,

“Who told you anyway?” He shook the robe out, quite harshly too, which Bea flinched at,  
“Malik,”  
He scoffed, shrugging it on,  
“And you believed him?”  
His eyes burned into hers, full of dare,  
“Well, I didn’t,” A look, “At first, then there was word you had went up to Scotland and I may not be all clued up but hardly anybody round here visits Scotland for a holiday on their own.”  
“Well maybe I like Scotland,”  
Her eyebrows raised at him and he couldn’t say anything further to defend his case. The lack of her ability to believe him had him clamming up,  
“Anyway, I don’t get why you care, Bea. Like you said, we’re not friends,”  
He attempted to sound vague and simply stating a fact, but he couldn’t help the annoyance that seeped through; nipping at his words. She frowned, searching her brain for any memory where she indicated that they weren’t,  
“When did I-”  
 _“This doesn’t make us friends,”_  
His shrill tone and mocking finger point clicked in her mind. Her shoulders dropped before she got her back up,  
“Well last time I checked, friends look after one another and correct me if I’m wrong isn’t that exactly what you did the other night?”  
She challenged. But he wasn’t going to take it lying down, his hands found their way to his hips as he snapped back,   
“Well last time I checked, friends don’t kiss,”  
“You didn’t kiss me back,”  
“Doesn’t mean I didn’t want to,”  
“Then why didn’t you?”  
He now moved towards her, the heat in the room rising. Their chests puffed out like two animals awaiting for the signal to begin clawing one another,   
“Because you were drunk,”  
Her lips moved in a jitter as she stuttered,  
“Th-that’s not an excuse, especially by your reputation from what I’ve heard,”  
Her back hit the locker behind her, trapped between his chest and the metal. His eyes darkened as his forehead almost touched hers, his hand found it’s place at the side of her head. Trapping her, not giving her chance to opt out the conversation,  
“Oh yeah? And what exactly is it that you’ve heard. Go on, what’s that little prick been filling your head with? You’re a clever girl Bea, so bloody act it,”  
Her hands found their way to his chest and she forcefully pushed him away,  
“Don’t call Malik a little prick, if anything you’re the prick. What is it exactly you want Finn? To wind me up is that it?”  
“No, Bea I-”  
“To insult my friends? Hurt my feelings?”  
“No, I-”  
“Then what!”  
He said nothing, his shoes suddenly interesting. She waited, her eyes widening at him; egging him on. But once did she come up empty handed did she push him back, heading to leave.   
And there it was, the moment he had been waiting for. His eyes squeezed shut as he confessed,  
“I like you!”


	4. Sorry.

4.

He, had done it. He had ripped off the plaster from his scab, it hurt but it was over; relief following.   
The words held her back, preventing her from taking a step further. She wanted to jam a finger in her ear and pull out the wax that deafened her cause surely she hadn’t heard right? There was no way in hell had Finn Thomas just told her he liked her.   
“I... You, you what?”  
She now turned. His back was still hunched, his hand now by his side. He then turned and his entire posture softened, vulnerable,  
“I like you, Bea. I can’t get you out of my head, you’re everywhere. I don’t know why, or where you came from but now, you’re everywhere no matter how much I don’t want you to be. I go to the pub, you’re there. I see James and Tim, they speak of you. I didn’t want to catch feelings for you, but I did. I knew it. I knew it the moment I saw you, you were mine,"  
He had completely floored her. Her legs threatened to give way, the invisible rug being pulled right from under her. He waited for her to speak, but she couldn’t she physically couldn’t,  
“Please, say something,” He pleaded, she took him by surprise,  
“ No you don’t,”  
“What?”

His confession sparked something inside of her, something angry. For, she was sure this was some big joke. her being so used to being the brunt of it at school. She was always a primary target for some of the older kids,  
“ I said, no you don’t. I mean, how could you? You like tall, blonde girls with big lips and hips.”  
“Again with the stereotype,”  
“Well am I wrong?”  
The blonde? No. The lips and hips? Yes. He couldn’t deny he was a sucker for a nice body, not that Bea didn’t have a nice body. It was tight and well looked after, and her height softened his heart. With big blue eyes and soft skin, she was what he had been searching for in each body he had been looking through, but this; he refused to admit,  
“You’re such a know it all, here I am telling you I like you and yet you’re trying to tell me what I like,”  
“Well you didn’t deny it,”  
“Because, I don’t have to explain myself to you. Look, I like you, and I don’t care if you don’t like me but I had to tell you before I did something really stupid,”

This quietened her. The two stared one another down, awaiting for the other to speak. They could now notice the dull noise of the crowd as it thudded against the walls. They were growing restless, calling for the Lion to be released from the den.

“Bu-but I don’t understand, you’re always so sarcastic an-and mean. God, if this is you liking somebody I’d hate to find out what you do to somebody you hate,”  
“And you never will, not if I can help it,”  
“See! There you go again, being all _look at me I’m so fit and mysterious,”_  
This he smiled at, cheekily,  
“You think I’m fit?”  
Bea was flustered, heat rising in to her cheeks, “Well yes, anybody with a pair of eyes could see you were attractive,”  
The door behind Bea creaked open and they shared a look, as if somebody had opened a window did the heat around them disintegrate, ,

“Finn?”  
Their eyes moved around to behind Bea and towards where the entrance hid behind the locker. He suddenly snapped back to the Finn she knew, his stance tightening,  
“In here,”  
His voice was now noticeably strained. And Bea could now see why, a red head appeared. All legs and lips, exactly what Bea had described, the timing couldn’t have been any worse. The girl was timid as she walked through, glancing between the two before her,  
“Am I interrupting?”  
He shook his head, a smile suddenly appeared on his face as he outstretched a hand. Signalling her to walk over, which she obeyed. Bea’s heart sunk as she watched his arm slide around the stranger’s waist,  
“Jane, this is Bea. Bea, this is Jane,”  
So this was Jane,  
“Oh you’re Bea! Tim’s friend right?” From Bea’s nod did Jane extend her hand, Bea cast a glance before smiling and accepting the shake. Quickly pulling back, Jane then mentioned giddily, “Heard all about you,” A look, “Oh! Don’t worry, all good,”  
The three stood in a moment of silence, Jane and Finn practically wrap up in one another,  
“Well, I should get going. Good luck,” A smile was passed at Jane, “Nice to meet you,”  
“Likewise,”

And with that, she left.  
Both hands now linked at Jane’s lower back as the two looked at each other,  
“She was cute,”  
“Eh, she’s only a kid,”  
“I thought she was the same age as us,”  
“No, she’s twenty,”  
“That’s not exactly a kid, Finn. God, you’d think you were forty with the way you talk and not twenty-three,”  
He smiled at this before his eyes grew heavy, wanting to distract her from any more mentions of Bea,  
“How am I going to focus on the fight when all I can think is of how pretty that dress would look on my floor,“ His voice was now thick, her cheeks were tickled pink. He laughed, brushing her cheek lightly with his finger. He then moved from around her.

She made her way to stand behind him as he stood in front of the mirror.  
“You nervous?” Jane asked as she lightly brushed the tops of his shoulders, straightening out creases in his robe. He looked at her through the mirror, it reminding him of who once stood,  
“No. Why, are you nervous?”  
His prominent smirk crossed his face.  
He noted the serious look and turned around to face her,  
"Look at me, I’ll be fine, J. The kid’s nothing, don’t worry about me. I’ll make you a deal. If I win, I get to see what’s under that dress.”  
“And if you lose?”  
He gave her a once over and his voice became thick and heavy as he leaned in, pressing his lips against her ear, “I never lose.”

****  
Another knockout by Finn, and so it called for drinks in the local boozer that went by the name of The Pilgrim. It was by far one of the scruffier pubs but just like The Bassjackers, the booze was cheap and the music was sweet. Jane had told Finn his winnings would have to be collected another day, for she had work in the morning and a headache. Although blue balled, his adrenaline buzzed in his ears and his spirits were high,

“Yeah cheers, mate,”  
He slurred at a guy who had been a spectator at the fight and was giving his congratulations, turning back and inviting himself into one of the many conversations that were being passed around their table. Everybody was together, laughing and smiling. Cheeks warm from the drink, Finn stayed silent. His insides felt squishy with happiness as the beer lined his stomach, dazedly smiling to himself. Now noticing the empty seat did he frown, he glanced around before asking Stacey,  
“Where’s Bea?”  
“Toilet,”  
He craned his neck to see if he could spot her, his head moving in and out of the crowd, and passer bys. Coming up empty handed, he excused himself as dregs lingered around the bottom of his drink. He wanted to head for the bar but his feet had other plans. He clumsily leaned his side against the wall, his head moving forward as he peeked in. He shot back, whistling and looking around as an unfamiliar blonde left the toilets, shooting him a quizzical look. He nodded at her before she was out of sight, and it was then Bea came into view,  
“Finn?”  
He dozily smiled at her and his eyes were heavy, the green’s of his orbs were glossy,  
“Ah there she issss, Bea. Miss Bea, B B Beeee,”  
His finger bopped her nose, his other hand rested against the wall, her face somewhat mixed between a frown and a confused smile,  
“Yes, tis I. Everything ok?”  
“Yep,” His lips popped at the ‘P’, “Everything’s great,”  
He then nearly lost his footing before straightening himself upwards. “Yeah, it looks it,” She looked at him, “Why are you hanging around the girls toilets?”  
“Som’times I-I like to ‘ang round girls toilets, don’you?”  
“Not really no, come on I think you need to sit down,”  
She took him by the wrist and weaved in-n-out the crowd. His heels dug in, slowing by the bar,

“I need a drink,”  
“No, I think you’ve had enough,”  
“Shhh I’ll say when I’ve had enough,”

Bea had yet to see drunk Finn properly, he always being so alert and on his guard. It was nice to see him relax, although he was like an annoying toddler; it was nice to find herself also relaxed around him. She decided if she couldn’t steer him anyway from the bar, his drunken state keeping her as the sober one, she’d join him. The bar was crowded and upon seeing they were having no luck in getting a round in, did Finn turn to Bea. Yet again that drunken smile and hazy eyes on her,  
“What?”  
“Youlooknice,” He hiccuped,  
“Thanks,”  
“Have you thought about what I said?”  
She had hoped between his drunken state and the celebrations, he had forgotten. Just for the night, but even with three tequila slammers and four pints down him; she was still on his mind,  
“Can we not talk about something else?”  
She huffed, leaning over the bar to see any signs of a member of staff,  
“You can’t hide from me forever, Bea,”  
“I can try,”  
He watched as she avoided his gaze, a little snort coming from his lips. He glanced around, now also eager for the bar staff as his lips became parched,  
“I used to be like you you know, scared of feelings and bollocks. To be honest I still am, but at least I admit them,”  
She rolled her eyes before snapping,  
“Tell that to Jane. And anyway, you said it yourself, you’ll hurt me and I like my heart the way it is thanks,”  
“Pssh, Jane’s a fling. She knows this,”  
“Does she? Or, is it only a fling on your behalf? Cause last time I was told, you don’t take flings to your flat. Well, that’s what you said,”  
Before he could say anything further, Bea found herself being shoved into his chest harshly. Finn caught her and the two gazed at each other. Her cheeks burned and she collected herself. She straightened up with a frown, “Jesus Christ,”  
“Sorry, love,” She heard over her shoulder, “It’s alrigh-”  
Her voice faltered as she looked up at Finn, who’s face had contorted into something unpleasant, “Finn le-”  
She was threw sideways, stumbling. She watched as Finn’s fists bunched the perpetrator’s shirt upwards, slamming him backwards into the bar,  
“Like pushing girls do you?! Come on, big man, try pushing me,”  
“Mate I’m sorry I didn’t mean it,”  
The guy was middle aged, balding and twice the size of Finn in width. His face made Bea aware the shove was a complete accident, she warned,  
“Finn let go! He didn’t mean it!”

Finn lifted the man forward before slamming him back again, Bea winced as the man let out a pained groan,  
“Finn, please,” She choked out, her knees threatening to give way.

Finn’s nose was now pressed into the man’s cheek, who’s back was unnaturally bent over the bar. His friends sunk back into themselves, they knew who Finn was. They had been at the fight too. Finn’s breathing was heavy, he lifted his head and looked around. All eyes were on him, nobody spoke. Only the faint sound of the old slot machine and low music could be heard. He suddenly grew into himself. His eyes shone and he looked like a wild animal being thrown into a cage, scared. He let his grip go and the sea of people parted as he stormed out, Bea apologised profusely to the man before chasing out after Finn, grabbing her bag along the way and ignoring her friends,

“Finn please, slow down!”  
“Go back inside, Bea, leave me alone!”  
He was storming ahead, leaving no mercy for Bea’s little legs. He could hear her catching up, her boots clicking against the pavement,  
“Go inside!” He barked over his shoulder.  
“No, I’m not leaving you,”  
He stopped suddenly, turning to her. His eyes were dark and his fists were balled up by his sides, she panted as she caught up with him,  
“Christ you’re fast,”  
“I said go inside, Bea,”  
“And I said I’m not leaving you, Finn, not whilst you’re like this,”

All alcohol had been flushed out of his system by the anger, suddenly sober. He needed her to leave him alone, he needed anybody around him to leave him alone when he was like this. Her big eyes gazed into his, her hair was wild and her cheeks were flushed from the quick sprint,

“Why can’t you just do what you’re told for once?”  
“Because it wouldn’t be me if I did,”  
She attempted a smile but it soon dropped the moment his nostrils flared. He gave her a once over before he took off again, her hot on his heels,  
“Where are you going?” She said through short pants,  
“Home, where you should be too,”  
“I’ll come with you, just to make sure you’re ok,”

She really was annoying sometimes. To get her off his back, he said nothing. Quickening his pace slightly, in hopes she would give up and fall back. Returning to the pub. But, Bea was persistent and she now miraculously kept up with his strides. The usual ten minute walk was quickly over and they were outside his flat, down the little alley and outside the heavy door. He fished the key out of his pocket and in they went.

****  
She was back in his flat. The tension just as heavy as the last time, although she was now more familiar with her surroundings. Finn brushed past her and headed for his fridge, he disappeared behind the door before he popped back up. He twisted towards her slightly as he asked,  
“Want one?”  
Waving the beer at her. She nodded, fancying something a little more stronger than water or juice this time. He closed the fridge with his foot before he searched through a drawer, the contents rattling as it was pulled open. One hand occupied by the bottle necks, the other rummaged. He popped open the drinks with ease, tossing back the bottle opener and shutting the drawer with his hip. He approached Bea and passed over the beer, quickly moving over to the couch. His shoulders acting as a barrier between her and his chest, protecting himself. He threw his body downwards and took a huge gulp, he watched her as she hovered by the door,  
“Well sit down,” He snapped.  
Her shoulders jolted slightly, but she did what she was told. Her bag and coat still on, she sat perched on the edge of the seat. Her eyes wandered around the room, whilst his eyes were on her. He felt his jaw twitch and the alcohol wound up his string again,  
“Why are you here?”

She looked at him, taken aback by the sudden questioning,  
“Because I wanted to make sure you’re ok,”  
“Well I’m fine,” He outstretched his arms sharply as if to prove a point, “Look se-” His sentence was cut short as beer splashed over and on to the floor,  
“Yeah, looks it,”  
“Whatever,” He snarled, taking another huge gulp.

He was trying everything in his power to get her to leave, without actually telling her to. He wanted her to see exactly why he needed to be left alone. His knee moved side to side slightly, his head cocked as he looked at her, attempting to think of a plan. But he didn’t need to, for it fell naturally into his lap,  
“Jane’s nice,”  
“Yeah, sweet arse too. You should see it,”  
“I’d really rather not,”  
And it began, the words tumbling from his lips,  
“Oh you should, really. She’s got the softest legs, sometimes I like to just bury my face in them,”  
“ _Stop it_ ,” She warned through gritted teeth, but this only egged him on. He now scooted over to her, a wicked smile on his lips,  
“Oh yeah, and her lips are so juicy. They get really sloppy when wrapped aroun-”  
“Please,”  
“No wait you haven’t heard the best bit, sometimes when she gets on top I have to pull her off for she’s so tight that I almost cum straight away. Don’t you just wish you could do that to someone?”  
She looked at him, feeling his breath on her face as he was now dangerously close. His expression unrecognisable. Tears sprang to her eyes as she whimpered,  
“Why are you doing this?”  
“Because, my love,” He huffed with a smile, as though he were enjoying this all too much, “This, is who I am.”  
She shook her head, roughly wiping away a tear that had escaped, “No, no it isn’t I know you Finn and-”  
“No you don’t, I told you. I told you to go home, and you were the one who insisted on coming here, I told you to leave me alone but did you listen,”  
She pushed him back, slamming the beer bottle down on the table as she got to her feet,  
“If you wanted me to go so badly, you could’ve just said,”  
“I tried, but again you didn’t listen,”  
“Yeah, well you got your wish. I’m going. See you later, Finn,”

She stormed out. He snorted a laugh to himself, telling himself that she would be back. But once hearing the door slam and ten minutes had passed; did his stomach turn. He looked down at his beer bottle and his brows knitted together.  
What had he done? Maybe if he ran he could catch up to her, telling her he was sorry and to come back inside. The previous moments like a blur in his mind, it wasn’t him. It wasn’t. He didn’t want Bea’s impression of him to be tainted, he wanted her to keep him innocent in her mind. His words were like venom and now Bea was poisoned. That’s all he was to people; poison. He felt his breathing become heavy and his chest become tight. Suddenly he rose to his feet, launching the beer bottle at the wall. It exploded, glass shattering and beer spraying. He let out an almighty roar before he found himself hunched into his knees, his fingers gripping tightly at his hair.

He didn’t mean it. Any of it. It wasn’t him, it wasn’t, he told himself. The guy Bea had just seen was somebody Finn had said goodbye to a long time ago, when had he invited himself back to the party? This was scary, this feeling inside.  
Where did it come from? It was unraveling every bit of skin and vein away from Finn, pulling and pulling; nothing protecting his soul. He lowered himself on to his back and laid down, throwing an arm over as his face as he attempted to steady his breathing. The fizzing noise from the beer now had stopped, and he was left in silence. The first time in his life feeling completely alone.

****  
Bea wasn’t herself. Her eyes sagged from lack of sleep and her mouth remained shut. Tim watched from the air hockey table, frowning. What was bothering her? She kept her head down as she continued to mop, the sticky stain now completely gone,  
“You’ll put a hole through the floor if you carry on.”  
“Huh?”  
Tim was now in front of her, she glanced from the floor to him before realising,  
“Oh right, sorry I’m miles away,”  
She lifted up the mop into the bucket, squeezing out the excess water before taking the cleaning equipment in her arms; heading for the storage room. Tim on her tail,  
“Are you alright? You’re really quiet”  
“I’m fine,” She huffed, opening the door and switching the light on. The smell of Dettol and bleach hitting her in the face,  
“Come on, Bea, I can tell when something’s bothering you,”  
“Honestly,” She slotted in the bucket and mop before switching the light off as she collected the wet floor sign from behind the door, “I’m fine,”  
She set the sign up. Heading for the counter, did she then move into it and began to clean. Cleaning, a habit she always did when nervous or upset. Tim watched her before snatching the rag off her, leaving her mouth to hang open in protest,

“Alright, enough with the cleaning! Any more and I’ll be dreaming of bleach,” He softened as he told her,  
“Talk to me, please,”  
She sighed heavily, arms across her chest as she folded into herself, “I’m just tired, I haven’t been able to sleep,”  
“Yeah I know, Sarah told me. There’s now a dent in the floor from your feet,” He attempted a laugh, placing the rag on the side.

Her face twitched at the confession that they’d been talking behind her back, she knew they were concerned but she couldn’t help herself as she snapped,  
“Well you can tell Sarah I’m fine, and that I don’t need you two to look after me. Alright?”  
“Come on, Bea, we’re just worried,”  
“I know but I’m a big girl, so just leave it,”  
It was then she left him behind as she marched off into the staff room, her ponytail swinging across her shoulders. He watched her, letting out a defeated exhale. He had never known Bea to be so cold towards him, in fact towards anybody for that matter. He shook his head and it was then his eyes landed on a familiar curly head of hair,  
“Alright, Finn,”  
“Alright, mate?”  
“Yeah, let me just go get my stuff,”  
“Be quick, I’ve got somewhere to be,”  
This was apparent by his slightly dancing stance, impatient. What was with everybody’s attitude today? Tim wandered towards the staff room, passing Bea on his way,  
“Careful, Finn’s on one,”  
“Huh?” But before she could register what was said, he was out of her sight. Her eyes honed in on the familiar shoulders and back. She was tempted to twirl back around and hide in the staff room, but then again what did she have to hide? He was the one who was in the wrong. So, she huffed out her chest and with her head held high did she stroll towards the counter. But with the closer she got, the more she could feel her posture slacking, he turned to her. Frowning as he noticed her nose was upturned,  
“Bea?”  
“Finn,”  
Her tone was curt and once again the cleaning began,  
“You alright?”  
“I’m fine,”  
Her insides were crumbling, her body burning as she was so tempted to melt into a mess. But she didn’t and she was quite proud of herself,

“How you been?”  
“Fine,”  
Both her body language and tone was telling him to piss off. But he didn’t, he just wanted her to look at him. That’s all he wanted,  
“Bea, will you please look at me?”  
“What for?”  
“I dunno I just, just please stop being like this,”  
“Being like what?”  
“This!” He was frustrated. She brought her cleaning to a pause, looking at him. Face, displeased. She felt her shoulders soften as she took in the wayward mass of curls and the tired eyes, he looked how she felt,  
“You look like shit,”  
“Thanks?”  
“What is it you want? I’m busy,”  
She moved from behind the counter and down the steps, attempting to pass him but was pulled back by his hand. His eyes were eager, begging for that icy stare to melt,  
“I’m sorry, Bea, what happened the other night... That wasn’t me, I promise,”  
“Seems to me like you were pretty comfortable with what you were saying,”  
“I was drunk, it’s exactly why I don’t drink,”  
“That’s not an excuse,” She swiped up the cloth and bottle of spray before walking towards one of the machines. Two sprays and she began moving the rag in circles on the glass, Finn hovering beside her,  
“I know it’s not an excuse I know that, but please Bea, please believe I’m sorry. Those words I said? They’re not me alright,”  
“Could’ve fooled me,”  
“But I-”  
She held up a hand, stopping him in his ramblings,  
“Finn fingers,”  
He frowned at her, her eyes widened as she looked at the glass before back up at him. He too now glanced down at where his hand rested, he jumped back slightly and muttered a sorry. She then continued,  
“Look, you were right. We aren’t friends, and we aren’t meant to be. So, you keep it civil and so will I. It’s better this way, just because we don’t get on doesn’t mean we have to involve everybody else, it’s not fair,”  
His mouth moved in soundless motion, feeling his heart being stretched within his chest. He begged one more time, trying his hardest not to lose it,  
“But I-”  
“ _Fingers Finn!_ ”  
“God sorry,”  
She huffed at him before on to the next machine. His attempts to get her to forgive and forget were becoming more desperate,  
“Please, let me prove it to you. Let me take you out,”  
“What about Jane?”  
“Jane means nothing,”  
“Charming,”  
“You know what I mean,”  
“Do I?”  
She looked at him, hand on hip. Shaking of her head did she lay the final nail in the coffin,  
“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I get it. Ok? I get it. I’ll stay away, you got your wish. I’ll stay out of your way and you stay of mine. Goodbye, Finn,”  
He watched her leave, his fingers itched to pull her back. They now gripped his car keys tightly, his heart settled deep into his stomach. Whatever hold he had on her was now long gone, the finality taunted him. Dancing around him as he stood. He felt cornered, his body stuck to the pinball machine. He had to get out of here, Tim the saviour arrived and Finn couldn’t help but warn,  
“Tim, I told you I had somewhere to be,”  
“I know I’m sorry, it’s just Bea was really upset and I don’t know why. I think one of the customers said something to her,”  
“Yeah whatever let’s just go,”  
As they left Finn’s eyes cast a look towards the staff room and his heart rose with hope, maybe Bea wasn’t lost to him after all.

****  
“Sorry,”  
Bea was now back in The Pilgrim, after relentless badgering from Sarah did she give in. Although her Netflix show called her, along with her blanket fort she had found herself buried in recently. A passer-by had stumbled into her, drunkenly apologising. The smell of Summer and it’s promises lingered around the pub,  
“Are you going to crack a smile or am I going to have to force you?”  
The two girls were at the bar, the staff once deeming themselves useless as they were nowhere to be found,  
“What? I’m-”  
“Fine? Yes, I know you’ve told us like a million times,”  
“Then listen to me, honestly. I’m okay,”  
She was careful not to use the word ‘Fine’ For she was sick of saying it herself. It had been like this, the back and of forth of chasing away her pestering friends with the word for the past week,  
“And I’m the Pope, don’t think I haven’t noticed the cleaning and the no sleeping, Bea,”  
Finally did the barmaid appear and the girls placed their orders,  
“Look, I get that you don’t want to talk about it but can you just try to relax a little. It’s summer! Our last summer together, can you at least do me the solid of pretending to enjoy it?”  
Bea breathed a laugh at Sarah, who handed her money over to the barmaid, the use of the word ‘Solid’ Being Sarah’s way of clinging on to of what was left of her youth, as come October time they would be graduating and then adulthood would really begin,  
“Alright, but only if you stop using the word Solid please. It makes me cringe,”  
“What? I’m down with the kids!”  
The two shared a giggle before it softened into something sad,  
“I can’t believe you aren’t going to be here for your last birthday with us!” Sarah whined, “Can’t you tell your mum and dad that we’re throwing you a party or something?”  
The two collected their drinks and began to move to their table,  
“I can’t, its tradition. Mum will freak if I don’t go,”  
She could feel Sarah’s eye roll burn into the back of her head. Bea’s mum and dad were reluctant to let her go to university, and so as an agreement did Bea promise she would visit on term breaks and her birthday. Truth be told, Bea couldn’t wait to go home. She had missed her parents and little brother, she couldn’t wait to grip ice cream in one hand and a sand spade in the other,  
“Alright but we’re doing something when you’re back!”  
“Deal.”

Their table was crowded, portly men huddled around the fruit machine. Stragglers wandered around aimlessly and her friends were all cuddled together. Smiling, cheeks warm from the sun and the drink,

“Bea, you know your music!” Exclaimed Tim, “Helped me settle this debate, who’s better Blur or Oasis?”  
“Parklife vs What’s The Story? Anybody who’s says Parklife needs their ears testing,”  
Tim was happy with this as his fist slammed down on the table, earning a groan from one of his work mates who sat beside him,  
“See! I told you Parklife was bollocks,”  
“Hey! I only said What’s The Story was better, don’t diss Blur!”  
Laughter erupted the table, shaking it and for the first time Bea found herself smiling too, genuinely happy. But that faltered as another member of their party squash them self between Tim and his work friend,

“Who said Parklife was bad?”  
It was Finn, he tossed an interested look between the group. Who suddenly found themselves quieten, it had been like this all week. Whenever on an outing that Finn had invited himself too, the gang seemed to hold their breath - waiting for a kick off between himself and Bea. Although not sure of where their new found hostility had come from, it was hard to miss. The tension in the air wedging itself between them all, heavier than the warmth,  
“Oh, we were just talking about Oasis vs Blur,”  
“Oh,”  
Awkward. Everybody found their drinks suddenly the life of the table, interesting. Tim looked around before he took a sip of his drink and saying,  
“So, did anybody watch the game last night?”  
Bea had, had enough, she turned to Sarah. Their conversation getting lost between the talks of football boots and free kicks,  
“Look I’m gonna go, I’m tired and I need to pack,”  
“Oh come on, Bea, you’ve only just got here. Please stay for a little longer then I’ll come with you and help,” Her eyes were pleading, “Just ignore him,”  
“Yeah, don’t leave on my account,”  
Finn had been listening, the table grew silent. Holding their breath once more as they waited for Bea to snap back and snap back she did,  
“I’m not. I have packing to do, not everything’s about you,”  
“Unlike some,”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“It doesn’t matter,”  
“No go on share with the group,”  
“Alright. You, you’re always making it awkward. Can’t you just act like an adult for once and sit and enjoy your drink?”  
The groups eyes darted back and forward between the two, like a game of tennis. Bea up to serve,  
“Me act like the adult? You’ve got to be joking,”  
“Whatever,”  
The bicker began, their bats swinging harder with every word fired at each other. Everybody sinking into their seats. Tim had now also had enough,  
“Right! I can’t do this, you two this needs to stop. You need to sort whatever this little tiff is, it’s not fair on the rest of us,”  
“It’s him,”  
“It’s her,”  
“Look, I don’t care if it’s the mother Mary herself. Either sort it out or go home, I am not putting up with it for the rest of summer,”

“Well I’ll stop when she stops,”  
“And I’ll stop when he stops,”  
A frustrated groan was shared amongst the table. This was going to be one long summer.


	5. Happy Birthday Bea.

5.  
 _‘How’s it going? X’_

Bea looked down at her phone, smiling as she typed,  
 _‘If I have to make one more loom band I am going to scream x’_  
Bea was finally away at her parents beach house, her yearly trip. With third year being most unkind, it was the first time she had been home or even seen her parents in four months. With a week off of work and away from the flat, somebody other than her house mates to talk to, she was settled. With Bea off in uni an hour away, her parents had bought a house along the coast of Cornwall for the summer time. Sand dunes and endless waves surrounding them.  
She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear to prevent it from obstructing her view of the page, her book cradled on her knees. The sun gently kissed her skin and a light breeze cuddled her body. She inhaled the smell of salted sea that wafted through the air, smiling as she exhaled. She was home,  
 _‘ Finn’s been asking about you. When are you going to stop torturing him and talk to him? X_ ’  
This, she chose to ignore. She had already told Finn where she stood, his behaviour clearly displaying he wanted nothing to do with her,  
“Penny for your thoughts?”  
“Hmm?”  
She looked up to see her mother had now joined her side on the balcony, occupying the previously empty sun chair. Her mother was beautiful, aged like fine wine. Unlike Bea’s soft and dark waves, her mother’s hair was wild and blonde. Her brother took after her mother, whilst Bea took after her father,  
“You’ve been quiet, Bea, don’t think I haven’t noticed,”  
“I’m just relaxing, mum, is that such a crime?” She closed her book, folding her legs,  
“Anybody else? No, but you? You haven’t been this quiet since before you could speak and even then the baby talk was just as bad,”  
Bea breathed a laugh before her face stilled, “I’ve just got a lot on my mind I guess,”  
“A problem shared is a problem halved, sweetheart,”  
This, she knew. She had always been close with her mother, as although she inherited her dad’s freckles and hair; she had always been a mummy’s girl. Her eyes wandered out into the sea, drifting on to the beach below where her brother and father flew a kite. The picture of happiness,  
“They’ve been making that all week for when you came,” She snapped back to her mum, who now relaxed backwards; bathing in the sunshine, “The kite, Theo’s been so excited,”

In all honesty, Bea had too been excited to come. Something she never thought she would feel, for uni had always been an escape from home. Now home was an escape from the life back at uni. She wanted to tell her mum all about everything, from the club night to Finn. But her words failed her, something she found was a recent occurrence. She paused, looking at her dad and brother once more before asking,  
“Mum, can I ask you something?”  
“Mmhm,”  
“Did you and dad always like each other?”  
Karen let out a laugh as she looked at Bea before settling back into her seat, “God you’re joking aren’t you, we hated each other when we first met,”  
Bea was surprised at this, she now began fidgeting with her fingers,  
“Really? I didn’t know that,”  
“Well you never asked,”  
She was right. Bea had always presumed her parents were the fairy tale kind of love and to find out otherwise was a revaluation,  
“So how did you get past it?”  
Her mother sighed peacefully as she reminisced,  
“It just happened, there was just something that we couldn’t deny. It was magical, the chemistry I mean not the arguing. I just knew there was something about him, I just knew from a certain point he was mine,”

_I knew it. I knew it the moment I saw you, you were mine._

“Did Dad ever say anything, you know, hurtful?”  
“Oh darling, it was a long time ago. If he did, it’s long forgotten,”  
“Oh,”  
“Why do you ask?”  
“No reason, Malik’s just having a bit of boy trouble. That’s all,”  
Karen accepted this. Bea felt the familiar guilt knot her stomach, she hated lying to her mum. She normally told her everything. But having to explain who Finn was would take too long, Bea didn’t exactly know how she could describe him. The two grew lost in the silence, just the sounds of seagulls and her brother’s giggling. Karen was the first to break it,  
“So, what do you want to do for your birthday this year?”  
The dreaded big two-one. Something that had slipped Bea’s mind, not entirely as it was her biggest age milestone so far but with everything going on - she wasn’t all that fussed,  
“In all honesty, mum, I just want something small. Dinner on the terrace, maybe a drink with you and dad and that’s it,”  
“Oh come, darling, don’t be daft! It’s your 21st! We have to do something,”  
“Dinner and a drink is something,” She pointed out, rising as she went to slip on her flip flops,  
“Yes, but not enough for a 21st,”  
“Mum, please,”  
“Alright, alright but at least let your dad get fireworks,”  
Bea rolled her eyes with a smile, coming to an agreement with her mum. Fireworks it was.

****  
‘ _Are you going to talk to me? X_ ’  
Bea twisted her hair, wringing out the excess. It already knotting with the sea water, she frowned at her phone that lay on the towel. Her stomach twisting into itself as she sat down, bringing her knees to her chest. Closing herself off to her surroundings,  
‘ _What is there to talk about? X_ ’  
The kiss he had ended his message with had gave Bea a little hope, her attempts to push him away were failing. But, they were feeble attempts for she admittedly wanted the chase still. Her kiss at the end signified this,  
‘ _You can’t hide from me forever. James said it himself. Its not fair on everybody can we at least be civil? X_ ’  
This, she had tried. But failed, they couldn’t be friends. There was something, something that played the puppet master who prevented them from being friendly. She didn’t want to be civil and although she was currently angry with him, she wanted more. She needed more from him,  
_‘We tried that, Finn. Remember? X’_  
Bleep. Another text, quicker than the last,  
‘ _Yes and I want to try again. Please?_ X’  
He made her head spin. This constant up and down of mood swings was like a sickening fairground ride, and Bea wanted to get off. What exactly did he want from her? One minute he wanted something more and the next he wanted to be far away from her as possible, she was growing tired of trying to keep up. Her thumbs twiddled, looking out into the horizon before her as if it had an answer.  
Another text,  
“ _I can’t take you being mad at me Bea. I miss you x_ ”

Again with the mood swing. What could she reply to that? That she missed him too? Because she wasn’t sure she did, in all honesty. She dropped her phone to her lap as her dad jogged over, droplets bouncing off the tips of his hair and onto his shoulders,  
“Comin’ back in, kiddo?”  
“Nah, think I’m gonna sunbathe for a bit,”  
“Are you sure? It’s getting fresh,”  
She nodded, her eyes moving over to Theo who’s head kept disappearing under the waves. Enjoying himself,  
“Your mum’s worried, Bea,”  
“Everybody seems to be worried nowadays,”  
“Can you at least humour her?”  
She could tell her dad had been instructed to coax something out of her, he joined her side and the two sat looking out forth. She could tell he wanted to ask something, the twitching and awkward movement backed this,  
“Is it a boy?”  
“ _Ew_ dad, I’m not telling you,”  
Boys. Something Bea chose not to discuss with her dad, for as far as he was concerned she was a virgin and it was going to be kept that way until she was married with kids,  
“You know, you can talk to me. I may not be young but I’m not stupid and if it’s a boy that’s giving you trouble...” His voice faltered and the two looked at each other. Bea had only the most loveable affection for her old man. With grey slithers waving in and out, lightly contrasting against the dark roots and a few crows feet; her dad was just as handsome as he was young from the pictures Bea had seen. Her parents getting better with age, the Cornish air seemed to be some kind of youth elixir,  
“No! No boys, I’m just... Just thinking. That’s all,”  
“Anything in particular?”  
“Graduation mostly. That and what’s to come, I’m shitting myself,” She confessed. Graduation was in fact on her mind, it seemed so far away yet Bea knew she would blink and she would be on the stage; accepting her degree. That, and the thought of tumbling in front of hundreds made her feel a bit peaky. His shoulder nudged hers as he reassured her,  
“You’ll be fine, kiddo, you’ve got the rest of your life to worry about what you want to do,” Bea’s arm looped inside her dad’s, resting her head on his shoulder, “Just try to enjoy your summer yeah?” She nodded, smiling softly as his placed a gentle kiss on the top her head. The two took a moment, eyes not focusing on anything. The wetness of his skin cooled down her warm cheeks. She wished she didn’t have to go back, she wanted to stay here. Sat on this very towel, her arm wrapped around her dad’s. But she knew it couldn’t last forever. His voice hummed against her ear as he joked,  
“Come on, I think Theo’s drowning.”

****  
The cooling summer air made it’s way inside the house, the open windows inviting it in,  
“ _Dinner, Bea!_ ”  
Called her father, she told him she would be down in a minute as she glanced at her screen. Rereading over Finn’s text, choosing to ignore it once more. She headed for downstairs when a knock was to be heard on the front door, she shared a frown with her mother who was setting up the table across the room,  
“Mum, are you expecting anybody?”  
“Not that I know of,”  
Bea shrugged and headed for the door, her heart rattled as she opened it to be greeted by a bunch of flowers and a shy smile,  
“Finn?”  
“Bea? Who is it?”  
Her dad now appeared, wiping away cooking ingredients on a tea towel,  
“I... Erm... Dad this is-this is Finn, he’s from back at uni. Finn this is David my dad, and that’s Karen my mum,”  
Finn reached a hand forward, and her dad accepted it. Still frowning confusedly at the uninvited stranger. Finn played the part, polite smiles and handshakes,  
“You didn’t tell us you were expecting company,” His tone was full of scold, unprepared as a fifth plate would now have to be added to the table,  
“I wasn’t I-”  
“It’s my fault, Mr...” Finn’s voice faltered as he looked at Bea, realising he didn’t know her last name,  
“ _Flowers_ ,” She prompted,  
“Flowers,” He repeated, with a smile, “I heard it was Bea’s birthday tomorrow and thought I would surprise her, the others wanted to come but you know how work can get,”  
“Yeah, I do,”

The three hovered in the doorway, unsure of the next move. Her mother came to the rescue as she made her way over, “Sorry, how rude of us! Come in, Finn, come in. Let me take those off you, God Bea aren’t they beautiful,”  
“Yeah, gorgeous,” Her eyes were narrowed at Finn, her face unable to hide the anger. Her mother fussed to her father over the flowers, the two heading towards the kitchen. Bea now cornered Finn, hissing,  
“What are you doing here, Finn? Seriously this is beyond stalking,”  
“Well you weren’t answering my texts,” He looked put out, a light pout upon his lips,  
“So, you thought you’d turn up to my parents house? What is wrong with you?”  
Her voice heightened, still hushed but almost loud enough to alert her parents. His eyes darted to the kitchen doorway before back to Bea,  
“Look, I’m sorry ok? But I couldn’t stay away, I’ve been going out of my mind. I just can’t stop thinking about you,”

She wanted to melt, pool at the bottom of his feet. He looked devilishly handsome. A faded red shirt buttoned up to just below his chest, a white tee underneath that the neck swooped down slightly; revealing a little cross necklace in which the chain rested delicately upon his collarbones. Sleeves were rolled to elbow point. Jeans hugged his legs, and a slightly floppy baker boy hat concealed his hair - a few curls threatening to break free from underneath. Wild. Untamed, just like him,  
His attire was laid back but still put together, hints of vintage; bringing a touch of his home with him,  
“Well, that doesn’t give you a right to just turn up. How did you even know where this was?”  
He gave her a look which read:  
Tim.  
Bea pressed a hand to her forehead feeling a serious migraine coming on. She let out an exhale, then leaning over and grabbing a hooded sweatshirt off the coat rack beside him,  
“Mum, I’m just popping out. We’ll be back soon,”  
“But dinner-”  
Karen’s voice was cut short by the door shutting, passing David a look at the sudden departure.

****  
“You can’t just turn up here uninvited, Finn.”  
They were now walking along the sand dunes that were raised high up, the endless waves outstretched before them and down below. The material of Bea’s shorts rubbed against her thighs, grains of sand seeping in through her flip flops. Not exactly walking, or rather, stomping attire,  
“I’m sorry, Bea, but you would’ve told me no if I had asked to come see you,”  
“Of course I would’ve,” Her foot slipped, she caught herself before continuing to march,  
“What made you think otherwise? You think you can just turn up here with flowers and expect me to just-to just forgive you?”  
“Well no but I-”  
She now stopped, turning to him,  
“Then what?”

Now his words failed him. He hadn’t expected to make it this far, he was expecting for her to throw the flowers in his face and the door to slam shut. He prepared his speech on the drive up, but it now seemed to be nowhere; no matter how much he racked his brain,  
“Finn, you can’t do this ok?” The wind had now picked up slightly, as the two stood on high ground. Wisps of stray hair that escaped her updo tickled her cheeks, she attempted to move them behind her ear. Getting a better look at him,  
“You can’t. Not here, the flat maybe but not here. This is where my parents are, my little brother. I...” A sigh, “I don’t want have to explain who you are to them,”  
“Well why not?”  
“Because I...”  
Her voice now faltered. His stupidly handsome face prevented her from speaking anything further, she took him in. So desperate to bury her face into his chest, cuddle him so he would stop with the puppy eyes,  
“Because what?”  
She now began walking again, her pace less quick, “Because how can I? How can I explain who you are if even I don’t know who you are!”  
“You don’t know me?” He seemed a little hurt at her words.  
She threw her hands up in exasperation, “You said it yourself I don’t! And from what I do know... I don’t want to know anything else and I don’t want my parents knowing either,” Her shoulders found themselves dropping downwards, her body aching from the tight posture. She stopped again, he made sure to keep a distance between them. Scared in case she lashed out. He looked at her, he could see she was softening, “Would that be such a bad thing? Your mum seemed to like me,”  
“My mum would like anybody who bought me flowers,”  
She took off again, only this time towards the house,  
“Look, just go home Finn, leave me alone,”  
Her legs were no match for his, he came around her; stopping her in her tracks,  
“Move, Finn,”  
He mimicked her steps, blocking her path,  
“No,”  
“You’re being ridiculous!”  
“I’ll stop being ridiculous when you listen to me,”  
“I’ve listened to you enough,” She poked him in the chest, “You’re the one who said stay away and that’s what I’m trying to do! Just move!”  
His hands gripped her arms as he told her,  
“Look, if I could take back every argument, every word. I would, but I can’t. I can’t, Bea, I’m not a magician, I can’t wave a wand! What do I have to do in order for you to see that I like you? What, what you want me to shout it from the cliff? Let the whole neighbourhood know? Alright,”

He strode past her, heading towards a rusted bench that overlooked a majority of Cornwall’s coast. She watched, wondering what he was doing. He took a big step up, hoisting himself on to the metal. Colour draining from her face as he turned towards the sea and screamed,

“ **LISTEN UP CORNWALL! I LIKE BEA FLOWERS! THAT’S RIGHT I FINN THOMAS LIKES HER MISS BEA FLOWERS!** ”  
She sprinted over, as he continued to shout. She gripped his shirt, desperate to pull him down,  
“Finn! Shut up,” She passed a weak smile at an old couple who were on a dog walk, eyeing Bea and the strange, shouting boy, before turning back to Finn and begging through gritted teeth “Finn please, people are staring,”  
“I don’t care! If this is the only way you’ll listen then I’ll cONTINUE SHOUTIN-”  
She finally got a good enough hold of him and yanked him downwards, her eyes wild as she looked around,  
“Alright! Alright, I get it ok?! I get it, just please be quiet. I have to stay here you know,”  
“Are you going to listen?”  
“I suppose I’ll have to,”  
“Nope, not good enough,” The devilish smile appeared, his foot popping back up on the bench. Bea’s mouth dropped downwards and she pulled him back,  
“Alright alright! Just please no more shouting,”  
“Well are you going to listen? And properly?”  
“Yes! Now please, just sit down and shut up,”

He was happy with this, he took a seat on the bench and looked at her. His movements and smiles were childish. She looked down at him before huffing and joining him, making sure to keep the distance. A particularly loud seagull above drew Finn’s attention upwards, he exhaled as he relaxed,  
“This is nice,”  
“I know, it’s one of my favourite places. I come here,” He now looked at her as she continued, “To the bench. It helps me think,”  
He nodded at this and felt his eyes soften as he looked at her. He noticed the sunburn on her cheeks changing colour, encouraging faint freckles to dust across the bridge of her nose,  
“Have you been coming here long?”  
“Only the past few years really, we used to visit every now and again to my aunt’s house just up the village but mum and dad fell in love with the place. I went off to uni and the house came up cheap, and so here we are. I think they spend more time here than they do at home.”

He said nothing, scared in case he did and she closed herself off. He wouldn’t have minded a little place of his own round here, right along the coast. Finn had always liked the sea, the smell of the water and the sound of the birds. Utter peace. It reminded him of the little cottage his own aunt lived in, down by another seaside town not too far from where they were. He would’ve hoped to take Bea one day,  
“So, what is it you wanted to say? Mum will be having kittens if we don’t go back soon,”  
“Kittens?” He asked, a puzzled smile but it dropped upon seeing she was completely serious.

He lay one arm across the metal, shifting himself to face her. He didn’t want to have this conversation with her now he had the chance. He would rather her go off in a huff and chase her back, the game distracting him from what he was feeling. But after making such a fuss, he knew he couldn’t put it off,

“Bare with me, I’m shite at this,” He then sat facing outwards, elbows on knees. The cool and collected Finn she knew was suddenly gone, he becoming awkward in himself,  
“I’m sorry I’ve been so awful to you, Bea, I didn’t mean it. Well, I did. It’s what I thought I wanted, I thought you’d be happier without me. But then I thought, I thought of you with somebody else. Finding somebody else, and I knew if I had missed my chance it’d eat me up inside. If it meant arguing with you every second of every day, keeping you with me then I’d do it. I’d do the fights and everything in between, I thought if I could keep you away with me, protecting you then you’d be better off. But every time I saw you, it didn’t feel right. I wanted to change my mind but then I saw how angry you were with me and I just knew, there was no going back. But seeing you cry, that night and Tim telling me you cried that day in the bowling alley I knew it. I knew it wasn’t too late, I knew behind the anger there was something there, and don’t lie to me Bea. Don’t make me feel like I’m going mad,”

She froze, if it weren’t for her breathing Finn could’ve sworn she had turned to stone. Not exactly the reaction he had hoped for but then again, what had he expected? He turned away from her, not wanting to be under her scrutiny any longer,  
“But why, Finn? I don’t understand,”  
“Come on, Bea, you’re a smart girl. Haven’t you figured it out yet? I’m scared, I’m scared that you’ll see me. The proper me and you’ll hurt me. You’ll take advantage,”  
“I wouldn’t,”  
“How do you know? You can’t predict the future,”  
“Because I just know,”  
“No you don’t, neither do I but what I do know is... You’re gonna break my heart, Bea, I just know you are.”  
“How do you know you won’t break mine?”  
He then looked at her, snorting a laugh,  
“Because the minute you walked in to my life, the minute I saw you at James’s barbecue... I just knew it, I looked at you and I thought ‘This girl is going to absolutely ruin me.”  
“You remember me?”  
“Of course I do, I’m surprised you don’t remember me. I was the one who helped clean you up and put you in Tim’s bed after you knocked back too many Sambuca shots,” A pause, “When you told somebody off for almost swatting a bee, that’s when I knew you were something. Seeing you get so worked up over it, it was like...” His voice faltered before picking up volume once again, “You were mine. Ever since that day, I’ve tried to look after you without getting in your way. Like that time that guy at Bassjackers wouldn’t keep his hands off you, not the one the night I took you to mine but another time. Do you remember the fight Malik told you about? A while ago? That was me, I did that, I just saw the way he kept pulling you in. His dirty hands all over you and I... I just couldn’t stop myself,”  
“What? Like my guardian angel or something?”  
“Angel? Ha, maybe more secret bodyguard,”  
All of this new information tumbled itself into Bea’s ear, nesting in her growing brain. What exactly could she say to that? He had been watching her all this time. She felt guilty that she couldn’t remember him or had spotted him before, all this time he had been looking after her; getting into trouble for her and she hadn’t paid him a blind bit of notice,  
“Why didn’t you just talk to me, Finn?”  
“Because you were seeing that guy, whatever his name is,”  
“But I weren’t his girlfriend, I was only sleeping with him,”  
“Exactly, if I was going to actually work up the courage to talk to you then I wanted you. Just you, I didn’t wanna share you. And then I saw you properly again, at Stacey’s and I just couldn’t get you out of my head. James told me you were single like fully and I just knew if I didn’t take a chance and somebody else came along... It’d kill me,”  
Every word he spoke surprised her more and more. Word after word danced along her skin, leaving little goosebumps for footprints. Anybody else, it would’ve set the alarm off in their mind but Bea? She could see he wasn’t some psychopath who hunted her down, just somebody who was afraid. A guy with a crush she supposed. Everybody had a past, even Bea, and for as long as she could remember she had a nursing instinct to her; from mending broken wings of baby birds to now nursing the seemingly damaged boy before her.

What surprised him next was,  
“I’d like to,” He turned to her as she explained, “Try, again. I don’t care who you are, Finn, I just want you to be yourself. No more games,”  
Being himself was easier said than done, for he wasn’t sure who exactly he was. He hadn’t known for a long time, but maybe Bea could help him. Find himself again, but he didn’t want to fuck up what could be a good thing by digging up and unloading too much on her. Finn believed if you wanted somebody, you work on their future. Don’t look back, the end.

“Alright, no more games,”  
He felt like somebody had finally lifted their foot off of his chest. He could breathe again,  
“So, was the drive up here ok?”  
He couldn’t help but laugh at her, “I’ve just poured my heart out to you and you ask me how the drive was,”  
Her shrug was innocent, what else was there to say?  
“It was good, thanks,”  
“You’re welcome,” A pause, “Nice hat, by the way,”  
He then turned to her. There was something that glimmered on the brim of her eyes that he had yet to see, she was being flirty,  
“Hey, I can take all the insults but don’t dare diss the hat,”  
He pointed a finger, trying to warn,  
“No! Honestly, it’s cool... For a granddad,”  
A grin spilled out on his lips, almost shattering his cheeks upon seeing she was now allowing him in,  
“Who even are you, Finn? It’s like you’re from a different time.”  
The sudden cloudy tension drifted away, it being replaced by something that could only be described as electric. It traveled up through their legs and settled on their chest the longer their eyes locked. He so badly wanted to kiss her, leaving delicate pecks along the faint freckles on her cheeks. Never mind who was Finn, who was Bea? For out of nowhere had she appeared. There wasn’t anything particularly special about her, she being someone he wouldn’t glance at if he were to pass her in the street. But now, she was all he could think about.

“Bea? Mum said your foods getting cold!”  
A little voice called out from behind. It was Theo, nervously eyeing Finn. Bea sent Finn a smile before turning to Theo,  
“Alright, tell her we’ll be there now!”  
As he ran off, did they look at each other,  
“You hungry?”  
“Starving,” Finn shyly admitted, unable to cover the sound of his stomach eating away at it’s self any longer,  
“Come on then, but leave the hat at the door.”

****  
“Come on, mum please don’t!”  
Bea groaned. A laughter rippled throughout the table, infecting them one by one. With Theo in bed and dinner plates in the sink, the four adults sat around; red wine staining their lips. Finn was a hit with her parents, all smiles and full of please and thank yous. Karen was in full ‘Embarrassing Mum’ Mode, mentioning they had baby pictures somewhere. This Finn was dying to see,  
“Mum come on, Finn doesn’t wanna see the- Oh for God’s sake,”  
Before Bea could take control of the situation, a photo album landed into Finn’s hands. His nose now deep in the pictures. His palms cradling the book, flicking through the pages,  
“And that one was taken around here actually! It was before Theo was born,”  
“Cute,” Finn giggled, his eyes scanning the print. His finger delicately curled underneath the page as he flicked it over. Bea’s head was in her hands, she wished the ground could just swallow her whole,  
“And where’s that one?”  
“Ah! That’s at Blackpool, Bea was too scared to go on the donkeys,”  
The tears were visible, along with the stressed and red cheeks. Finn felt his heart melt upon seeing Bea as a crying toddler, but what caught his eye was the white, blonde hair. He looked up at her and mentioned softly,  
“I didn’t know you were blonde,”  
Her mum intervened, diverting the attention back onto her; the wine sloshing around her glass,  
“Oh God, yeah! Bright blonde, round till she was about three? Was it three or two, David?”  
“Well that was ‘98 and that was just before she went dark, so she had not long turned two,”  
Finn nodded at this. Fully fascinated, her mum and dad began to reminisce; finding themselves more comfortable around Finn. Upon hearing her mum was about to let slip, telling Finn about the time Bea wet herself on Brighton beach did she interrupt,  
“Right ok! No more, it’s getting late and Finn’s got to get back,”  
This was met with protests from both her mum and surprisingly her dad,  
“Sweetheart, don’t be daft! He’s come down for your birthday and plus, he’s had a drink. I wouldn’t forgive myself if something were to happen,”  
“Mr. Flowers it’s fine honestly, I’ve only had the one,”  
“Nonsense, take the couch and Finn I’ve told you, it’s David,”

Finn then put his hands to his chest, “I wouldn’t wanna put you out, you’ve done enough with the dinner and everything,”  
“Don’t be silly, Bea go set him a bed up on the couch,”  
****

And Bea did what she was told, with the help of Finn. Whilst Bea fluffed out pillows, and Finn flicked out the blanket; they moved in silence. Time had passed and now only her mum and dad occupied the kitchen, the sound of plates and glasses clinking together as they placed them away. With even the windows wide open, the room was stiflingly warm. Finn felt shy that he was shirtless, just a pair of sweatpants occupied his lower half, but he had no other option as being in just his boxers was definitely out of the question with David and Karen next door. Thinking ahead and hopeful did he pack an overnight bag, for it was better to have it and not need it; than to need it and not have it - something his mother burned into his brain as kid.  
A warm glow from the table lamp illuminated the room around them, coddling them both and lulling them to a sleepy daze. They turned to each other,  
“So.... Is this ok?”  
“Mmhm, thank you.”  
“It’s fine, the bathroom is just on the left if you need to brush your teeth or anything and well, help yourself in the kitchen,”

Karen popped her head through, David’s footsteps moved down the hall and up the stairs; signalling he was heading to bed,  
“Bea, me and your dad are going to bed. Don’t stay up too late alright? Nice to meet you, Finn,”  
“You too and thanks again for dinner,”  
And with that she was gone. Bea took this as an excuse to leave, for she knew Finn needed his sleep and her head was still spinning. She needed time alone to process the day,  
“And that’s my mum’s polite way of saying go to sleep, so... I’m just upstairs ok? Second on the right. If you need anything just text me,”  
He took the hint and nodded, scratching the back of his neck before saying,  
“Well goodnight,”  
“Goodnight, Finn,”  
As she went to leave, he called her back; eager,  
“Bea,”  
“Hmm?” She hovered between him and the doorway, her legs growing heavy,  
“Happy birthday.”


	6. The Bumble Bee.

6.  
“Incoming!”  
Bea felt something small, but heavy hit her body. It jolting her awake. She was met with a toothy grin and the eyes of her brother. Before she could get to grips with her surroundings, a crumpled and glitter covered present was shoved in her face. Bits of cello tape and odd pieces of wrapping paper poking out, Theo’s handiwork,  
“I’ve spent all morning wrapping it for you but I gotta say CDs aren’t the easiest to wrap,”  
A small gasp came from his mouth, his hand slapping over as if he had just said a really naughty word. His eyes full of apology, his little shoulders drooping,  
“Oh, I’ve ruined it haven’t I,”  
She gave him a soft smile with a ruffle of the hair. Her fingers skimmed over the paper, either she was really ignorant because of technology or this was a record; not a CD. She hoped the first for she didn’t have a record player and she didn’t have the heart to tell Theo his gift was useless. His eager eyes darted from Bea to the present as the paper was torn away, her heart dropping upon seeing,

‘ **AWAKEN MY LOVE!** ’

A record. Although by one of her favourite artists, completely useless,  
“Theo, I love it but I don’t have a record player,”  
“I know, that’s why mum and dad have got you one. I spent alllll of June saving for tha-”  
Bea and Theo’s eyes locked,  
“Oh no, I’ve done it again haven’t I? Please don’t tell mum and dad,”  
“Oh Theo, don’t be silly,” She pulled him into her, his back into her chest “I won’t, thank you, Thee. I love it,” The two sat cuddled into one another, staring down at the loud colours of electric blue that shone brightly against the black. Her hand found itself combing through Theo’s head of white, it had become shockingly bright since being in the sun. Bea wished he could stay this small forever, for she knew it wouldn’t be long before the acne came and the attitude of teenage mood swings,  
“Come on, dad says breakfasts ready and plus I want to show you this really cool swan thing Finn showed me how to make!”  
His body now slipped from her hold and headed out,  
“I’ll be down in a minute,”

Bea took a breather, turning the record over. Her heart smiling, she had been after it for a while. Although quite an old album, and stored away in her iTunes library, there was something about having it in physical form that Bea always had a soft spot for. She placed it to one side before climbing out of bed. She wandered over to the window, her body loosening as she stretched.  
Another bright morning. The waves and sun’s reflection teasing one another in the light. Gently twirling together,

“ _Happy birthday, Bea_ ,” She muttered to herself before heading on out.

She was met to an empty dinner table, and it was then she noticed the breeze from outside wrap around her legs. Her ears tuning in as she could hear the radio and laughter, she now noticed the patio doors open and the curtains dancing lightly in the breeze. She followed the smell of bacon, as it beckoned her to the front deck. The warm air hitting her almost instantly. The table was lively, her mother was the first with the kisses,  
“Happy birthday, Darling!”  
She could only be polite for her eyes couldn’t move from the figure in white. His curls were coiffed back slightly, flopping over sideways. A white t-shirt covered his torso, bright against the tan. Matching the smile he adorned on his face, looking up from placing down the last knife; noticing the birthday girl had now appeared,  
“Look, Dad’s made your favourite,”

  
Her mother’s fingers were placed lightly on each shoulder, as Bea took in the buffet. From stacks of toast, to freshly squeezed orange. The table was vibrant with different foods and fruits, wrapped around the wooden fencing was little fairylights. Small paper balls hanging from the roof, gently swaying in the breeze. They really hadn’t held back this year,  
“Dad, thank you I....”  
“Don’t thank just me, Finn was up with me at five this morning helping out. Wait till you try his scrambled egg,”  
Her attention was now on Finn, free from her mother’s hold as she approached him. Noticing the slight reddening of his cheeks,  
“ You did this?”  
“Not all of it, just the eggs and stuff,” It was now he planted one soft kiss on her cheek, his voice thick as he said,  
“Happy birthday, Bea,”

The little moment didn’t go amiss between her parents, who shared a look. Her mother, happy. Her father, not so much. He let out an abrupt cough, causing the two to look away,  
“Right food! Sit down sit down,” Her mother waved her hand, as the two took their seats did she dish the food out; joining them. Theo at the head of the table. Her dad wasn’t kidding when he spoke about the eggs, an explosion of taste erupted in Bea’s mouth. The mixture of eggs and butter, light and creamy on her taste buds,  
“God, Finn, they’re amazing,”  
“Eh it’s nothing,”  
“Don’t be so modest, mate, they’re really well done,”  
Her dad was full of compliments this morning, Finn bashfully smiled,  
“Really it’s nothing, the trick is instead of water use milk,”

David nodded, munching away happily. Taking note. The table all picked at the different food, passing conversation in between bites,  
“So, Finn, did you sleep alright?”  
Finn nodded, swallowing as he didn’t want to be deemed rude speaking through a mouth full of food,  
“Yes, thank you. It was really comfy,”  
If Bea didn't know any better, she would have genuinely thought Finn was nothing but a well-mannered, young man. Her parents loved him, him winning them over with pleasant talks and charming grins. He was playing the role of the perfect boyfriend and guest. Bea wasn't sure where she could draw the line between false and true, for even she was captivated by him. This front being a thunderous change compared to back in his flat that night,  
"You know, you don't have to pretend," She spoke lowly, keeping it secret between her and Finn,  
"Hmm?"  
"This, all this, Finn. I know this isn't you,"  
She couldn't help it. She hadn't meant it to come off the way it did but if it ticked off Finn, he didn't show it. He just simply smiled at her and asked,  
"I thought you didn't know me?"  
"I mustn't do,"

Next came the present giving, something Bea hated most for she would rather haul them upstairs and open them later, but Karen wouldn’t hear of it,  
“Bea close your eyes, David come on,”  
With her sight no longer in use, her ears twitched upon hearing shuffling and shifting.

Through closed lids could she see a large shadow be placed in front of her on the table. Knowing instantly what it was,

“Ok... Open them!”  
And her guess had been right, a brand new record player in the colour of pale blue topped with a little silver, sticky bow. A smile spilled out onto her mouth, “Oh mum, dad, thank you! It’s amazing!” They were happy with this. She eagerly opened it up, the needle that lined with gold shining up at her. Her fingers gently brushed the deck, it waiting for the first record to be played. Her mind envisioning her room back in the flat on where it would be stored. She couldn’t help herself as she jumped up. Thanking her mother over and over, engulfing her in a hug,  
“Do you like it?”  
“Mum, like it? It’s,” Another hug, “Amazing, thank you,”  
It was now her dad raised a glass of juice, announcing,  
“To Bea,”  
In which the table followed. Her eyes drifting among the group. Nothing but happiness looking back up at her. Finn’s smile was oh so soft. His eyes on her and her only, he gave a little wink before taking a sip of his drink. If she were to die right there and then, there wouldn’t be any complaints.

****  
“Come on, Darling, dad’s setting up the fireworks!”  
The air now cooled and the sun had long set. Karen had agreed Theo could stay up, for the fireworks and the fireworks only. Bea made her way downstairs, throwing on her hoody just as she reached the bottom step; shaking her hair out from the material as she smiled at her mother,  
“Ready,”  
Her mother had a cardigan wrapped around her body, a bottle of white wine in her hands,  
“Right, come on. Let’s go before your dad lands himself in a&e,”

As the four headed for the beach, where they could see David whacking firework poles into the ground with a mallet, Theo raced ahead; sand flicking under his feet. Karen wandered behind him, whilst Bea and Finn trailed at the back; arms brushing one another’s,  
“You had a nice day?”  
Finn broke the silence,  
“Mmhm, it’s been wonderful. Thank you, for being here. I’ve never had anyone from back home here on my birthday before, it’s been a nice change,”  
He glanced downwards, his feet kicking slightly on the sand. Flexing his toes, the feeling strangely pleasant,  
“Everybody deserves a friend to be with them on their birthday,” His hand in his pocket, eyes finding his feet interesting.  
The word ‘Friend’ Twitched something unpleasant in Bea’s chest.

They’d found a little spot along the front line but not too close where they could get their eyebrows singed off, Finn draped the throw he had nicked from the back of the couch over his shoulder before laying out a woollen blanket below he had used for warmth when sleeping last night. A barrier between the two and the ground. He sat down, the throw now wrapped around his shoulders. He lifted it slightly, opening up a spot for Bea. She joined him, the two huddling into another underneath the material. The pair let out a laugh upon seeing David trip over something hidden. Her mother poked the beach fire clumsily with a stick, provoking the blaze. Drunk off of Chardonnay, sun and happiness.

Finn raised his hips; fishing in his back pocket for something. Bea frowned at this, a black box coming into view,  
“I thought I’d give you this, you know whilst we were alone. Well sort’ve alone,”  
“Finn? What’s this?  
“Do you really think I’d turn up without a present,” He wiggled it at her slightly, she took it and looked down, confused,  
“But I thought the flowers were my present,”  
“No, they were an apology. This is your present, open it.”  
She didn’t want to, unsure of what it could be. Knowing Finn something would pop out and scare her, which she stressed,  
“Oh just open it will you,” He tried to laugh, but it was feeble. Nervousness apparent.  
She tossed him a look that read ‘This better not be a joke.’ Her fingers curled around it’s opening and her eyes were greeted by a little gold plated, honey bee necklace; it’s reflection bouncing off of the fire light. The chain was delicate, rich in taste,  
“Finn? This is... I don’t know what to say I...”  
“Well, do you like it?”  
“Yes, I love it,”  
“Well that’s enough for me, turn round,”

Her hair was taken up in to a little bundle on the top of her head, her back towards him. His arms now cuddled her, placing the jewellery softly across her neck. There was something about his touch that felt so.... Right. Like his fingers belonged to her body. She wanted to so desperately to kiss his fingertips, have them run along her back. Trailing down her spin. The little bee rested just below her collarbones, subtly between them. The metal felt cold against her tanning skin, her shoulders had yet to play catch up for even under the dark were the redness apparent. The gesture was his way of claiming her, openly and proudly without saying it. Her thumb and finger pinched the pendant once feeling the clasp be secured as she turned,  
“Finn, thank you,”  
His smile said it all. He found his arms resting across his bent up knees, body relaxing. He had hoped this wouldn’t be his last trip here with the family, wishfully thinking he would be joining them the next time they ventured down to the coast. Hopefully Bea and himself being something more. Worry lining his stomach at the thought of how Bea would be once they were home, the merry little bubble of Cornwall going to be burst eventually. It felt like Cornwall and home were two entirely different worlds,

“What are you thinking about?”  
He so desperately wanted to chase away his anxiety. Tomorrow looming as he knew he would be out staying his welcome if he opted to extend his trip any further,  
“How many burns dad’s going to need covering up after this,”  
Finn tossed a glance at David, smiling, but he wanted more from her. He wanted her to speak of any worries, any troubles. He wanted her to lay herself bare for him, “No but what are you thinking about?”

“Home,”

She admitted glumly, looking down at her knees. Surprised when he admitted he was too, their smiles were no longer creasing the edges around their eyes. She stared at him, his eyes drifted out into the sea. Hair flowing slightly in the wind. He looked divine, smelt it too. Sun cream and aftershave. His fringe was beginning to grow long but Bea liked it, the way it had a curl to it took years off of his face. Even his side profile was finely crafted, soft under the glow of the fire. Flickers of flyaway flames lighting up his eyes. Bea wasn’t sure he knew just exactly how much handsome he accumulated but she felt a slight honour as she huddled under the blanket with him, nobody else privileged enough to be watching him.

“Right, kids, step back as he’s ready,” Karen had now joined, standing beside Bea and Finn. Handing them a little portable cup of wine each, telling them they were ‘Going to need it.’ David was quick, lighting each bit of frayed rope underneath the rockets; quickly running backwards with Theo. Finn used this as an excuse to squash himself further into Bea.

The first bang made their shoulders shake before a colourful swirl and pop illuminated the inked sky. An array of claps and crackles surrounded them, even some of the neighbours had now come out on their porches to watch. There was a sense of togetherness that drifted throughout them all, David and Karen huddled together. Theo cheered and jumped. Finn took a sip of his wine, cringing at the sour taste, before placing it into the sand. It was now he turned to Bea and looked at her, something held his chest tightly together. He had never noticed before the different kind of prettiness her face held. Her eyelashes fluttered in wonder at the colours above, her mouth slightly open and it was then he knew. It was now or never. His stomach bombilating in anticipation.  
His thumb found his way to her jaw, hand cupping her face. Her cheeks getting lost in his fingers. Begging for her attention to be on him, his eyebrows raised as he awaited for consent. All she gave was a slight tilt to the side, allowing him to slide in. He was gentle with the initiate contact, his thumb caressing her skin. But it was her who hardened it, desperate for more. He gave her more without putting on an x-rated display for her family. He ached to lower her downwards, fully wrapping her up into him. Her fingers found their way to his chest, tangling themselves with his cross. The pendant twirling between her fingers. The blanket that once cut them off from the people around them slipped, exposing them but they didn't care. Somewhere between the fireworks and drink, this was how a first kiss was supposed to be shared between two people - the kiss back at his flat didn't count. Bea had been used to drunken snogs and gropes in bars, so to be kissed with such a passion made her head swim,

“That’s not how friends are supposed to kiss,”  
Her words came out in small gasps as their foreheads touched, chests rising and falling deeply. Her fingers still wrapped up in his chain. His eyes grew dark as he admitted,

“Who said we’re friends?”  
He was now smiling, which she couldn’t stop her lips from replicating. Neither wanted to move but as the fireworks grew louder; demanding their attention did Finn be the first to pull back. A loving kiss placed ever so lightly on her forehead. Her fingers fell from his chest, head dropping to his shoulder as she nestled into his side. He picked up his wine and took a drink, the taste not as sour any more.

****  
Bea’s hand found it’s way to her forehead, letting out a scratchy groan. Her throat desperate for something cold,  
“My head,”  
A laugh came from beside her, alerting her of the extra weight in her bed. Her eyes widened as she looked beside her, Finn’s bare chest now open as he lay on his back. Bea’s brain felt scattered along the floor, trying to piece itself back together. Night had transcended into morning, the daylight pouring in through the flower patterned curtains; a yellow overcast. Bea tried to shake her mind for some hint on how Finn had ended up in her bed. The only thing she could remember was her mum and dad, wrapped up in one another as they danced around the living room; begging the birthday girl and her guest to join them. Bea tried and tried to head on up to bed, but once her mother flicked on Candi Staton did Bea find herself lost in between the scrum of her mother and father. Flashes of Finn’s hips as they swayed, putting David’s ‘Dad dancing’ To shame, feet bouncing back and forth as he grew lost in the music... Attempts of high notes... Giggles... David and Finn forming a dance line to Earth, Wind and Fire... Sly groping when darling Ma and Da weren’t looking...

But none explained how Finn wound up beside her. She searched her memory and came up empty handed, the piercing that penetrated her skull wouldn’t let her think,  
“How did you.... End up in my bed?”  
She now pulled up the covers to her chest, guarding herself from any more fondling that may have happened last night. The sobriety no longer blinding her common sense,  
“Bea, chill. Your mum and dad fell asleep on the couch and you felt mean, so you told me we could share a bed as long as I was back downstairs before your dad woke up and I kept my hands to myself,”  
“And did you?”  
“Excuse me, I may be a flirt but even I know where to draw the line and anyway it wasn’t me we had to worry about. That’s twice you’ve tried to attack me when you’ve been pissed,”  
He joked at this as he held up two fingers, stressing his point. Bea could only whine at this, burying her face under the covers. This, was why she shouldn’t drink. It suddenly came pouring in, the flood gates opening as they washed over her. The groping, her fingers trying to undo his buttons, he telling her no. Her then falling off the bed, explaining the dull thud on her forehead, him telling her to go to bed. It all came back at once,

“O’God,” Her voice was muffled from the covering. She didn’t want to move, her bedding the only protection between her and facing her embarrassment of Finn’s smiling face. He was finding this all too funny,  
“S’nor Funny!”  
“It is,”  
“S’nor!” Her head popped up from the covers, still holding them up to her chin. Now noticing he was lying propped up on an arm, sideways,  
“It is a little bit funny,”  
“Was I really that bad?”  
He paused for a moment, wondering how long he could play on this. He wanted to torment her, drag it out for as long as possible for truth be told he had enjoyed the gropings and pleadings off Bea but as much as he ached to give in to her advances; he knew it would be wrong. When you’re in a relationship and both parties are gone past tipsy; is it ok to have a little fondle and cop a little feel but not when it’s somebody who you had only just gotten past the friend zone with,  
“I’m only teasing, you weren’t. You passed out before you got past the first button,”  
She knew he was lying to save her from curling her toes any further into themselves. But she let it go, he hovered over her; watching as she fiddled with her fingers. They were now over and out, bedding tucked underneath her arms,  
“So, how does it feel to be twenty-one?”  
“Ugh, awful,”  
“Maybe that’s the Chardonnay you were downing last night,”  
“Could be,”

They said nothing for a little while after this. They both knew today was Finn’s last day, once he was ok to drive would he set off. Things waiting at home that could no longer be ignored. Home... It seemed like he had been at the Cornwall house for so long, not three days, reality a lifetime ago. Getting lost in waves and the taste of ice cream. Finn hadn’t realised he’d been staring into space for he now drew his eyes back to Bea as he hummed, answering,  
“Hmm?”  
“I...Wha... What do you fancy doing today?”  
Her eyes were innocent, fingers finding their way back up to his necklace as they played with the cross once again. So desperate to just feel him, something, anything. He wanted to pull her into him, telling her that they weren’t moving but he knew the approval of David and Karen wouldn’t be given. David and Karen, he was going to miss them. And Theo, everything about Cornwall his heart ached for already. Wishing he could shrink it all and carry around in his pocket, he now understood why the family had such a soft spot for the coast. Sandy beaches surrounding, cloudless skies for miles. Right here, in this bed, is where he belonged,  
“I dunno, what did you have in mind?”  
“Well I thought I could show you around, you know, before you went home? There’s a nice little fish and chips place just up the road I thought you might like. That is, if you want to,”  
Her eyes were pleading with him, in hopes he wouldn’t tell her he was departing soon. Not wanting to hang around before her mum and dad crawled out of their hungover pit.  
But that’s all her fears was, just fear for Finn agreed; telling her that sounded nice. Bea couldn’t help but pout as Finn moved from her, the contact being momentarily lost for he outstretched an arm as he lay back; patting his chest.

Finn’s fingers found themselves wound in Bea’s hair, whilst hers drew circles on his chest. This, it felt all too familiar. The touching of skin, her body pressed into his. They becoming one as they melted into each other, something that reminded them of a sense of homeliness. Finding something neither knew they were missing,

“Do you think your mum and dad are alive yet?”  
“Definitely not... Why?”  
“I just.... I just want to stay here for a little bit longer.”

****  
After a few moanings from Finn, complaining how her shorts were a little shorter than he would’ve liked, they now joined the rest of the family. Well, just her mother; who’s sunglasses hid most of her face. Her cheeks a little pale. Theo and her father were on the beach yet again. Finn and Bea were more lively now they were showered and changed, not envying her mother in the slightest,

“What time did you two go to bed then?”  
She asked, slowly sipping her coffee,

“Erm,” Bea looked at Finn, “About four?”  
“I’ll let it slide this time, Bea, but don’t tell your dad. I know you’re an adult but...”  
Bea’s cheeks burned, her chin tucking into her chest. Hiding her face, Finn came to the rescue,  
“Don’t worry, Karen, I kept my hands to myself,” His smile could charm a nun,  
“Hmm and that’s what I’ll choose to believe,” A pause, “So what are you up to today then?”  
“I was gonna take Finn up to the fish bar, take him out down by the cliffs as well. Show him a bit of Cornwall before he goes home,”  
Karen’s smile dropped, “You’re going? Already?”  
“I’d love to stay, really. But, I’ve got work,”  
“Oh Finn, what a shame. But remember you’re always welcome down here,”  
He smiled, keeping the invitation in mind. Bea glanced at the time on her phone, and nudged Finn slightly,  
“Come on, we better get a move on,”  
Karen seemed genuinely sad to see him go, reminding him he was always welcome. After kisses on cheeks were shared, the pairing headed out.

Cornwall was flourishing. The streets were narrow, but lively. People lingered around doorsteps as they talked. Children ran between legs, high off of sugar and sunshine. Souvenir stores thrived, colourful displays of different collectibles hung around outside; attracting visitors,  
“It’s up here,” Bea now being the one in charge did she point ahead, Finn’s hands sunk into his pockets; eyeing up the streets. He usually being the leader within the pack, having Bea take charge was different. But he liked it. They waltzed up to the fish bar, a little awning protecting them from the sun,

“Y’alright, Kev?”  
A man, thinning around the hair and growing around the stomach, popped his head out,  
“Y’alright, Bea! Was wondering when I was gonna get a visit from y’,”  
Kev, a family friend for many a year. He somewhat of an uncle to her,  
“I’m sorry, Kev, you know me. Always busy,”  
“Why we call ya Busy Bea, love, now what can I get y’?”  
Bea’s voice faded into the background as Finn looked around, hands still deep into his pocket. Resembling somewhat of a lost child, he wanted to give Bea and the man some privacy. Trying to find something for his eyes to focus on, but with the swirls of colours and movement on people; it made his eyes blur,  
“Finn?”  
“Huh?”  
“Ketchup or mayo?”  
“Neither,” A frown from Bea, “Just vinegar and salt please,”  
She nodded at this, continuing to gab away as she drowned Finn’s chip cone with the condiments. Stabbing a little wooden fork in, did she hand it over. Taking her own and smothering it in mayonnaise, making Finn cringe. Mayonnaise was evil, to Finn. It tasting of pure fat and oil,  
“Alright,” She picked up a chip with her fork, shoving it in her mouth, “I better go, Kev, say hello to Lindsay for me,”  
“I will, give your mum and everyone my love,”  
“I will!” She spoke over her shoulder, smiling before joining Finn; who now also tucked in,  
“How’d you know him?”  
“Who?”  
“The Pope,” He laughed quietly, his fork stabbing at a chip “Who’d you think?”  
“Oh! Kev? Dad’s friend, he was his best man at mum and dad’s wedding, friends since they were kids, blah blah blah,”  
“Oh,”  
They weaved in and out of people, their feet rising up and down the uneven streets and cobbles. Finn followed Bea as she guided him throughout the town, talking between bites and laughter; her pointing out shops and teaching him the history she had learnt through her dad. They dipped down side streets, walked up hills before eventually they walked down the slanted slope; disappearing behind the cliffs.  
The ground below was squishy, old sand and water mixed together; creating a cement looking paste. Tall cliffs surrounded them, rocks scattered about; both large and small. Loud waves crashed over unlucky boulders that were out on the sea front. They had come to a halt, Finn looked in towards the cave before them. A small square of unkempt grass hidden from the sky above, darkening both it and the cave itself,  
“Come on,”  
Finn did what he was told, following her in,  
“It’s... It’s nice,” He said, as they took a seat, “Bit cold though,”  
The grass underneath was damp from the lack of sunlight,  
“Shut y’ face and eat your chips,”

But his were nearly gone, noticing a band of seagulls collect around one of the rocks; Finn threw his remainders. Crushing the empty cup and placing it and the fork beside him,  
“How did you find out about this?”  
“I can’t remember, but I come here whenever mum and dad get on my nerves. I like the quiet,”  
And quiet was what followed. Finn watched as the seagulls now scrapped over his food, the blue sky peeking through into them. Finn could understand why Bea had favoured the cave, for it being so tucked away. Private, you could see out but nobody could see in. Bea tilted her cone up into her mouth, scraping the remains into her mouth with her fork. Copying Finn with the crushing of the cone and placing it down.  
What now?

Finn’s fingers found itself tearing some of the grass upwards, playing with it between his fingers as he lay up on his side; his elbow supporting his weight. Bea didn’t appear to be as nervous, just simply taking in the scenery before her. Her eyes following the birds,

“What happens,” She asked, pulling his eyes up from the greenery and to her face, “When we go back home?” A pause, “Where do we go from here?” There was a silence, her unable to look at him. This being more a spoken thought than a genuine question, judging by the pensive look on her face as she stared outward,  
“Well, what do you want to do?”  
This, she didn’t know. That’s why she had asked, Finn always being the one to take charge, being in control. So for him to be clueless, she had no hope. She wanted more than whatever this was, she wanted him to be hers. Just like him, she didn’t want to share,  
“Well question is, what are you going to do about Jane?”  
Ah, there it was,  
“I was meaning to tell you about that, actually. I ended it before I came up here,” It was now his turn to look outwards as she looked down at him,  
“You did that for me?”  
“No,” He admitted with a frown, more grass twiddled between his fingers, “There was just nothing there any more, it wasn’t fair. Especially with having feelings for you, it’s not fair on anybody,”  
She nodded at this, trying hard not to smile at knowing there was nobody waiting for him back at home,  
“What if you change your mind? What if you realise, that I’m not what you want? What happens then?”  
He smiled up at her, his finger grazing her thigh “We’ll cross that bridge if it comes to it, Bea, just stop worrying.”  
But she couldn’t, she knew he could be fickle. For if he had ended things with Jane so impulsively, this being the first girl that wasn’t family to be allowed into his home, what chance did Bea have? They barely knew each other. Sure, she had been to his flat but that was because he was being a good person. What would happen when they got back home, would she be allowed to stay? Would she suddenly be barred? How did this work? She’d only ever been in one real relationship before, somebody back in her home town, Tom was just a university fling. An educational experiment,  
“’Worrying does not take away today’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace’” He stated profoundly, “It’s what my mum used to tell me,” He explained as Bea raised an eyebrow at him. It didn’t go amiss, the pinch at his words. Which Bea led to wonder about his mum, for he had never really mentioned her before. Only once, but that was to prove a point that he wasn’t a sex pest,  
“What’s she...” She wasn’t sure whether to continue, it was when he looked up at her to give consent that she did,”What’s she like?”

He closed himself off, scowling as he tore up blade of grass. Not answering. Bea found herself wishing she could take it back, it was too soon to be asking. She knew this, it was only a mere innocent question but she knew Finn needed time to allow her in,  
“Sorry,”  
“It’s fine,” He now let himself to look up at her, the Finn she knew returning to his eyes; his chest opening up again,  
“Just.... Another time yeah? Maybe when you tell me off over my first aid kit again,”  
This was a spoken with a teasing but subtle smile, she looked at him before she realised what he was referring to. A little hope lifting her chest, her worries of being not allowed back to Finn’s disappearing. She felt as though her relief was a little too apparent so she shoved his shoulder with her hand, a laugh being shared between the two.  
As she watched him, his head tossed back. Eyes squeezed shut, shoulders shaking with the laughter did Bea know she was going to have to be patient before she could find out exactly who he was. But between his smile and her own, she knew;

She would do whatever it took.


	7. The First Date.

  
7\.   
“What’s your favourite food?”  
Cornwall seemed a dream ago, the summer sun had been left behind with it. With a book on her lap and a cup of tea on her bedside table, Bea was content. The heavy rain continued to throw a tantrum against her window. Her phone was now cradled between her ear and shoulder,  
“Hello to you too,”  
Finn had jumped straight in, as soon as Bea accepted the call,  
“Sorry,” The familiar cheeky laughter echoed through phone, she was unable to stop herself from smiling at it,  
“Well,” She closed her book, sitting up to grip her phone properly, “To answer your question, it’s Italian,”  
“Italian? Got it,”  
“Why anyway, Thomas?” The speaking of his last name was spoken with a teasing tone, knowing his last name irked him when being called it,   
“Say my name properly or I won’t tell you,”  
“Fine... _Finn_ , why do you ask?”   
“Thank you, and because I’m taking you out tonight,”  
“What, like a date?”  
She could feel his smile through her phone, “No Bea I was just going to make you stand outside and watch me eat,” A pause, “Of course on a date you tool,”

Time had passed between the present and Cornwall. Bea’s worries of Finn being different were simply _just_ worries. For, if anything, he was unable to keep away from her; not her from him. Spending every day together in some way, whether it be through FaceTime or picking her up from work. How did dates even work, would that be something she could ask Finn? For Sarah was nowhere in sight today, that reminded Bea; when was she coming home? Bea had never been taken ‘Out’ Before, aside from her first date with her ex in which they went to cinema; and he was only using the darkness as an excuse to cop a feel.  
“Bea?”  
“Hmm?” She answered, looking down at her nails as she picked at them,”  
“I said, what are you doing?”  
“Sorry! I’m in a world of my own,” She swung her legs off of the bed, beginning to wander around her room, “I am currently, doing nothing. Well, not nothing for I’m now wondering what to wear,”  
“Well if it helps, you could always wear your birthday suit,” He joked, sort’ve, Bea felt the heat rise in her cheeks but she played it cool,  
“Now as easy as that would make my life, somehow I don’t think that would go down too well,”  
Her hands began to scrounge through her wardrobe, the hangers scraping across the railing, “What do people even wear on dates?”  
She hadn’t mean to have asked, not realising she had spoken out loud. She froze as she heard,  
“Why? Have you never been on one?”  
 _Way to play it cool._   
“No,” She confessed, sinking back down onto the edge of her bed, “I haven’t exactly got people lining up at my door,”  
“Oh, well even more pressure for me then,”  
“Finn, relax. You could take me to McDonald’s and I would still be impressed,”  
“Don’t tempt me.”  
They shared a shy smile through the phone. But the pressure was on, for both parties. One having never being on a proper date, the other now having to up his game,  
“So, I’ll pick you up at 8?”  
“I’ll see you then, laters Thomas,”  
“Laters Flowers.”

Beep. Call ended.   
Bea’s question still hung in the air; what _did_ people do on dates? What was allowed? What was the dress code? Her feet dreaded the moment they would be squeezed into the thin straps of her heels. Did she have to wear heels? Would trainers be out of the question? Of course they would. She may not exactly be a Lothario but flat shoes were definitely not allowed. She knew this from the amount of times Sarah had stressed to her, as Bea always helped her get ready. Always the helper, never the date. She wanted to call Finn back, asking for advice. But the best next thing would have to do, with Sarah being out of reach,

“Malik? We have a code red.”

****   
Bea would be lying if she had said she wasn’t nervous, of course she was. Wouldn’t anybody be? She had tucked her little bee inside her dress, it being a secret between her and Finn. Her friends had yet to spot the little pendant, and Bea had hoped it would be kept that way for a while; not ready to yet talk about Cornwall. When she had come home, they hadn’t notice anything different apart from the sun tan. Only polite questions were asked, how was it? How’s the family? Nothing out of the ordinary.   
“Do you do this with all your dates?”  
Finn’s hands were in front of her, obstructing her view but not touching for he knew she had spent a while putting a look together,  
“Only the special ones,”  
He chuckled, it humming against her back. She held her hands in front of her, desperate to find something to hold to prevent her from falling flat on her face. She let out a deep exhaling, telling herself it was just Finn. Just Finn. Just Finn. His aftershave tickled her nose pleasantly.

Just... Finn.   
The car ride was full of multiple questions from him, she could tell he was nervous. To calm him, she replied as best she could. She had to admit, the dark alley they had pulled the car in to surprised her. She knew she had told Finn she wouldn’t mind where they went; but she thought she deserved more than a dodgy back alleyway. As Finn helped her out the car did he hide her view, he being her guidance. After a few protests, she let him take charge and that’s where they now found themselves.

It wasn’t fair, how he looked in his suit. The colour of navy, a white shirt buttoned to just his chest. Hair combed back, out of his face. Oozing sex appeal. Bea had wanted more nothing than to slam the door in his face, telling him he was too handsome and she couldn’t go with him,  
“Alright, we’re... Almost... There,”  
His legs were pressed firmly into hers from behind, holding her up. Teetering side to side as they moved together. Either Bea had gone temporarily deaf or they were in silence. By the sound of their shoes echoing on the wooden floor, they were in silence. Finn’s hands lifted from her face and Bea nearly hit the deck from fright,  
“ **SURPRISE!** ”  
Poppers exploded, mini canons of vibrant confetti. Claps and whistles. A crowded mixture of family and friends that had huddled together now split off from jumping. Bea’s heart rattled in her chest, she then turned to Finn and smiled; gritting her teeth together,  
“ _I’m going to kill you_ ,”  
“ _Just smile and wave_ ,”  
He moved in front of her, grinning. He lifted two fingers and let out a dog whistle before joining in with the crowd as he clapped. But before Bea could get to grips with her surroundings, she was swallowed by hugs and kisses from everybody. Finn getting lost in the sea of people, her eyes frantically searched for him; her life line. It was then she spotted him, receiving a subtle wink.

****  
“I can’t believe you did this! How did you pull it off?”  
The party was in full swing and the sun had gone to bed. The function room getting wider the more people leaved as time was getting on. Endless tables were set out and had coverings of confetti that were gold and in the shape of ‘21’ Balloons weighed down by little pale pink coated boxes. The stage at the head of the room was occupied by DJ decks and a birthday banner in the colour of cream and gold - a baby picture one end and more recent picture the other. Food had been ate and drinks flowed - along with merry chatter.  
Drunken uncles chortled by the bar, bitchy aunts shouted over one another and kids screamed and giggled; restless energy as they weaved in and out of tables.   
Bea had been more than happy to see her mum and dad were there, they joining her at one of the tables. Theo was off somewhere with one of their cousins. Finn had rarely left her side, only to go to the bar and toilet,  
“I told you we had to do something for your birthday, and plus it was Sarah’s idea we were just told the time and the place,”  
Of course it was,  
“Excuse me, it was Finn who had organised it! I just told him the guest list,”  
The blame was passed back and forth, causing Bea to give out a little giggle,  
“Well thank you to _whoever_ organised it, although I may need a heart replacement, I’m happy. It’s brill to see everyone,” Her eyes scanned the room, although her heart had yet to calm completely and her cheeks to cool, she really was happy. Friends from university, family she hadn’t seen in years come together to celebrate her. Somebody’s arms cuddled her from behind, a family member,  
“Thank you for coming, it’s been lovely to see you,”  
They gave a little wave, their toddler’s head buried in his dad’s neck as he was passed out from the sugar high,  
“So, how are you enjoying your first date?”  
“Ha ha very funny,” A grin, “But thank you, Finn, really. It’s been the best night but you do owe me a proper date after nearly giving me a heart attack,”  
“Deal,” He smiled, taking a sip of his pint.   
“But seriously, Finn, thank you,” He gave her knee a gentle squeeze, needing not to reply. As although a screaming Catherine wheel was set off on the table; Sarah let out a squeal upon hearing the first few beats of a familiar disco song be played. The room suddenly coming alive as people rushed to the dance floor. some of the older aunties reliving their youth. Sarah turned to Bea, her hands clasping together in a beg,  
“Come on, Bea, please?”  
“No, no dancing,”  
The table joined in with Sarah’s pleadings, encouraging her to go,  
“Yeah, go on, Bea,” Finn teased, “Go dance,” But Bea wasn’t going to let him get away with it that easy,   
“Oh no if I’m going you are too,”  
Finn’s smug smile dropped and before he could comprehend what was happening, his wrist was being snatched up; his body being hoisted up and towards the dance floor. He attempted to dig his heels in, but Bea had one hell of a grip and they were now surrounded by grooving bodies. Finn struggled to move, dodging out of the way of stumbling uncles who belted out the song; wrapped up in one another,  
“Bea I can’t do this. I don’t dance,” He tried to escape but the wall of bodies blocked his path.  
Bea pulled him back, “Oh no if I have to go through this so do you,” She laughed, “Relax, get in the groove maaan,” She started pulling some serious Saturday Night Fever moves, trying to bring Finn out of his shell. The rhythm was infectious and Finn’s feet didn’t listen to his brain as they began moving in time to the beat, followed by his hips,  
“Yeaaah! That’s it!” Encouraged Bea.

Before he knew it, he was lost in the music. His hands found hers through the crowd, he pulled her in before pushing her back out; spinning her around and pulling her back into his chest. The two moving as one, faces drowning in wide smiles. He spun her back round to face him, one hand on her tail bone and the other guided her hand upwards and down. He dipped her playfully, hoisting her back up to him. They twirled, danced and nothing could be happier than this moment. Between the loud belting of everybody as they screamed the lyrics, and the floor shaking as feet stomped; this is what true joy felt like. Finn hooked Sarah under one arm, Bea the other and the three flicked their legs out left to right in unison, before the song’s final note was sung out by the party and it was followed by heavy breathing as the dancing took it out of them,  
“I need a drink,” Panted Sarah, who headed for the bar. Finn’s hands were on his hips as he tried to catch his breath, he may looked physically fit but the weekends of lounging around and beer would beg to differ,  
“Oh God, I’ve got a stitch,”  
He hunched over, wincing. Bea could only laugh at this, “I thought you were some big gym instructor,” Her breathing also uneven. He now straightened himself up, pointing out, “I could still out run you though,” He headed towards the bar as Bea’s attention was now on a younger girl he presumed to be a cousin. He joined Sarah, who had just passed her order over,

“God I’m roasting, who knew disco music was such a workout,”  
He grinned at her, dimple deep in his cheek. Genuine. He liked Sarah, with a sharp tongue and Bea’s best intentions at heart; he was fond of her. One of the barmen who was free asked Finn what did he want, “A pint of Fosters, and two apple sours. Cheers mate,”  
Sarah sipped at her drink, eyeing Finn,   
“So, how was Cornwall?”  
He looked at her, how did she know?   
“Don’t give me that look, Finn, I’m her best friend. I live with her, she can’t get anything past me,”  
“Oh right. It was good thanks,” His hand swiped one of the green shots that was placed in front of him, handing it over to Sarah. He knocked his own back, and she followed; cringing,  
“God, that’s vile,” A cough.  
His face screwed, nodding. He began sipping his pint, washing away the bitter taste,  
“So, did you shag her?”  
Beer came out of his nose in a snort at the question, wiping away the excess dribbles on his sleeve as he placed the pint down on the bar top. He let out a little cough, frowning as he shyly admitted,  
“No we haven’t, done er _that_ yet,”  
Sarah sipped from her straw before quipping in a little taunt,  
“Well you better get a move on, she needs to get her nuts too you know,”  
And with that, she left for the table. Finn looked down as flicked the beer away from his fingers, Sarah’s voice echoing in his mind, the arbitrary question played on his thoughts. Sex. Something he, admittedly, hadn’t really thought about. Ok, that was a lie. It had passed his mind, but he hadn’t obsessed over it. But the question was, when was the right time to try it with her? They’d been seeing each other just gone past two weeks now, perhaps it was too early, which was new to him considering most of his “Relationships” Started based off of sex. His mind wandered, whether he wanted it to or not. When was the last time she’d had sex? He wasn’t stupid, she was an adult. In university and she had previously mentioned that Tom was nothing more than somebody she slept with.   
Finn didn’t mind, although he couldn’t deny his jealousy as he was human after all, but Bea’s sexual relations didn’t make up who she was. It just relieved the pressure a little on Finn, for if she was a virgin he knew he’d be a nervous wreck. Well, he would anyway as Bea was the first who’d actually meant something to him. Jane being the closest thing he had to an almost relationship. Bea wasn’t his girlfriend, of course, it was too early but his feelings for her squashed anything he felt for Jane,   
“You can’t hide at the bar forever you know,” He turned, looking down. A smitten twinkle in his eye. Bea, his Bea,   
“I see you finally got away from the family,” His hands found themselves on her face as he pulled her head towards him, his lips on her forehead. Her fingers curled around his arms, looking up at him,  
“Yeah, if I have to shuffle one more time my toes might genuinely fall off. Come on, mum and dad are going soon,”  
Pint in one hand, Bea’s in the other. They snaked in between the tables, he could see Bea’s shoulders fall in disappointment as her mum and dad were rising from their seats. Coats on, Theo’s head lolled into David’s chest; out for the count,  
“You’re going?”  
“Darling, we’d love to stay but Theo’s knackered,” Bea’s hand never left Finn’s, finding comfort in his touch, Karen moved over and gave a kiss on her cheek, “Don’t look so sad. You’re coming home in a few weeks. Until then, we’ll FaceTime,” She gave a shared goodbye between the table and they were gone,  
“Do you want to go?” Finn asked, upon seeing Bea’s sudden upset,  
“No, it’s just I thought they would be staying a bit longer or dad would’ve took Theo back to the hotel,”  
They were now sat down, the party dying. Signalling it was almost home time. Bea had become quiet, no longer in the mood to party. Finn felt something in his chest, at the thought of Bea going back home without him,  
“You never told me you were going home,” Finn couldn’t help show his disappointment. He felt a little put out that Bea hadn’t mentioned it,  
“Yeah, only for a few days but it’s better than nothing. I was going to talk to you about that actually, I was wondering... Would you like to come? I mean, you don’t have to. If you don’t want to,”  
“I’d love to,”  
They grew lost in each other’s smiles. Bea’s feeling of sadness becoming forgotten in the green of his eyes and Finn couldn’t help but think:  
Sex could wait.

****  
Finn hissed as the water spat up at him, burning his fingers. He flicked his hand out, before returning back to cooking. His kitchen was alive, between the light above and the steam; Finn’s face was gone past warm. But he didn’t mind, hands stuck between different pots. His head bobbed and he whistled, mimicking the sounds from the radio. A little swing to his hips, he threw the tea towel on his shoulder; moving it out of his way.  
Bea’s first, official sleepover. And Finn’s efforts were in full, speak of the Devil. His phone rang out through the kitchen, he wiped his hand down before answering; putting it on speaker so he could man the station,  
“Hey, gorgeous, where are you?”  
“I’m just walking through the courtyard, I won’t be long.”  
“Good, are you hungry?”  
“Starving, what’s on the menu?”  
A lot, judging by the pots and pans that occupied the different gas rings,  
“It’s a surprise.”  
“Ooh exotic,”  
He heard the clicks of the keypad, followed by the buzzer. She was here,  
“Knock knock.”  
Finn hung up and headed for the door, trying his best not to skip. He couldn’t stop smiling, his cheeks ached; the muscle not recognising the movement that was used so often lately,  
“Ciao Bella,”  
“Ooh, somebody’s been at google translate,”  
They moved on in through and into the main room of the flat. Bea began moving the collar of her t-shirt as she whined, “Jesus, Finn, I thought outside was warm. Crack open a window will you,”  
He did as told as she moved towards the couch, throwing her bag downwards,  
“How was work?”  
“Work.”  
She took a sip of the beer she had been handed,   
“Although I was asked for my number today.”  
Her voice was teasing, Finn’s ears twitched at this and Bea’s smile popped up,  
“Relax, he was fifteen.”  
“Ha ha so funny.”  
He told Bea to take a seat at the table whilst he finished up. The two passed conversation as Finn swirled the different ingredients, putting it together. Finn liked the normality, always one for routine. He liked that he had somebody waiting for him, them choosing his home to come to after work. He liked being able to look after somebody, playing the host. He dished the food out and wandered over to Bea, placing it in front of her before taking a seat,  
“So, you been up to anything today?”  
“Little bit of this, little bit of that. Actually a friend of mine called today, you remember Liam?”  
“The one with the glasses?”  
“Mmhm, he’s doing an exhibit up by North John street. Do you fancy it?”  
Bea had never been to an exhibit before, which she was what she told Finn. She imagined it to be all red wine and ties. Pieces of tissue on the floor being sold for £50,000 to the highest bidder. She had only met Liam once, when her and Finn had nipped in the corner shop to pick up some milk. He didn’t seem the type to be an exhibitionist, in fact he looked merely like just a run-of-the-mill art student; all glasses and paint stained overalls,  
“Don’t overthink it, it’s chill. They’re usually quite boring to be honest but I’ve promised I’ll go,”  
“Would I have to wear a dress or anything?”  
Finn smiled between bites, “Yes, Bea, it may not be dinner at the palace but even I still have to wear a suit,”  
Bea’s mind found itself tangled up in her wardrobe, the black dress? No, it was too short. The nude? No, it showed too much cleavage. It must’ve been easy for Finn, just throw on a suit and call it a day. She couldn’t help but envy him,  
“And I want you to meet my friends.”  
“Your friends? But I already know James and everyone-”  
“Not _our_ friends, Bea, _my_ friends.”  
Bea couldn’t help but feel jealous that he had a life outside of their little group. Although nervous, she had already met Liam and if he were anything to go by the friends he spoke of would be a relaxed, creative bunch. Not wine and tie, but more a cup of tea and trainers.  
“Alright, I’ll come. When is it?”  
And that was when Finn divulged the details. What time, what would be expected. Any questions were answered. He was happy too, for he really disliked going the art shows on his own. He had done it for a couple of years now. He had only shown up with Jane once, and that was because she had also been invited; being a friend of Liam’s also and Finn thought it would save them a journey by going together. But this, this was different for he would now have Bea on his arm; parading her around the room like a piece of treasured art work that would be scattered along the walls,  
“Have you ever taken Jane before?”  
His fork let out a scrape against his plate, a warning to Bea. He didn’t want to talk about Jane, not with Bea; not with anybody. She was old news, why bring her up?   
“Does it matter?”  
“Not really.”  
“Then why ask?”  
“Just curious,”  
“Well stop it.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“It’s fine.”  
Their words were clipped. Bea had been caught up in the temporary stage of honeymoon that she had forgotten Finn was still a very much private person. Between the kisses and happy feeling, Finn was still not willing to let her in entirely. She had gotten far past his previous flings, but she still wasn’t quite there. He knew she had only been asking a question, but allowing the vulnerability of letting her in... It was too much a burden to bare currently. She had to earn his trust, something he couldn’t offer so willingly and Bea wondered if he would ever fully open up and educate her in the origins of his past.  
“So,” A sip of his beer, washing down the irritated feeling, “Tell me more about this kid who asked for your number.”

****  
The car pulled up to the curb of the art studio, people were milling around outside, absorbing the smoke of individuals with cigarettes alight as they conversed. The ignition was turned off, both Finn and Bea being released from the seat belts. After helping Bea down, did he turn to lock the car. He didn’t acknowledge the fact that the safety lock normally in place had been taken off as he clicked the button on his keys,and shoved them in his pants pocket.  
“You ready?” He inquired.  
She nodded, taking his arm as he led them both through the small gathering of people outside the venue and beyond the building’s glass doors. There were a number of faces she recognised but found herself lost of their names; thankful to have Finn introduce them again. It amused her to discover Finn purposefully skirted passed the people she knew he found to be, in his words, “Arrogant arty types.”. However, the description bore no resemblance to Liam, who greeted them rather excitedly,  
“Finn, Bea. You made it,”  
A kiss on each cheek, champagne being handed over from one of the passing trays what moved throughout the room. He played the role of ‘Man of The Hour’ Perfectly, finely dressed and wide smiles. But the real Liam seeped through as he admitted,  
“I’m bloody sweating in this suit,”  
Bea and Finn laughed at him, before Finn then asked,  
“Hows it going?”  
“Brilliant, I’ve already had a buyer.”

Bea left them to talk, her hands absent mindedly twiddling her pendant between her fingers. Lips pursed as she took in the art and the spectators. Her feet now began to wander, pretending like she knew what any of it meant. A sculpture here, a painting there. Although it couldn’t be denied Liam had talent, it was all confusing to Bea. She chose to stand in front of something that wasn’t a headache to stare at, her eyes searching for something familiar or recognisable,   
“It’s beautiful isn’t it?”  
A woman’s voice questioned from beside her, the voice belonged to somebody who had flickered up a small confrontation between herself and Finn. Jane, who looked no less than perfectly put together,  
“Yes, it’s... It’s something.”  
The framed painting stood before them, swirls of colour melting in to one another, it labelled as   
‘ **THE WINDOW** ’   
She wasn’t sure what windows Liam had been peaking in to lately, but this definitely wasn’t one. Art was confusing,  
“So, are you here alone?”  
There was something that was different in Jane’s voice compared to when Bea first had a run in with her, back at Finn’s fight. It wasn’t as polite,  
“No I’m... I’m here with Finn,” Bea had tried to sound blasé, hoping to not come across as though she were being smug. But her ears flicked upon hearing Jane’s snort,  
“Typical. He never changes.”  
Bea knew Jane was bitter, as would anybody be at losing Finn. Especially as gorgeous as he looked in his suit. But she couldn’t help herself be interested in what Jane was saying, almost like she knew something Bea didn’t. Jane’s eyes twinkled with amusement as she saw Bea was now eager to know what she meant.  
“Let me guess, told you _I’m_ the only one beside yourself he’s took to one of these things before right? That he usually goes alone and all that bollocks.”  
Bea’s stomach knotted. She couldn’t find the words, her throat clasped by an invisible hand,  
“He plays it well, doesn’t he, the almost boyfriend. Dinner and cuddles, soft kisses, he met your mum and dad? Course he has, bet he charmed them didn’t he. He did with mine too.”  
Her last words were spoke in a sort of daydream, a reminisce. Bea felt sick, her stomach twisting against her insides. Her mind thinking back to Cornwall, exactly how Jane had described,  
“Why are you telling me this?” Bea had found the courage to ask,   
“Just wanted to let you know what he was like, not fair to let him hurt another pretty girl.”  
The only flattering thing about the conversation was the compliment. Images of Bea gripping Jane by the hair and pulling her around the room like a rag doll popped into her mind, something about the smugness of Jane’s words set her teeth on edge,  
“Well I’m different.”  
“Of course you are, we all were. He got you flowers yet? Took you back to his flat saying you’re the first? Well maybe not the first, but only one had been there before you? I was that one, right? Pulling off all the whole mysterious but wounded little soul?” She took a sip of her drink before she then gave a Bea a look from her heels to her face, “I shouldn’t even have to ask, I already know.”  
“So why did you ask?” Bea snarled, now finding her voice,  
“Because, I’m warning you. Don’t be a fool, Bea. He’s like a rubber band. He snaps and moves on, he’ll hurt you. He always does, I was like you. Telling myself, I’m different. We’ll fall in love, I can change him and then the next sweet thing rolled in and I was good as gone. You’re better than him,”   
“Maybe I’m not.”  
“Anybody’s better than Finn Thomas, he’s a waste of space,”  
“He’s not, you’re just bitter your plans never worked out,” And there was that spark that stood Bea out from all the rest. A fire blazing inside her, her fingers tightened around her glass; wanting to smash it under her firm clasp,  
“Bitter or right?” Her glass flute pointed slightly towards Bea to make a point. The two girls now stared one another down, Bea could feel her anger showing. Having yet to master hiding her emotions,  
“You’re a smart girl, Bea, don’t let him tell you otherwise.”  
Jane swanned off, becoming one with the crowd. Bea stood still, the room suddenly seeming to turn on an axis. As much as she didn’t want to believe Jane, there was something that nipped at her words that told her there were some truth to it. Although Bea knew there was an underlying bitterness in her voice, Jane knew more than she should’ve. She felt her body tense as a pair of hands slid onto her hips, a chest pressed against her back and a chin on her shoulder. Bea began twirling her little bee, a new found habit, 

The chatter of people was a great contrast to their silence as they both looked up to the canvas on the wall. Splatters of bright shades splintered across the painting, creating something Bea would refer to as a mess rather than art. Then again, she didn’t have an artistic bone in her body.  
“I have no idea what we’re looking at.” She admitted out loud.  
“Neither do I.” Finn chuckled. “I think it’s supposed to represent your soul or something. I don’t have a clue what half the stuff in here is about,”  
“Maybe we don’t have a soul.”  
He smiled into her cheek, keeping her close to his chest. He knew Bea was troubled, her body never relaxed into his. Something it now always did automatically,  
“You okay?”  
A nod. But that wasn’t good enough, he needed more. But, his attention was now diverted across the room. His heart gave out a spasm against his chest, a little smirk thrown his way followed by the titling of a glass. His hold on Bea loosened, looking at her,  
“Jane’s here. I didn’t know that she still came to these things,”  
“Yeah,” A moment, “We had an interesting conversation.”  
His mind went in to overtime, it piecing together that this was why she hadn’t melted in his arms. Keeping him away,  
“What about?”  
She stepped from his arms, the painting more of an interest than his questioning eyes,  
“Nothing, just how you’re a big, horrible liar apparently.”  
She looked at him, the air stilled around them. His body stiffened, unsure of whether she believed it or not. The first confirmed as she accused,  
“Why didn’t you tell me, Finn? I’m a big girl, I know you’ve got a past,”  
“Tell you what?”  
“That it wasn’t just me and Jane who’ve been to your flat? That apparently the gallery is a hot spot where you take all your dates?”  
“I don’t- I mean it’s not I-”  
“Am I just some joke that everybody knows but me?”  
“Of course not-”  
“Whatever.” She knocked the remainder of her drink back in one swift movement, ignoring the burning in her throat, “I’m going.” She brushed past him, shoving her glass into his hands. He watched as she paved a way through the crowd. He felt his nostrils flare at the sudden heat in his face, he placed the glass on one of the small tables that had been set up around the room; not entirely confident it was part of the exhibition or not. He darted through the crowd, eyes searching for her; frantic. Not completely sure she hadn’t taken off in a run, he went with his instincts and made headway for outside. The wind instantly kissed his cheeks and it was there he spotted her, his legs taking the steps two at a time,

“Come on, Bea. This is stupid! Jane was only trying to make you paranoid,”  
“Oh so what she said was lies? If that’s the case then you lied, telling me that me and her were the only two that had been to your flat. Leave me alone I’m going home,”  
“Can we just talk about this? Please,”  
“No, Finn. There’s nothing to talk about,”  
He slowed himself to a halt, his shoulders dropping,

“Bea, don’t go. Please, I’ll explain everything. Just.... Please, don’t leave me.”

There was something in his words that pulled at her heart, stopping her in her tracks. There was a pleading in his voice that confirmed what Jane had said wasn’t entirely true, for if he such a man whore he would’ve left her to her own devices; maybe even replaced her with Jane for the night. She turned on her heels and warned,   
“I’m not doing this here,” Well aware of prying eyes,  
“The flat?”  
She could only nod, not trusting her own voice. She marched up to him and passed on by, hovering by the car door. His feet went quick to the dozen, unable to hook the keys out of his pocket fast enough. A click of a lock and a swinging of a door to be heard as the two climbed in. They let the silence fill in the gaps for them as the car came to life, for they needed to save their voices; sharpening their mouths to prepare for the battle that may lay ahead. Finn itched to find something to steady his hands with, the nervous twitch shook his tendons.  
He wasn’t happy seeing his flat, for he knew the argument that lay ahead. He knew an argument was coming, of course he did, he was surprised steam hadn’t whistled from Bea’s at this point. He attempted to help her down from the car but was met by a snatching back of her hands. She marched on ahead and this was the first time he was the one who had to sprint in order to keep up with her.

He cursed quietly when the keys fell from his nervous fingers as they fidgeted in the lock. He exhaled, an attempt to calm himself but before he could try again did Bea type in the code; throwing the door open and heading on through. He gingerly followed behind, scared to make any form of noise. This was a first, him being scared of somebody and he wasn’t too proud to admit that if Bea were told him to leave his own home; he’d head straight for the car.  
She avoided his gaze as he unlocked the door, taking hold of the reins yet again as she barged on through. Leaving him on his own doorstep, would it be childish of him to lock the door and run?   
“ _Come on Finn come on._ ” He told himself through gritted teeth, trying to psych himself up. He was surprised that his head was kept on his shoulders as he entered the centre room. Bea looked... Calm. She pottered about, getting herself comfortable as her heels were off and her hair was threw up. Whether this was a good thing he wasn’t sure. He could only watch as she moved about, collecting her pyjamas from her bag did he ask,  
“Bea, what did she say?”  
She held herself still for a moment before heading on through to the bedroom,  
“That I’m a mug basically.”  
“And you believed her?”  
His question was answered with quiet, for she now had left the room. But he wasn’t going to let her avoid him, having the last word. It was now his turn to get comfortable, he stripped himself free of his suit jacket and dress shoes, placing them on top and underneath the table. His head shook in disbelief, his breathing coming out in little spouts of annoyance. He entered the bedroom and saw her, now changed; baby wipes and make up cleanser in her hands,  
“Why don’t you trust me, Bea? Why is it so easy for her but then you make it hard for me?”  
“Because she has no reason to lie to me,” She pointed out, leaving for the en suite. She had everyone reason to lie to Bea, Finn had knew her long enough to know she had a spiteful streak to her. He wanted to tell Bea of this but then it would just look like he was the bitter one, he hovered in the bathroom door way; watching as she cleaned her face. Her expression flat of any emotion, for himself he couldn’t say the same,  
“So what exactly is it she said?”  
“Oh you know,” She shrugged, sharply squeezing out more product on to a wipe, “This and that,” She slammed the bottle down. Her actions not matching the calm voice, she wiped her face roughly; the wipe becoming stained,  
“That apparently we weren’t the only two who’d been here, not including your family, and that apparently the gallery is the place you take anyone and everyone too. Jane told me you met her parents too, here’s me thinking Cornwall was special but apparently,” Her voice now becoming more shrill, “I’m not the only one who’s went through the ‘Meet the Parents’.”   
This was news to him, that he had met Jane’s parents, he thought back and the only time that she could’ve been referring to was when he had dropped her off home and her dad happened to be leaving for work, nothing more than a smile and wave was shared,  
“So, what she _told_ you that I was basically her boyfriend? Come _on_ Bea, she’s trying to get in your head,”  
“Is she?” She turned to him, her eyes shined with tears. But the tears weren’t sadness, more frustration. Her hands came up to her face as she let out a sigh into her palms, “What am I even doing, Finn?”  
“Taking off your make up,”  
“No, with us. What am I doing with _you_ ,”  
The question hung in the air and left a sour taste on Finn’s mouth, “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“It’s just,” Fold of the arm, “People keep interfering and telling me how wrong you are for me, and you’re a bad person and then... And then I look at you and I see the opposite, I keep telling myself over and over you’re lovely and that it’ll be different but there’s only so many times I can be told before I start believing them,”  
“So you tell them to piss off,”  
“It’s not that simple.” She pushed past him, fresh faced and upset. He was now hot on her heels, breathing down her neck as she began packing her toiletries into her bag,  
“It is, Bea, it is if you _believe_ we can make this work. You said it yourself, you know I’m nothing like that so why can’t you just ignore them? Let them think what they want to think, it’s none of their business,”  
“But how am I supposed to ignore them, Finn!” She threw her bag down, turning to him, “How am I supposed to ignore them when the only thing that comes out of their mouth is warning. Finn sells drugs, Finn sleeps around, Finn’s a liar. Finn’s this, he’s that. It’s your word against theirs, and as much I wished everybody would leave us alone life doesn’t work like that sadly.”  
He had, had enough. Enough of everybody telling him he was no good, filling Bea’s head with elaborate rumours that were only partly true. He could feel her slipping, their Situationship’s hour glass on it’s last few grains of sand. He was tired of trying of prove himself, stepping back did he instruct her,  
“So leave.”  
She looked at him and saw he had completely folded into himself, cutting Bea off from getting any closer to his chest or, rather his feelings, she tutted,  
“Maybe I will,”  
“Maybe you should.”  
“Fine, I will.”  
“Fine.”  
“ _Fine_.” She snapped, snatching her bag off the bed as she left. She huffed as she began collecting her things from about the place, not wanting to leave anything behind. But after coming up empty handed in search for her phone did she attempt to calm herself before entering the dragon’s lair. She paced for a moment, trying to put it off as long as she could. If her phone wasn’t her life line she would’ve long left by now. She also, not happily, wanted to see Finn before she left. She wanted to give him once last telling off, and so she puffed out her chest as she went to retrieve her phone,  
“I’ve not come to argue! I’ve just come to get my....”  
Her voice grew lost in the silence that Finn sat in. He was positioned on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. Shoulders bunched into themselves, protecting himself. Fingers lightly running through his hair, something Bea had come to learn it was a way of calming himself,  
“ _What do you want?_ ”   
The way his voice quivered did something awaken in Bea’s chest,   
“ _Come to shout at me some more?_ ”  
His voice threatened to let out a sob, she could tell the battle between his head and his heart was fighting furiously within himself. He reminded her of when Theo would get told off by their mum and dad, she would find him curled up in bed; trying not to alert Karen and David of his little whimpers and cries. Bea carefully moved towards him, and was surprised when her legs were caught by Finn’s arms as they wrapped themselves around her; head buried between her thighs. Her fingers tenderly played with his hair, soothing him. His shoulders rose and fell, a deep sigh coming from the back of his throat,  
“Why can’t people just leave us alone? I’m tired, Bea, I just want us to be happy”  
“Me too,” She agreed, “Me too.”  
He now looked up at her, eyes pleading, “I can’t lose you, I can’t. I’ve seen what it’s like to be happy and it’s you, it’s always been you.”  
He was frightened, “I’ll try, I’ll try to change. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, I’ll do anything to keep you just please don’t go,”  
“Finn, I’m not gonna leave but something has to change. You have to show me they’re wrong okay?”  
He nodded, curls moving vigorously, “Anything, anything.”  
  
His head dipped back down, arms hugging her legs as though holding on for dear life,  
“Finn as nice as this is,” Off his look, “You’re crushing my legs.”  
“Oh! Sorry!” He pulled his arms back in realisation before his hands landed on her hips, thumbs gently grazing over her clothing. Her hands cupped his face and he relaxed into it, his body loosening “I’m sorry, Bea, honestly,”  
“I know, I know.”  
They stayed within each other’s touch for a moment before Finn rose, it was now he who towered over her. A smile curled at the corners of his mouth as Bea exhaled,  
“I’m never going to get rid of you, am I?”  
“Nope.”  
Her face was covered in a flurry of kisses, giggles bouncing off of the walls. His arms hoisted her up, legs around his hips and his face buried into her neck. All was well again.


	8. Redbone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Mentions of cancer.

8.

If it wasn’t for the light movement of her chest rising and falling, Finn could’ve swore Bea was dead. He sat on his little armchair, watching. Unable to loosen the smile on his face.   
He watched her fingers twitched as they lay across her stomach, eyelashes fluttering as she dreamed. He hoped she would be dreaming of nothingness, just sleeping. Letting her catch a little break. He wanted to join her in his bed, but he was unable to settle. For it was her last night in the flat, she would be returning back to Cornwall tomorrow; Finn had found himself caught up in something he wasn’t able to get out of and so as an agreement she would spend her last night at his place. He rose, not forgetting to tuck the covers up higher and plant a little kiss on her forehead before he left for the kitchen.

He dawdled over to his kettle, automatically flicking up the switch. He mooned about, not doing anything particularly out of the ordinary. Water boiled and tea made, Finn headed for the couch; sitting back. He winced, flicking hot tea from his fingers that had been spilt before placing it on the coaster.

He didn’t want her to go, of course he didn’t. But he knew he couldn’t keep her from her family, something she had longed for since her party. It wouldn’t fair to keep her away. He looked over upon hearing the shuffling of feet, Bea appeared. Hair flying off in different directions, a t-shirt of his reaching just above her knees. He patted his chest as she slotted in, pulling down the blanket and wrapping around them both,  
“What are you doing up?” She asked through a yawn.  
“Could ask you the same.” Their voices were quiet and soft,  
“I couldn’t sleep.”  
“Me too.”  
They watched the television lazily, not really paying attention. Her eyes were heavy, opening and closing in slow blinks. Finn’s chest acted as pillow, warm on her cheeks. The feel of his heart under his skin acted like a lullaby and Bea could feel herself drifting off,  
“You all packed?”  
“Mmhm.”  
She rubbed an eye with the back of her hand as she admitted with a yawn, “I don’t want to go without you, it won’t be as fun,”  
“I know but I’ll be taking you the train station and picking you back up, so technically you’ll only be gone four days,”  
“Well when you put it like that... Promise me you’ll FaceTime,”  
A little kiss on the crown of her head,   
“I promise, just as long as you promise not to run off with some Cornish guy,”

****  
Finn had kept up his promise to Facetime her, and Bea had kept up hers to not run off with somebody. He had dropped her off at the train station the previous morning and between kisses and hugs; she was gone. But the trip to Cornwall wasn’t what she imagined, not the usual sunshine town for it had done nothing but rain. The sun had been bullied out of the sky and even the beach looked miserable,  
“I blame you for the rain, I reckon it knew you weren’t coming,”  
Finn’s laughter echoed through the phone. His hair was in desperate need of cut, refusing to be tame as it curled upwards and outwards, side ways and longways,  
“Hey, it’s not my fault I couldn’t come.”  
This was their third call of the day and the boredom was starting to eat away at her. Not even forty-eight hours had they been apart and Bea wish she could already go back home to him,  
“Is too, you could just say ‘ _Listen up, Bea needs me as she’s at risk of dying of **serious** boredom_,”  
She threw herself back onto the bed, careful of the angle to make sure he never caught glimpse of an unflattering view,  
“As much as I would love to, I don’t think that would go down very well.”  
She watched him through the screen as he pottered about his flat, catching views of the vibrant colours of the different plants and patchwork,  
“So what are you up to?”  
“Nothing much, just finishing up some paperwork. How’s it going down there?”  
“Miserable, horrible, everything in between.”  
“Come on, it can’t be that bad.”  
“You try being locked up with Theo for more than a day.”  
Another laugh. She said nothing prior to this, just simply watched him as he sat back down at the table. Propping the phone up and getting stuck back into his work. Although through a phone screen, both herself and Finn found it a little comforting. Sitting in silence together as they went about their day, sometimes they enjoyed it more than speaking,  
“So... Are you missing me yet?”  
“No, it’s been nice and peaceful.”  
“Urm rude, I’ll just hang up then shall I?  
His smile brightened up the screen, his eyes trailing along the work before him. Mouth twitching as he read the paragraphs. This was when she liked him best, deep in thought. Hair messy. Hooded sweatshirt snuggling his body. He confessed,  
“Course I miss you, as nice as the quiet has been the extra hot showers are starting to dry my skin out,”  
It took a moment for her to register before her cheeks were painted pink. There had been close calls, drunken fumbles and hot kissing sessions that were accompanied by heavy petting but they had yet to do the deed. They had done _stuff_ but just as Bea would attempt to unbutton his pants would he pull away, which confused her. He knew she wasn’t a virgin, so why the waiting? Did he not want to? His body gave him away that he did, standing to attention whenever they got touchy feely so why didn’t he, just, give in? Bea was starting to get impatient which is why she asked,  
“Finn?”  
“Hmm?”  
“When are we gonna have sex?”  
Although he didn’t look up, his fingers froze mid turning of a page. He cleared his throat before he warned,  
“I’d really rather not talk about this over Facetime, Bea,”  
“I know but it’s just,” She huffed, now sitting up, “Do you want to? I know everything isn’t about sex but I would like to get something once in a while.”  
The colouring that suddenly rose to his cheeks didn’t go amiss and he looked almost pained as he answered,  
“Of course I want to, I just want it to be special. That’s all,”  
“As flattered as I am, we’re not kids, Finn. We’re not losing our virginity, it doesn’t have to be special.”  
He threw his hands up in exasperation, “Now you tell me, there’s me absolutely sweating over it when all this time I could’ve just nailed you on the couch,”  
“Finn!”  
“I’m kidding I’m kidding but seriously, please can we not talk about this when you’re down there and I can’t do anything about it,”  
“You could always get in your car,” She hoped, playing with the tips of her hair as she lay back down,  
“Don’t tempt me.” 

“ _Dinner, Bea!_ ”  
Her eyes shot to her door as she replied she would be down, before back to Finn who was suddenly rigid, “Look I’ll call you when I’m going to bed ok?”  
“And what, give me a strip tease?”   
She smiled at this, shutting him up, “Laters Thomas.”  
“Laters Flowers.”

Bea’s phone dropped to her chest as she attempted to cool herself down before she could join her family. The heat that pooled around her stomach made her legs go numb. She hadn’t meant to have asked so bluntly, but she was growing tired of him not giving in to her advances. She just wanted to get it over with, although a taboo subject; women enjoyed it just as much as men. In fact, some craved it more than men. The misogynistic myth was nothing but a myth,

“Your dinners getting cold,”  
“Jesus mum!”  
Her body shot upright. Her breathing in short pants, “You’re gonna give me a heart attack!”  
“Oh come on, Darling, don’t being so dramatic,”  
She joined Bea on the bed, sitting on the edge, “You alright?”  
Bea debated on whether to run from the conversation, but she knew her mother had overheard more than what she should’ve. Although a lot of people would’ve collectively thought their relationship was full of overshare, Bea and her mother never thought differently of it. In fact, Bea found it strange when people at university talked of their strained relationships with their ‘rents. Although Bea didn’t tell her dad everything, she knew she could come to him in times of serious trouble,  
“It’s Finn,”  
“Trouble in Paradise?”  
“Sort’ve. We’ve... Not... You know,” She tried to word herself carefully, her stomach squirming uncomfortably, “And I’ve tried everything, I mean we’ve done, stuff, but I just thought we’d have past that now,”  
“And how longs it been?”  
“Weeks, I just thought he would’ve tried something by now,”  
“Not everything’s about sex, Darling. Maybe he’s just nervous,”  
Bea began picking at her nails as she confessed, “I know, I am too but I’m ready. I know I am, I may be shy but I’m not naive.”  
The conversation was weird, her and her mum had talked about it before. When Bea had lost her virginity and she was worried because of the blood, her lack of experience at the time had her convinced she had broken something internally. After comforting words from her mother, they never really talked about Bea’s relations again and it seemed the older she got; the more she opted to shy away from it,  
“It’ll happen when he’s ready, Darling, you need to give him time,”  
“Yes, but how long,” Bea whined, throwing herself backwards,  
“As long as it takes. Now come on, your dad and brother are eating away at their own legs.”

They rose to their feet and made their way through the house, the smell of something carby made Bea’s belly grumble. They looped arms and giggled as they talked about how hungry they were. As they reached the bottom step, a loud clatter cut their conversation short. Theo’s cries for his mum shook their legs and turned their stomachs.

****  
Bea didn’t realise just how many tears the human body could produce, but judging by the past few hours it was a lot. Her chin rested on her hand, the crisp linen of the hospital bed cold against her skin. The room was devoid of beauty as she were of hope. The heart machine the only noise that kept her company, her mother off with Theo in search of something sweet and to keep him occupied. She watched as her dad’s chest moved gently up and down, the previous hours feeling like nothing close to reality. The room had an undertone of bleach and the floor was simply grey, there were stands for intravenous drips and monitors. At the door were dispensers for rubber gloves, hand sanitizer and soap. Not a hint of colour, which made Bea understand why people brought the most bright and happy flowers there were. Despite modern technological lives there is something in our nature that required natural beauty as part of the healing process.  
Her dad had collapsed whilst serving out dinner, giving Theo enough nightmare fuel to last him a while. When her dad had grew unresponsive and his breathing become shallow were an ambulance called. Her dad, her hero. The same man who kissed her knees when she had fallen, the same man who mended her heart after it’s first break. Her everything, lying before her and it was only under the weak lighting could she see how old he had become. Had he looked this old at her party? When she was last at Cornwall? Her memory seemed to paint a different picture to what was in front of her. Thankfully, the room was private. Letting Bea grieve in peace, grieve over what was to come after the doctor had confirmed the worst,  
“Bea?”  
She turned, lifting her head and she crumbled once more upon seeing Finn. She let out a sob as she rose to her feet, her arms stretched out. Finn wasted no time into scooping her up his arms, letting her collapse into him.

****  
“It’s cancer, apparently quite aggressive too.”  
Finn and Bea were now outside, giving her a taste of fresh air. Although her lungs were filling with smoke, a contradiction to the fact her father’s lungs were failing him. Finn also now smoked a cigarette, the nicotine left a nasty taste on his tongue but it was the only that settled him after the cries of Bea on the phone had rattled his nerves.   
He was just getting ready to head on to bed when he got the call, he didn’t think twice when he packed his bag and threw himself into the car. He dreaded when he looked inside it, for he was unsure exactly what he had brought with him. He hoped it was something that could sustain him for the next few days. All that mattered was he was there, he could always buy clothing whilst in town,  
“I just don’t understand, why him. Why out of everybody in the world was it my dad,” She sniffed and Finn was unsure of what to say, his strained relationship with his father nothing compared to Bea and David’s. Something he envied,  
“Can’t they give him treatment?”  
Bea knew Finn was trying to reassure her, but she explained the cancer cells were too malignant to be cured; eating away at him from the inside out. Finn’s heart sunk, he adored David. Adored him with every fibre in his being; the man almost becoming a second father to him and it was now his own voice wavered as he said,  
“I’m so sorry, Bea,”  
Her face screwed up as she let out another sob, her head landing on his chest. 

“I just don’t get... I just don’t understand, he was _fine_ last time I saw him. Even before he served dinner last night, mum even agreed. She told me he had a little cough the past couple of weeks but apart from that, he had seemed fine. Healthy,” She moved away, flicking away the cigarette,  
“Why do bad things happen to good people, Finn? I don’t understand.”  
Neither did he, he agreed with her in his head. David didn’t deserve this, nobody did. Their family being broken was something Finn could actually sympathise with, although his weren’t as malicious as the reason being the dreaded ‘C’ Word; but he too came from a broken home. For that’s what was going to happen to Bea, a girl from a broken home. She would no longer be known as ‘Bea Flowers, the girl with the nice smile and happy to help attitude’ But ‘ Bea Flowers, the girl who lost her dad to cancer.’  
David was dying, not dead just yet, but the inevitable was coming. It looming in the background, like the stalker in a horror film. You can’t see it, but you know it’s there. Waiting.   
“I mean, I don’t know about any of this stuff. Do you go home, do the dishes? What happens next?”  
She was becoming more worked up the more she talked and Finn could feel her becoming hysterical, he pulled her into him and attempted to soothe her, the serene sounds of the hospital being disturbed by Bea’s outburst,   
“I wish I knew what to tell you, Bea, I really do but you’ve just got to be strong ok? Do it for your mum, for Theo. They need you right now more than anybody, and I’ll be strong for you alright? I’ll be strong on our behalf,”  
She nodded, wiping away her tears on her sleeves. The material was no less than soaked, and her nose itched from the roughness,   
“Thank you, Finn. I don’t know what I’d do if you...”  
“I know,” He kissed her forehead, “I know.”

****  
Her eyes blinked as her room came into view, along with tattoos. She felt a temporarily feeling of normality before it washed over her, dread curling it’s fingers around her chest and pulling her down. Her sleepy brain had somehow convinced her it was just a frighteningly realistic dream, but now as Finn came into sight with two mugs of tea - it was real. Her dad, was dying.   
“What time is it?” She croaked, her voice still trying to catch up with her brain, he gingerly placed the two cups on the beside table, sitting down in front of her, his back slightly to her,  
“Just gone half ten, we thought we’d let you sleep in,” His hand found his way to her hair as he asked, “I didn’t wake you did I?”   
“No, don’t worry.” She didn’t look at him, her body became one with the bed as she hugged her sheets to her chest. Her eyes slowly blinked in time with the turning of her alarm clock, the little digital 0 flicked into 1. Time seemed to move slow, or did it move fast? Bea wasn’t sure, for under the blankets did time seem to get lost. She couldn’t leave her bed, for the outside world wasn’t the safe place her parents had promised her it would be. She knew the world wasn’t a technicolour dream, the news reminded her of this daily, but things that she had heard of... Saw in movies... She never thought would happen to her. No, her blankets were safe. Guarding her from anything dangerous,  
“What do I do, Finn?”   
He searched her face, eyes trying to call hers over to look at him, “Wha... How do I do this?”  
“I don’t know, Bea, all I know is you’ve got me alright? I’ll help you, you, your mum and Theo. I promise” As lovely as Finn’s promises were, she didn’t want him. She didn’t want anybody, just her Dad; her usual source of protection and guidance. 

“Budge over,” He instructed, and Bea did what she was told. Turning over and letting him slot in behind her. He began to stroke her arm, watching her get lost in thought. His lips lightly resting on her shoulder, _please look at me._  
“How’s my mum is she... Is she ok?”   
“She’s alright, she’s took Theo to your aunt’s. Get him out the house whilst she goes up the hospital.”  
The word ‘Hospital’ put a strain on her chest, taking her breath away from her. She wanted to ask Finn to take her to go see her Dad but her voice didn’t seem to be working. She wasn’t sure when she had started crying but she couldn’t stop, alerting Finn. His arms wrapped tightly around, an attempt to soothe her,  
“I’m scared, Finn,” A sob, “I’m so scared,”  
His face buried into her neck, telling her he had her. Telling her she was ok, that it was all going to be ok.  
The world around her was collapsing and all she could do was lay back and watch,

****  
Finn had tried everything to draw out something out of her. He ran her a bath, took her for a walk along the beach; even tried to coax her into eating something. Helpless without Karen to guide him, telling him what to do. Her mother had been up at the hospital all afternoon, her arrival not coming any time soon. Himself and Bea were back in her room, her movements were slow as she wandered in from the bathroom. Just about enough energy to brush her teeth.   
Finn helped her climb in before moving over to the music station, setting up his phone as he scanned through his playlist to find something. The television useless as it was full of nothing but trash TV and bad news. He settled on a song he knew Bea loved. Redbone. As the dulcet beats soothed them both, he wandered over; beginning to strip and get ready for bed. The ‘No sleeping in the same room’ Out of the window. As he joined her, laying back, did his fingers start plucking at invisible string in time to the sound,  
“ _But stay woke... Mhm... creepin'_ ”   
Finn’s melodious tones hummed from beside her, his voice held a talented edge to it. Rough but not in the style in which it was awful, more wild and rock star from the 70s. Bea would hate to go up against him in karaoke for he would come up champion,   
“Is there anything you can’t do?”  
“Hmm?” He wasn’t sure what she meant by this, his eyebrows flicking up quizzically,  
“Your voice... It’s lovely,”  
He smiled at her, flattered but unsure of what to say. Fingers continuing to move. Bea just watched, allowing him to mellow out. Her eyes trailed from his jaw to his eyes, the jade colouring becoming glossy the more he relaxed. The familiar heat in her stomach bubbled the longer she stared and it couldn’t go ignored, she lifted up and planted her lips on his. And this time, he didn’t try and crawl away from her. He did, however, pull back as he asked,  
“Bea?”  
Her emotions were high. Unable to decide what she was allowed to feel. She needed to forget what was going on, just for a little while. She knew this wasn’t the right time but she needed to feel something that wasn’t sadness,   
“ _Please, Finn,_ ”  
He knew exactly what she was hinting at. His emotions also at boiling point. Bea wasn’t naïve to the fact that Finn had, had sex before, that information was evident. His knowledge and experience often intimidating her as she had no clue on most of the acts under the sex title. But this, this would be the first time it had actually meant something to him.   
He looked almost frightened as he stared at her. His eyes; wild.  
“Are you sure?” Finn’s voice, hoarse as he desperately gazed at her. She nodded at him, giving them all the consent he needed. He took her lips into his, overpowering her with his body. The two’s hands battled one another’s, trying to feel each other’s skin as much as they could. Lips, hungry. Hormones ablaze. The two’s bodies came together, the sounds of themselves now getting lost in the music.


	9. You're mad but you're magic.

Finn woke up to an empty bed, his hand spread out in search of the small body that usually accompanied him. His eyes opened as he flexed out his body in a stretch. He peeled himself from the bed, searching for his sweatpants before he could grace the house with his presence. He let out a yawn, his feet cold against the floor. The house was quiet, only his footsteps waking up old wood that creaked under his weight to be heard. His chest felt goosebumps prickle at it, alerting him of the door which led to the decking was open.  
He let out another yawn as he followed the draft, his suspicions were correct for there was Bea. Tea in her lap and a cardigan wrapped around her body, sitting down on the steps. The light was dull, either it was really early or the weather wasn’t going to be fair to them again,  
“What are you doing out here?” He lowered himself down and it was now he saw the tired eyes, confirming the sun was only just shaking off it’s dreams,  
“I couldn’t sleep, I went to see if Mum was back yet. To see if she needed anything but she’s still up there,” Bea was careful not to use the ‘H’ Word for if she avoided it, the longer she could ignore it,  
“She text me, he’s allowed to come home today. Mum told me the painkiller makes him really drowsy so he’s gotta be in a wheelchair,” She tutted, “He’d go mad if he knew, if he wasn’t dosed up. Saying how he was dying, not that he was dead,” She tried to joke, but any hints of a smile were wiped from her face.   
“What time are they back?”  
“Mum said afternoon,”  
“Do you... Do you want me to take you up there?”

Bea knew that Finn was just as lost as she, the question his way of trying to help without overly indulging in emotion with her. She could sense he was trying to change, feelings weren’t Finn’s strong point. Between the cooking and singing, allowing himself to feel was a skill he had yet to master. Plus, he didn’t want to take the spotlight off of Bea’s grieve, for although he was so wrapped up in the family - it wasn’t his place,  
“No... I just, I just want to stay here.”  
He accepted this, patiently allowing her to take all the time she needed. He did, however, want her to tell her that this would now be the right time to be with her dad. Glue herself to him, make every moment precious but if she was anything like Finn; he knew leaving her be was the best thing. He rose, leaving her alone as she sat; watching the sea. He headed for the kitchen, the smell of Bea’s tea made him crave one. He carried out the actions of making a brew, a flick of a switch and a placing the tea bag in a mug. His eyes wandered out the window, waiting for the kettle to boil.  
He thought back to last night, how Bea was so eager to feel him. Touch him. Kiss him and now she was cold towards him. He knew her mind wasn’t in the right place, not even giving him or his feelings a second thought. But he couldn’t stop himself from feeling a little put out, now craving so much as a simple hug. His eyes glanced momentarily at the clock to see it had just gone past 6 in the morning. The town would be waking up soon, mimicking his own actions of making a brew and nosing out the window; curious to what the day had in store for them.  
He cooled the tea with a simple but soft breath, bringing the drink to his lips as he took a sip. Still hot, hot enough to burn his chest. But the feeling of a hot brew burning through him helped him feel a sense of normality for just a moment. He jumped when Bea’s cup landed in the sink, not realising she had entered the room whilst he daydreamed out into the window,  
“You alright?”  
“Yeah, just was starting to get a bit cold.”  
Cutting him off again did she wrap her cardigan around herself tighter, backing into the little corner of the kitchen counter. Her body language warding off any visitors. Underneath the cuff of her cardigan, could he see her fingers play with themselves. Picking at the skin around her nail, eyes flat of anything. Lights on but nobody home,  
“I can’t be here when he comes home, Finn,” Her voice was monotone, matching her pale face, “I can’t. I can’t face him.”  
“So where do you want to go?”  
He didn’t want her to run away. He wanted to tell her to grow up and face her fears head on, for if her mother had to face it; so did she. But he knew that Karen and David hadn’t always been the adults in the family, for he remembered back to when Bea told him of when her Grandfather died and how she carried the weight of her mother’s grief on her shoulders. She was fourteen at the time. And it was now her turn to grieve, her turn to feel. Her time to be the child,  
“Anywhere, I don’t care.”  
But before he could suggest anything, she had left the kitchen. He could hear her footsteps awaken the old floorboards he had also not too long ago; signalling she was heading for bed. Back to her safe space. 

****  
With September looming, the Cornish weather was more than bitter. Finn had granted Bea’s wishes, with a blanket under one arm they were walking along the sand dunes. The marram grass caught up in the windswept coast, darkening clouds threatened to drown them in torrential rain. Not ideal weather to be walking in. They had opted for raincoats and welly boots, the fashion vastly different to a mere few weeks back. Bea’s yellow coat and red boots were loud against the grey that washed over them,  
“I’m _freezing_ ,” Bea complained as they continued to walk, arms tight into her chest trying to keep herself warm,  
“I think it’s nice, fresh,”  
“No it’s not it’s freezing.”  
“You’re the one who wanted to come out here.”  
This shut her up. Scared in case Finn forced her to go back to the house. They settled on a spot that sat in the middle of the beach. Finn put the blanket down and they plotted themselves down quickly following, scared in case the blanket ran away with the wind. Although they shared the same material, Bea might as well have been the other end of the beach. That little conversation was the most they had spoken without Bea bursting into tears or a one word answer, the tiredness that morning had led Finn believe she was warming up but it was a false alarm. Once she woke up properly, caffeine running through her system, she hadn’t said a word,  
“What are you thinking about?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Nothing? You, Bea Flowers are thinking of nothing?”  
“Mmhm.”  
This was hard to believe, for her mind was always wandering. A constant turning of a clog, never settling and her recent deep thoughts were constantly on show in her eyes. Finn was dying for something other than the light and polite conversation, for not only her but himself had lay vulnerable before her just last night. His knocked his knee against hers tenderly as he told her,  
“You can talk to me y’know, it’s what am here for.”  
“I would... If there was something to talk about,”  
He was trying to be patient, really. But between the high strung emotion and the cold shoulder, Finn’s patience was beginning to wear thin,  
“Bea, I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me,”  
She gripped her nails in between each other, fiddling. Bea wanted to speak about what was troubling her, her eyes cast towards one of the cliffs; imaging herself stepping off. It would be over in seconds, no more hurt. No seeing her Dad have to die. No nothing. For a moment, her mind went quiet and she felt a sense of comfort. The feeling of death more welcoming than having to face her reality. She wanted to let him help, unload some of the pressure off her shoulders. But every time she would try to let him, she would find herself rendered speechless. She hadn’t meant to have keep him at bay, for the poor sod involuntarily was caught up in the drama and he had been ever so patient. She braved it, unable to avoid it any longer as she asked, 

“Do you ever think about how you’ll die?”  
Finn didn’t budge, except to frown at her sudden question,  
“Not particularly no.”  
“Oh... Right,”  
“Why, do you?”  
“Sometimes,” A lie, it was all she now thought about, “I imagine it to be nice, the being dead not the dying. It must be peaceful,”  
This had cemented the conformation to Finn that Bea was also counting down the days. The word ‘Dying’ Rolled off her tongue too naturally to have been an afterthought. Would it be next week? Next month? He wanted to ask, of course he did, a little clueless apart from the fact it was an aggressive form and that no matter how much treatment you put David through; death was inevitable. Overall, her Dad was sick. Not in the simplistic way of the common cold or flu where you could trace back to where it had come from, like not drying your hair after a shower or touching a dirty surface somebody sneezed on, no this would require tests upon tests that would even have somebody perfectly healthy exhausted. Why, Finn couldn’t understand for there wasn’t a cure so why not let the man rest?  
  
“I imagine that’s what it’ll be like for Dad, no pain. No hurt... Nothing, I just can’t believe he’s gonna have to go through it,”  
“Just try not to think about it, Bea, you’ll only stress yourself out.”  
Finn, was never one for wishing the ability to take back his words. For whatever came out his mouth, a majority of the time did he mean. Aside from a few nasty spats with Bea, everything else he spoke was his truth. Apart from now, he had never wanted to reach his hands out and pull his words back in before they had got lost at sea so much. Bea looked at him, and for the first time in days something shot through her eyes that wasn’t sadness. Anger,   
“Oh thanks, Finn, poof! Wow, magic. My dad’s cured and I’m happy again, thank you so much.”  
Her sarcasm irritated him around his jaw as he felt it twitch,  
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that,”  
“Oh no don’t take it back, you meant what you said and it’s ok. Really, I mean Gosh I’d love to live in Finn land. Everything must be so _pretty_ and _magical_!” She rose to her feet and began to march off, opting to to keep as far away from him as possible. Not entirely wanting to find herself caught up in an argument,  
“Thanks for your advice, Finn, but I really could do without it.”  
She stopped as she heard,  
“You think you’re the only person who’s lost somebody?”

Finn had never spoke about whether he had lost somebody close to him before, always opting to remain private when it came to the matters of the heart and his life. Even with Bea. She knew nothing about him. She knew what his favourite colour was, yellow like hers, and that the minuscule half moon scar above his left eyebrow was from a bicycle accident when he was five. But she never knew the name of his mother, or what perfume she wore. Whether his dad read to him to help him sleep, or even whether he knew his dad at all,  
“You think you’re the only one who has been hurt by grief?”  
It was now he stood, facing her. The wind an invisible barrier that kept them apart,  
“I never said I was,”  
“Could’ve fooled me, Bea, I’ve been trying. I have, I’ve been patient but I am so sick of you making out as if you’re the only one who’s ever been through death. I get it, ok, it’s hard. It hurts, it keeps you awake at night as you stare at the clock. Waiting for that moment you’re told, that moment your life changes but you’re not the only person who’s been through it, Bea. Everybody has, so just grow up.”  
She had reached him at this point and it was then his cheek stung as her palm came into contact with it. Pinching him as the cold air accompanied her hand, it stunned him. Her eyes were drowning in the freshly wet tears that threatened to spill, her teeth gritted,  
“You, you have no idea how I’m feeling so don’t _dare_ try to act like you do.”  
He held his face for a moment before he looked at her, the darkening of his pupils swallowing the light,  
“I don’t know how you’re feeling? No? Try this on for size, you ever wonder why I don’t talk about my mum? Tell you about where she is, why she isn’t around? Because she’s dead. Gone, but it wasn’t cancer. That, I’ll give you and I can’t imagine what it’s like, watching them wither away in front of you. No, she died from an overdose. Alone, no one around her. No one looking after her, not like your dad who’ll have people making him comfortable,”

Bea’s mouth opened slightly, unable to express or find the words that could comfort Finn right now. Any feelings of anger were completely washed away by the indescribable feeling that bubbled away in her chest. Any indication that Finn’s mother was dead was never shown, for her pictures were jotted around his flat. The healthy looking woman in them never hinted at an addiction, her cheeks were round and full of life. But now, as Bea thought back, they were all baby pictures of Finn. They never reached passed the age of a toddler,

“I’m s... Ho.... When?”  
Her questioning came out in little gasps, unable to string together a full sentence. The last word drifted around them and Finn knew she wouldn’t let it go. He could see her mind was now in overdrive, the questions fighting with each other on who got asked first,  
“Does it matter?”  
She moved half a step forward, desperate to pull him into her, “Of course it does, it always matters. Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Because why would I? Why would I talk about how my mother was a drug addict? It’s in the past, it’s happened. I can’t change it and no amount of talking will bring her back,”  
“But you’re still hurting, Finn, and sometimes it’s good to talk about it.”  
He shook his head, every time he opened his mouth he got angrier with himself. At first he was tempted to swallow his nasty retort and just leave it, smile and move on. But that only made it worse. Suddenly his fingers clasped around his coat, pulling the zip down,  
“Finn, what are you doing?”  
He said nothing, furiously undressing himself until he was in nothing but his underwear; heading towards the water,  
“Finn! Stop, you’ll make yourself ill!”  
But his head disappeared under the water. This, was Finn’s way of escaping talking about his mother. Rather than getting it off his chest, he chose to bury his head under the freezing cold water. The stinging of the below freezing temperatures less painful than the grief he felt in his chest. Of course he missed his mother, he thought about her every single day. He often wondered what would she look like now, two years on. What would she be doing? Would she finally be clean, like she used to promise? Would she have a job? She never got a chance to live properly, for the problems had been around since Finn was a kid. The addict gripping her properly once Finn left home and unable to keep an eye on her,  
“Finn, please. Please get out, I promise I won’t ask anything else just _please_.”  
She pleaded as his head appeared, hair shook out and combed back. His arms moved under water, keeping him afloat,  
“Get in,” He instructed.  
She stared at him, eyes squinting to see if there was anything that hinted that he was joking. He wasn’t he was completely serious. She let out a snort and told him,  
“You’re mad.”  
“I know,” A pause, “But just trust me,”  
She was telling herself she wasn’t going to join him, her body somewhat warm under her clothing. Her hair on the back of her neck stood on edge as she watched him, never mind joining him. His eyes were stuck on her, calling her out. Bea wasn’t sure what exactly her possessed her to start unzipping her coat and beginning to undress but she was almost naked before she could stop herself,  
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,”  
Over the bobbing movement could she see a grin break out onto his lips,  
“Dive in, don’t even think about it.”  
Finn guided her with his words. The cold air set her body alight as it teethed on her skin, her underwear protected her modest and stopped her bits from completely falling off. Her foot was snatched back the moment the water pooled around it,  
“Finn, I can’t I....”  
His eyebrows raised at her, egging her on. She glanced down, wiggling her toes in the wet sand. The feeling, although freezing, felt fresh against her toes. Once allowing her feet to settle in the water, it didn’t feel all that bad and Bea knew; it was now or never. Like a plaster, rip it off. She held her breath and kicked her legs up into a run before she found herself completely succumbed to the water. Her eyes peeled open, surrendering. Little bubbles erupted from her mouth. Hair floating around her, becoming tangled in the waves. She kicked her legs and moved her arms as she attempted to get her limbs used to their new surroundings. The air that previously filled her lungs expanded with the water that completely swallowed her and for a moment; all she could think about was the water... The cold... Nothing else. Time around her seemed to still for a moment, getting lost between the movement of the sea,   
She came up for air, letting out a loud gasp,  
“Oh my _God_. It’s... So... _Cold_!”  
Finn had now swam to her side, a smile on his face. All traces of temper completely vanished, the boy she had come to adore appearing again. Her little legs kicked under the water, struggling to keep herself up right,  
“Relax, Bea, I’ve got you,”  
She felt his hands under the water as they swallowed her waist. He guided her legs to wrap around his waist, her arms automatically linking around his neck. Being able to breathe now she was steady,  
“What did you feel, when you came into that water?”  
“Frreezing!” Her teeth rattled,  
“No, what did you _feel_?”  
Her eyes searched his, unsure of what he meant. Momentarily, before it clicked and between the sub zero temperature and the way he looked at her; her body shivered as she softly told him,  
“Nothing.”

They held the moment for a second, a hand came free from her waist as he brushed her hair away from her face. There was something, from his own words that found him reprimanding himself. “Trust me.” If he wanted her to trust him, he would have to feed her some of his own. She may have been in the water with him, but that meant nothing. Just that she did what she was told, he wanted her to know he was finally willing to let somebody in other than himself,  
“Two years ago,” Off of her look did he explain, “My mum, she died two years ago. In her flat, a neighbour had found her. I’d only seen her two days before, she told me she was clean. Got herself a place, a job. But it wasn’t enough, I got the call when I was in work,”  
Bea didn’t know what to say to this, she knew the struggle it must have been for Finn to even utter the words ‘My mum’   
“Have... Have you ever talked about this with anybody before?”  
“Only James and Tim, but that’s because they were there. His family sort’ve looked after me as I became... Became unwell after it, I couldn’t get over it. I still don’t think I have,”  
“We don’t have to talk about this... If you don’t want to,”  
He shook his head slightly, little droplets running down his face,  
“I want to... I trust you, Bea, you make me see the good. That not everybody will hurt you, that you can’t do it alone,” He let a little smile out as he told her, “You’re mad, Bea but you’re magic,”

Her breathing became shallow as the moment swallowed them, captivating them. His nose brushed hers, lightly moving it against before his lips connected with hers. Her hands trailed up his face, holding it as they kissed. The kiss made them forget, forget every bit of hurt. The heavens above opened, releasing them from each other. Bea let out a giggle, her eyes blinking under the raindrops. Her teeth began to chitter, and she wasn’t entirely sure it was from the cold,  
“It’s raining,”  
“I don’t care.”  
His lips were on hers once more.


	10. I won't tell if you don't.

10.

Finn hadn’t saw Bea as much as he would of liked, for she now split her time between Cornwall and her flat - spending more of it with her parents. Finn travelled up every now and again, his visits were always short. No more than two nights, for the gym and odd jobs grew more demanding. After their kiss, in the water, Finn had wasted no time in to asking her to be his girlfriend - for it seemed it was useless not putting a label on it. Impatient with finally having a claim on her. It didn’t scare him, but the fact Bea was now almost always out of reach; he had found himself craving her company.   
Through phone calls and text messages, Finn had learnt that David was getting no stronger and as much as Finn would’ve liked to have Bea with him; he knew she was needed else where and after one heartbreaking phone call of where she had sobbed down the phone telling him that her and her mother had been trying to decide what funeral song suited David best - it wouldn’t be long before Finn received _the_ phone call. It didn’t feel right, how quickly David’s health was declining. The ominous reminder that life really was meant to be lived, tomorrow never being promised.  
Bea had text Finn to tell him that they had been down the beach today, although David was buried in blankets and layers of clothing; it was nice. And he was happy for her, knowing she had somewhat of a normal day with her family.

 _‘What have you been up to today? X”_  
Finn stared at his phone, unsure of what to say. Feeling only guilt that he had, had a more normal day than her. It had been filled with getting food in from the shops, paperwork, watching television, more paperwork and even a little nap. His fingers tapped the edge of his phone case, before he settled on telling her nothing much and leaving it at that. He wanted to tell her, but he didn’t fancy sounding like he was rubbing his day in her face. Although a few weeks prior, Bea wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. Now he knew she would be slightly jealous he didn’t feel any anxiety of how his day would go. His phone rang out, making him jump ever so slightly,

“Alright mate?”  
It was James, somebody who hadn’t seen in a while but still spoke to daily,  
“Alright, J, what’s up?”  
“Just wanted to see what you were up to and whether you fancied a catch up in The Pilgrim.”

Finn let the question hang in the air for the moment, debating whether it was a good idea. It was unfair, Bea being so far away and unable to join them. But then again, drinking and grief were never a good mix and it was probably for the best she wasn’t there. Finn wasn’t entirely sure he was allowed to enjoy himself without her, for they were a package deal. The beginning of the relationship entitled them to go wherever together before they reached the stage of wanting to be as far from each other as possible,  
“Who’s coming?”  
“Nobody, just me and you.”  
Finn had kind of hoped for this. He wasn’t ready for the questioning from anybody, where had he been? How was it going with Bea? Where was she? And the one he dreaded most of all: How’s her dad? James was like Finn in that respect, more bothered about his beer than to make conversation. The invite was more of finding a drinking buddy than someone he actually wanted to converse with. Finn told James he’d be there, lips parched for a pint and his mind to shut off a little while.   
As the call had come to an end, did another text come through from Bea. Finn frowned at it. His mind already began conjuring up excuses that he would tell her later on why he hadn’t text her back. For not wanting tell her at that moment in time, another rubbing in her face that he was living his life - without her. What could he say? _‘Hi Babe, I hope you’re having a lovely time with your dying dad. I’m off the pub text you later X’?_ Of course not. He shook his head, telling himself it was fine. She wouldn’t mind,

But if that was the case then why did he find himself putting his phone into his pocket, on silent.

****  
The Pilgrim was a lot quieter now people were back full time into work, kids back in school and people buried under the mountain of university work they had actively chose to ignore over the summer. That was one thing Finn was relieved that Bea didn’t have to worry about, for she would be graduating come the following month. She had received her results just two weeks ago, and passed with a 2:1, which her family were so proud of. 69% pass, higher than most on her course.   
Finn and James were glued to one of the television screens that had been set up around the pub. Their eyes moving with the little ball that was kicked about. It was nice that James and Finn were not really talkers, more grunts and head nods. Finn’s eyes were beginning to blur, the beer swimming through his blood stream. He glanced at the table and it was now he had noticed the beer glasses that covered most of the table. Was he on his fourth? His fifth? He wasn’t sure. The pub let out a groan upon seeing one of the players in blue had missed the penalty, a chance to beat the opposing team,  
“Awful, just awful,” James groaned into his hands, the drink now taking effect on him too,  
“Moment of silence for the fallen goal,” Finn’s hand landed on James shoulder as they mockingly bowed their heads in prayer before breaking apart to laugh. Their laughter was genuine and for the first time in a while, Finn felt happy. Normal, not treading on egg shells in case his laughter came off as insensitive. James tipped his head back, swigging the last of his drink before he asked Finn through a burp,  
“’Nother one?”  
Finn nodded, his lips suddenly dry. As James left the table, Finn’s head bobbed to the music that was now played. Signalling the game was over, and conversation throughout the pub had picked up again. Feeling lost without somebody with him. But he wasn’t left for too long, for now Stacey’s lips landed on his cheek,  
“Hey Stranger,”  
“Stace, what are you doin’ here?”  
“You’re drunk,” She giggled as she took a seat,  
“How coul’ you tell?”  
“You’re happy.”  
This caused him to frown, forgetting people were used to him being a grump. Always frowning. He watched as she glanced around him, he peeked behind him before asking what was she looking at,  
“It’s a first, seeing you without the little one. Where is she?”  
“Oh! Bea.... She’s... She’s at Cornwall,”  
He found himself fiddling with a beer mat, guilty that thoughts of Bea were forgotten in the bubbles of his drink. And there it was, the head tilt and the,  
“How is she?”  
Finn moved his hand side to side, the universal hand signal for ‘Okay but not okay.’ So-so. He had hoped this would be the end of the conversation. But he knew Stacey enough to know she would try and get something out of him. He usually didn’t mind Stacey, they had been friends for as long as the other could remember. Meeting through him bouncing a flyaway ball off her head on a sunny June afternoon in the park, sparking a friendship when he asked for the ball back. But the protection of his girlfriend had him shutting down once Stacey said,  
“I’ve text her, telling her I’m thinking of her but obviously I understand why she hasn’t text back,”  
“She’s fine, don’t worry about it.”  
He found himself ripping at the edges of the beer mat the longer he sat, bits of the cardboard coming apart in his hands. With being out of reach for what felt like forever, Finn’s social skills with anybody besides Bea and her family were a little rusty. Don’t get him wrong, not everything was doom and gloom with the Flowers family. Although David was floating away in the land of make believe thanks to endless painkillers he was fed, Bea and Karen watching him constantly, he kept in high spirits. Laughing and joking when he wasn’t sleeping, keeping bits of himself alive that weren’t being eaten by his illness.   
“When is she home next?”  
“Sometime next week, I’m going up there first to spend the night then we’ll be coming back together.”  
A pint came into view and Finn gratefully took it, the foam filling his mouth and washing down pleasantly. James being the saviour once more. Stacey’s attention was captivated by him, and Finn relaxed. The two couldn’t deny it, the sadness that they had found themselves being more acquaintances currently than best friends joining at the table. Stacey had also been around the time of Finn’s mothers death, and even before so. Stacey’s family home like a second home to him every time his mother would pass out from the latest batch that coursed through her veins. So why he couldn’t talk to her about Bea, he didn’t know. He wanted to, he really did. But without his girlfriend around he wasn’t sure exactly how much he could let Stacey know.   
Bea, he missed her. His hand slid into his pocket as he retrieved his phone and he couldn’t stop himself from pouting upon seeing just the bog standard screen saver. For, he had been so used to his previous flings and Situationships hammering his phone whenever he joined his friends in the boozer. So, for Bea not to send so much as a question mark upon his absence truly unsettled him,  
“I’m going for a slash.”  
He mumbled, eyes still down cast on his phone. He weaved in and out the crowd, finding a dark corner where he could get some privacy. He put a finger to his ear and his phone to the other, listening for the sound of her voice,  
“Bea?”  
“Finn? Are you alright?”  
“I miss you,”  
“Finn? Finn, I can’t hear you!”  
“I-I said I miss you!”  
“Where are you?”  
He pulled his phone forward, snarling it with annoyance. He huffed as he headed to outside,   
“Can you hear me now?”  
The cold instantly made him regret not grabbing his jacket,  
“That’s better, you alright?”  
His courage to admit he missed her suddenly left him, staying inside. His feet kicked gently at the floor as they played with loose gravel and stone,  
“I... I was just calling to check if everything was okay. Check if you were okay.”  
“Are you drunk?”  
He froze for a moment. Surely he enunciated his words clearly enough to not give any indication that he was anything but sober, the drink had clouded his judgement and he felt stupid for believing he could possibly pass for so much as tipsy,  
“How did you know?”  
“I can smell your breath through the phone.”  
He smiled at this, relieved her voice hadn’t bellowed out that he was selfish for daring to enjoy himself whilst she suffered. There was a lingering quiet, Finn glanced around to see nothing but smokers collect around the entrance. Their free hand cuddled to themselves, feet moving slightly in an attempt to keep themselves warm,  
“So... Where are you?”  
Finn moved to around, searching for a corner in the dark where he could go unnoticed. The rough gravel of the bricked wall underneath his finger pads, steadying himself,  
“Only The Pilgrim, James invited me out. Stacey’s just got here, she’s been asking about you,”  
Finn held his breathing, his ears pricking up for any signs of annoyance. But Bea didn’t seem to mind, in fact her tone sounded as though she were encouraging him to go and enjoy himself,  
“Yeah... She text me. I felt really rude ignoring her, but... I just don’t feel in the mood to talk to anyone right now,”  
“Even me?”  
Her small laughter rang out and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling in time and tune with it,  
“I couldn’t ignore you if I tried, so you having a nice time?”  
“Mmhm, bit boring though. James really isn’t a talker,”  
“Sounds familiar.”

His body swayed slightly as he tried to hold himself upright, the building his only support. He felt a sense of comfort, the phone pressed against his ear. Although he wanted nothing more than it to be physically her, her voice had something of a similar effect. Intoxicating him,   
“Bea?”  
“Yes?”  
“Are you mad at me? For going out?”   
His voice was small and he wasn’t sure she had heard him. For the quiet that followed wasn’t the answer he’d hoped for. His heart dropped as she told him she was absolutely furious, how dare he enjoy himself, etc. As he automatically went to apologise, he was stopped by giggles,  
“Finn I’m kidding, I don’t mind. You can have a life outside of me too you know.”  
In the light of everything, Finn had forgotten himself and Bea weren’t one person. The fact she encouraged him to live a normal life for them both softened him, for she didn’t want him to lose himself in the relationship. Alienate himself from daily life he knew.   
“You really are the perfect girlfriend aren’t you,” He drunkenly admitted, not sure how he had found himself so lucky. For like it was said, most girls who hadn’t even been allowed into his bed would’ve told him to piss off and that they hoped he choked on his drink.  
“Maybe not perfect, but I’m not far off.”  
He smiled, more relieved than anything,  
“I miss you, Bea, I’m so bored,” He whined, the fresh air more stronger than his pint. Childish tones sounded out between them,  
“Yeah yeah, I know. Look, enjoy yourself yeah? Alls well up here, do me a favour and have a shot on me.”  
He tried to ignore the fact she had skipped over saying she missed him back. Well didn’t she?   
“I will, I miss you Flowers,”  
“I know. I’ll talk to you later Thomas.”  
Again, not telling him whether she missed him back. But before he could start the teasing and flirty ways of finding out whether she missed him too, the dial tone bleeped in his ear. He pressed the phone against his forehead, holding it close as if it were her. He lightly tapped it against himself as he mumbled,  
“ _What are you doing to me, Bea?_ ”

“She has that effect on you doesn’t she?”  
Finn teetered slightly as he turned around, spotting a figure which stood on the small wall. A cloud of smoke drifting gently around him. His nose and eyes were faintly illuminated a red before back into darkness,  
“I... I’m sorry?” Finn’s face flickered, eyes squinting to see if there was any hint he knew the stranger,  
“You’re Finn right, Bea’s boyfriend?”  
Finn’s shoulders straightened, suddenly alert. He could feel his infamous frown crease deeply. The stranger continued smoking, the boost of the wall had his height make Finn feel inferior. But he got his back up, asking,  
“Have we met before?”  
The darkened figure said nothing, huffing out a little puff of smoke before casually flicking the cigarette away. He hopped down and it was now Finn noticed he was quite small. Well smaller than he anyhow. Finn could see through the dark that the man was rather good looking, a boyish charm around his jaw. Him being confident in himself enough to admit it,  
“I’m Bea’s last victim,”  
“Tom?”  
“Ah, so she’s spoke of me has she? I’m shocked.”  
 _Bea’s last victim_... The surprise of Bea talking about him... So many questions. So little words. Finn watched, there was something about the bitter tone in Tom’s voice that awoken Finn’s annoyance. Little flickers in his mind of where Finn flattened him like roadkill flashing. All he can do was exhale in little short puffs, giving Bea’s past lover a bloody nose not going down all too good keeping him from swinging his fist forward. He had promised her no more fighting, no more spats. No more old Finn, but surely just one little punch wouldn’t hurt right? It would hurt Tom, obviously, but surely if there was no mention of it to Bea then surely it was okay? One little punch and it would be then he would turn over a new leaf, a new man. Just one,  
“Well why wouldn’t she?”  
Tom snorted, “Question is, why would she? We were almost like you, Finn, an almost relationship. She even took me to meet her mum and dad, her little brother. They’re nice aren’t they, welcomed me with open arms,”  
Finn’s mind traced back to Bea’s conversation with Jane and it was only now he could applaud her for keeping so calm. For now every part of his body burned as he tried to stop himself from splattering blood against the pavement, smack his head off the bench that was burnt with cigarette marks and stained from the past drinks that had been split on it,  
“Look, mate, whatever this is. I don’t really care for it, Bea’s moved on I think it’s about time you do as well,” Finn brushed past him. He thought of Bea, her skin. Her smile. The way her nimble fingers combed through his hair, he almost reached inside; he could taste his pint,  
“She done that special tongue trick on you yet? I taught her that.”

Finn could hear Tom’s laughter threaten to play, seeping through his words. Goading him _._ Finn’s eyes squeezed tight, his back curling up. His knuckles white as his hand clasped tightly around the brass door handle; the metal cool against his palm. Unlike his body which felt alight with temper, he turned around as he pressed; egging Tom to invite him to fight. It wouldn’t be Finn’s fault if Tom started it,  
“What did you say?”  
Tom knew he had him, right where he wanted. The twinkle of delight and the smug grin on his face taunted Finn, _come on let’s hear you roar_ ,  
“I said, she’s a sensational shag isn’t she? Her hands are-”  
He was cut off by Finn storming over and lifting him by his collar, his back hitting the wall in a harsh thud. His air supply coming up short as Finn’s arm now pressed into his throat,  
“Come on,” He gasped, “Hit me, I can’t wait till I tell Bea how her boyfriend gave me a good smack,” Another gasp, “I’m sure she’d coming running, a shoulder to cry on,”  
Finn’s hands gripped Tom’s collar as he dragged him into him, before letting out a war cry as he threw him to the floor. The two began scuffling on the ground, battling dominance as they began to fight. Tom landed one clean punch on Finn’s jaw, sending him onto his back. The alcohol making Finn’s movements lazy, but not enough to completely stop him from landing hits. The fight was a choreographed dance of destruction, both trying to have the upper hand. Two hands gripped Finn’s shoulders pulling him away and up to his feet, he tried to scramble away; desperate to reach Tom,  
“Let go James!”  
Tom now moved to his feet, spitting blood out of his mouth. Red ran from his nose, his body stiff from the contact. Apart from an already bruising jaw, Finn had got off lightly. Drunk but still skilled enough to crack his opponents nose,  
“What’s happened?”  
James struggled to contain Finn, who threw his body weight in a tantrum; craving blood. Tom straightened himself and smirked as he said,  
“Finn’s just destroyed his relationship, for once I tell Bea what’s happened. I’m sure she won’t want to be with a violent psycho,”   
Finn’s tempter flared once more, James acting quickly as he blocked his friend from acting out anything further,  
“Piss off, mate,”  
James told Tom, who’s breathing grew heavier as the pain was already hitting his body. James stared Tom down, warning him to leave. Tom hung around for a moment, spitting at the ground as more blood filled his mouth; lucky to still have his teeth. He told Finn ‘Psycho’ Before swanning off, a little hobble in his movement. James watched, making sure Tom was out of sight before he turned to Finn. Who was sat on the wall, trying to catch his breath,  
“Finn? What was that about?”  
Finn said nothing, furious that he had let his temper get the better of him. His mind wouldn’t shut up, words from Tom haunting him. He wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, a small blackout caused by the anger and the drink. He just remembers feeling his chest split open in fury... His hands getting wrapped up in Tom’s t-shirt... Blood... So much blood,  
“I... I don’t know what happened, he started talking about Bea... I just... I lost it,”  
He shook his head, furious with himself. His temper reminding him he was a slave to it. He flinched as James’s hand gripped his shoulder, a comforting touch guiding him to a state of calm,  
“It’s alright, mate, it happens,”  
He pushed the hand away, rising as he huffed,  
“But it shouldn’t have... I promised her... I promised Bea, I wouldn’t. I....”  
He couldn’t catch his breath, disappointment tightening his chest. His knees wobbled, warning him if he didn’t sit down he would fall. His hands covered his face, rubbing it before they combed through his hair as they linked at the nape of his neck. The realisation setting in him knocking him sideways,  
“I’ve fucked it, James, I’ve fucked it.”  
“Finn, mate, do you really think Bea’s gonna care? She adores you, she knows what you’re like. Surely if you explained to her, she’ll understand.”  
Finn shut him up by shaking his head, knowing in his heart she wouldn’t. The disappointment Finn braced himself for hurt him. Her face, twisting up in anger when Finn would tell her what he had done. Between the happenings of Cornwall and Finn’s mistake, he knew it wasn’t fair to her. Fair that she now not only had to worry about her dad, but now Finn who seemed unable to control himself,  
“Don’t tell her,”  
Finn eyed his friend, who had implied sometimes the truth hurts more than a lie,  
“I can’t, I can’t lie to her. She’ll hate me,”  
“She won’t. If you tell her you got caught up between me and someone in the pub. She’ll think you were stupid, granted, but she’ll understand you were just being a good mate,”

Footsteps were heard as a body came into light underneath the security spotlight. Stacey,  
“Browning just told me there was a fight, are you two alright?”  
“Yeah, some man tried it with me. He was pissed,”  
And so it began, the feeding of the lie. If Stacey knew, she wouldn’t hesitate to open her mouth and tell Bea if it came up; their alibi in place. Either she opted to be ignorant to the state Finn was in or she really was quite clueless, she ignored the reddening of Finn’s jaw and torn up clothes,  
“There’s always one, isn’t there,”  
Her eyes flashed towards Finn, and either he was imaging with hope or she really told him silently as he read,  
_I won’t tell if you don’t._


	11. Tea and Tears.

11.

Finn had been quiet, too quiet. Bea had hoped that it was just a nasty hangover keeping him at bay, but not even a simple morning text had been received and she knew something more sinister was at play. Stacey had called her, asking all the right questions before confessing Finn had found himself in a little scuffle - secretly putting it lightly - and that Bea had nothing to worry about. Although she thought he was stupid, she knew he was just acting out the role of chivalrous friend. Nothing to go on at him about, she thanked her mum as her hands curled around the mug; little drifts of tea steam floated up towards her,  
“How’s dad?”  
“Asleep, the morphine’s just kicked in.”  
Her dad was the main topic of conversation it would seem, whether it be her mum talking about his latest hospital trip or people she passed in the street asking about him. She couldn’t catch a break, she almost found herself lost of herself. Her identity was no longer, for all people seemed to care about was her dad - some just wanting to nestle in on the gossip. She knew she was being selfish, for it wasn’t David’s fault but sometimes she wished just somebody would ask how she was feeling or had she been reading anything new lately. Focus on her, for a change,  
“Is it wrong to say I miss Theo?”  
Theo, somebody who Bea knew wouldn’t ask. His childish youth had him ignorant to the seriousness, Bea could only envy him. Her mum had sent him on his way to live with their aunt, and he was happy for the change of scenery. The beach was getting boring, there was only so many sand castles you could build and the water was too cold. Her mum let out a laugh,  
“No, even I’m starting to miss him leaving his games everywhere.”  
The house was kept in a perpetual state of tidy, with Bea’s anxiety and Theo’s messy touch out of sight keeping it clean.   
Her mother stared at her, whilst Bea gazed forward,  
“You look exhausted,”  
“I am, I can’t remember the last time I slept properly,” She admitted with a weak laugh. Her head rested on her hand as she leaned into the couch. Bea really couldn’t think back to when she had, had a peaceful night’s sleep. Any movement in the house waking her, and whenever she was back in her flat or Finn’s; the anxiety being so far away would disturb her,  
“Why don’t you go have a little nap?”  
Bea shook her head, smiling softly, “I’ll be fine, honestly.”  
Her mother’s hand began combing through Bea’s hair, the familiarity making her eyes grow heavy,   
“Your hair’s gotten longer,”  
“I know, it needs cutting,” She mumbled, somewhere between the tea and touch did she find herself suddenly tired. The tender and loving moment shared between herself and Karen wouldn’t been seen under anybody else’s watch. For it was only acted out in the privacy of their own home.  
It was then sudden tears sprang to her eyes, between the tiredness and the sweet words of her mother; she couldn’t help herself. Her mother didn’t attempt to coddle her, just continue to stroke her hair. Allowing her to feel, let it out,  
“I’m so tired, mum,” She exhaled, trying to calm herself. She used the sleeve of her jumper to dry her face. Her mum pulled back her hand for a moment, only to take the mug of tea from her daughter; knowing it would be split between the tears. Bea then brought her hands to her face as she began to sob, her shoulders shaking the harder she cried. She hadn’t cried like this for a while, not wanting to be a burden to her family. She had held her chin high and her shoulders back. _We Flowers don’t cry, kid, put that lip away. Be brave_ would her granddad tell her, whether it be when her grandmother died or if she scraped her knee. All she now was, was sadness, every other emotion pushed away from her being. Where there was the love, the light, the laughter was an aching hollowness. Bea was once honest, truthful and full of more love for life than you could ever understand. She had been soft, kind and gentle but now she was nothingness; the sadness a part of her identity. Her mother’s arms swallowed her small body, the lack of food and sunlight causing Bea to wither away with her father, pulling her into her did her chin rested upon the crown of her hair. Bea’s sobs muffled as she buried her head into the pillow that she found herself cuddling. This was all she had wanted, somebody holding her. Telling her it was okay to cry and that she wasn’t alone.

And for the first time, Bea had fallen asleep peacefully.

****  
Bea wasn’t sure how or when she had fallen asleep but it was daylight, the sunlight poured through the blinds of the living room. Her tea, cold on the coffee table and the blanket; tucked in around her. A pillow underneath her head. And there it was, the feeling of normality that lasted for a moment. The dread then followed, she let out a dark sigh into her hands before she rubbed her eyes; waking them properly. She sat upright, the blanket drifting from her lightly downwards as it peeled it self free of her. The house was silent, signalling her mother was still asleep or was out doing something to distract her. Bea decided the morning could wait for a moment, for she sat with her head in hands as the guilt crippled her. The tears she had cried to her mother... How incredibly selfish of her, Karen had her enough on her plate with worrying about whether her daughter was depressed or not.   
_“Get a grip, Bea.”_  
She was angry with herself. She exhaled into her hands, telling herself that she needed to stop. Emotions were getting the better of her, she rose to her feet and let out a yawn as she headed for upstairs. Her phone battery dead, she froze upon seeing her parents’ bedroom door open a crack. The darkness taunted her, she had yet to go in and see him properly in his room. The blankets and clothing they wrapped him in when they took him along the beach shielded her from the truth. Only her mother was brave enough to sleep beside him, or even talk to him in there. She knew, in her heart, now would be the time to spend with him. Find out stuff she never knew, reminisce on memories; whether he had told her a million times before. But she wanted to keep the image of her dad as the picture of her health. She told herself she would go in later, she had to,  
“Bea?”  
Her foot arched slightly off the ground, mid movement. Her breathing stilled, she cursed the old floorboard that they had been meaning to get fixed,  
“Yeah?” She croaked, unsure of what he was going to ask her,  
“Come here.”

She held still for a moment. She most definitely did not want to do what was asked of her, she had only been in once; asking if he wanted a cup of tea. But she had barely made it past the doorway, before she scurried off and back to the safety of her mother. She knew how he sort’ve looked, from their little outings to the beach or the front porch. But seeing him in the room... It was different. Her fingers hovered over the door, spreading out as she braced herself to push it. _Like a plaster, rip it off._ The door creaked as she gently opened it, peeking inside. The room was dark, the only light being the one that seeped through a gap in the curtains; anything else gave him a headache. The faint beeping of the miniature heart and different type of machines that one of the cancer nurses who helped out set up shook her knees. Her chest tightly crushing her heart,  
“Dad?”  
The little shadow moved under the bed covers, the crinkling sound replicating those up at the hospital,  
“Move this pillow would you, kiddo? My back hurts.”  
She could see he was uncomfortable and it took a moment for her to begin to move. She was slow, edging towards the bed. It was now she saw him, properly for the first time. He looked... Old. All muscle he had built up over the years faded away, the grey that he would often joked that made him look distinguished aged him terribly. His cheeks sunken into his face, all traces of any bit of handsome he had left now gone. The old man that lay there, she didn’t recognise, fatigue engraved on his worn face. His eyes, the only thing left of him that was alive. Still her dad,  
“Yeah, which one is it?”  
  
_We Flowers don’t cry, kid, put that lip away. Be brave._  
David scooted his body forward slightly, his bones groaning and creaking with the movement. Bea found the culprit and fluffed it up, arranging it. The smell of medicine and different chemicals tickled her nose, but not in the pleasant way like Finn’s aftershave or freshly cut grass. This teased her, taunting her. Reminding her of why they were there. Her dad sunk back into the pillows, she asked him was there anything else he needed as she backed off. His weak hand gripped her wrist, gently pulling her back,  
“Come on, kiddo, sit with me. I’m bored, could do with a laugh.”  
She didn’t want to. She really didn’t want to, she wanted to tell him she couldn’t. But, where her words failed her; her body didn’t. Obeying her dad, she sat perched on the edge. Close, but not too close,  
“So, how are you and Finn?”  
She knew her dad was aching to be normal, ask questions that didn’t involve ‘What’s this?’ ‘When is my next appointment?’ Just something ordinary,  
“We’re okay. I think, I haven’t really spoke to him today.”  
“Ooh trouble in lover’s paradise ay,”  
She smiled gently at him, her eyes softening as she looked at him. Curled up on his side, one hand tucked under the pillow and the other resting on top of it; his eyes drooped. Lazy blinks,  
“Want me to let you sleep?”  
Bea searched his face, begging him to say yes. He shook his head gently,   
“No, you’re alright. Where’s your mother?”  
“I don’t actually know, I thought she was with you to be honest,”  
“That bloody women, typical.”  
He joked with this, and Bea tried her hardest to give him something but she couldn’t. Her heart ached just looking at him, she turned away; desperate to stop herself from becoming overwhelmed with emotion,  
“Heyy, kiddo, what’s the matter?”  
She sniffed, turning back to him,  
“I’m sorry, dad, I’m sorry. I just... I can’t believe this is happening,”  
Her tears calmed, her breathing deep as she wiped away her tears before she looked back down at him,  
“I’m sorry, I’m just so sad. I’ll be okay though, I have to be,”  
His hand reached forward and Bea wanted to pull back, trying to avoid the cannula that was now in permanent place, drip feeding him different pain killers. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, the gesture a little stiff, for the lack of movement prevented him from touching her the way he used to.  
“It’s okay to be sad, Bea,”  
“But you aren’t, and so if you don’t cry I won’t,”  
“You think when I first found out I didn’t cry?”   
She looked at him, the thought of her dad being frightened and crying never crossed her mind. For, he was always the picture of strength in hers. Her protector,  
“Did you?”  
“Like a baby,” He smiled, rolling his eyes as if it were obvious, “I was frightened, at first but then I thought about it. I thought, I’ve done everything. I’ve been around the world, now the only adventure I have yet to go on was dying,” The word ‘dying’ Stung Bea, “And as much as I would’ve liked to have squeezed in another little trip somewhere, life has other plans.”   
And this was Bea’s cue to cry. Tears coated her reddening cheeks, her face swelling with the emotion that washed over her. Although she couldn’t understand how her dad was so calm, she was glad he was at peace with what was to come.   
“But why you, dad? Why you?” She sniffed, leaning down to cuddle into his chest. She would describe her sadness like death by a thousand paper cuts, for every time she remembered her up and coming loss it was another cut to her already damaged mind. None were enough to kill her, but overtime their accumulation bled her of the humanity she had once had. She once was gregarious and generous natured, now she was just gaunt and melancholy.  
“Because, kiddo, sometimes our lives are cut short when we’ve done everything we need to do. I’ve had two beautiful kids, I’ve now retired. There’s nothing left for me here,”  
“There is, there’s me a-and Theo an-”  
She was now sat up, pleading with him. Her cries being cut short as his hands placed on each side of her face, holding her, “Who will be fine. I may not be there physically but I’ll always be around. You couldn’t get rid of me even if you wanted to,” He exhaled a tiny laugh through his nostrils, but Bea couldn’t so much as fake a small smile, “You’re so brave, Sweetheart,” His thumb attempted to wipe away the wet, but it wouldn’t stop. Her eyes closed as she breathed in the feeling of his hands on her face, “You’re special, don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. And I promise I won’t pop my clogs until after your graduation,” This, she laughed at. Wiping away tears in between. She looked at him, through the thick devastation that streamed down her cheeks and her lip wavered once more,  
“I love you, dad, what am I going to do without you?” Her head found his chest once more, he tried his best to cuddle her. The drowsy effect and the different bits of machinery sticking out of him proved this to be difficult. But they made it work,  
“Do what you always do, be my bumble Bea.”


	12. The country house.

After getting over the initial fear of being in the ‘Death Room’ Bea now spent more time in there than her own mother who couldn’t get a look in. Karen would often peak through the gap in the door, seeing Bea nestled into her father’s chest; whether it to be reminisce or to show him something funny on her phone. Or even to just sit there, Karen never intervened; just simply smiled and left them alone.   
Finn and Bea hadn’t really spoken over the week, just little texts here and there. Finn opted to avoid Bea, physically, even ducking out last minute from visiting the coast. Not even did he offer to pick her up from the station when she returned home, but his fears would have to be faced for tonight it was Stacey’s birthday and everybody would be going; including himself and Bea.   
It was to be held in an old country house that was soon to be demolished. Stacey’s dad was a property developer and would be knocking down the estate to make way for a new food store chain. So, as an agreement her dad allowed her to use the place for a blow out - meaning anything went.   
Bea’s legs shivered in the evening air, the large house was already alive. House music thumping against the walls and shadows danced under the strobe lights. A few people who had reached their limit were slumped around outside, sloppily smoking cigarettes or simply passed out. She took the chance to turn up with Malik and Sarah, her boyfriend and the rest of their friends already inside. They huddled together after climbing out of the taxi, dodging passed out partiers on the steps on the way in.   
The air around them was muggy, fogging as smoke and sweat came together. Bea and the other two smiled, nodding along to the music. Although the place was beyond trashed, the feel good music and the happy vibes were infectious. A cold beer was handed to them as Stacey appeared, almost as though she had sensed they were there. There was something about the chewing of gum and the colour in her eyes being swallowed that made Bea nervous,  
“ **Guys! I’m so happy you’re here!** ”  
Malik pulled Stacey in, asking something as he pointed at him and Sarah. Stacey pulled back and nodded, directing with her fingers to follow. Through the music did Sarah’s words come out soundless, but Bea got the gist that they would be back shortly. She let them go, she knew enough people here to find company. Her head bopped as she walked through the crowd, slightly shuffling her feet as the beats took over her movement. Her hand lifted to wave at some, others she smiled at. Some she didn’t know exactly but she knew they were friends of Finn; becoming his girlfriend entitled you to being somewhat a celebrity among the locals. Everybody knew you, but you didn’t know everybody.   
Bea’s lips moved slightly as she mouthed the words to herself. Somebody let out a dog whistle down her ears and she flinched. The strobe lighting fluttered and blinded her sense of sight, her body knocking into others but between whatever they had taken and the music; they didn’t pay her any notice. She felt as though she had overestimated just how many people she knew, for everybody looked similar under the dark lights and fooled her into thinking it was people she was friends with. Her eyes searched the crowd frantically and her chest fluttered with hope upon seeing James and Tim, stood by what appeared to be DJ decks; the guy who manned the music wore an accessory that appeared to be popular in the party - sunglasses. His head bent down as he got lost in the music.   
She paved a path as she pushed forward, eager to give her friends a cuddle for it had been a while since she had saw them both.   
It was then she saw him the closer she got, back turned to her. But she’d know Finn’s posture and back of head anywhere. She came into view and Tim was the first to spot her, waving. He then nudged Finn with an elbow. His back straightened and he twisted himself around, standing tall. Eyes hid behind novelty sunglasses that were being used as a joke, it was now she noticed the dark mark across his jawline. She let out a whistle, her fingers traced over it gently. He flinched, awaiting the telling off but she surprised him as she commented over the music, standing on her tip toes an attempt to get ear level,  
“ **Sexy,** ”  
“ **I know.** ”  
She took her attention off him and engulfed the other two in a hug, squashing them all together. Telling over the music how much she’d missed them. As they pulled apart they started chatting animatedly over the sound, trying to squeeze in as much as they could over the thudding bass. Malik came up from behind, arms wrapped Bea’s neck. Sarah and Stacey trailed behind. He let out a cheer and began to move his hostage’s body with his own. Her arms came up into the air, the gang bar Finn followed suit as they all let the rhythm take over. The talking could wait.  
James let out a dog whistle between two fingers, moving his body in time to the music. Finn leaned against the wall as the little group moved deeper into the crowd; his eyes never off Bea as she danced. He had pushed the sunglasses to the top of his head, in order to get a better view. He sipped his beer bottle, unsure of when was the right time to join them. She caught his eye and wiggled a finger at him, calling him over. He debated it for a moment before he playfully grinned with an eye roll, pushing himself off the wall and did what he was told. Through the crowd he could see her, but with the drink in him; his legs were sluggish. Almost like the crowd had parted and a spotlight was on her, time seemed to slow. The smile... The soft smile that warmed him on the inside. Or was that the drink? Whatever it was, he never wanted it to go away,  
“ **You took your time,** ”

He smiled lazily at her as his arms slid to her lower back, careful not to spill his drink, his eyes lost in hers. The drunken and drugged up party-goers completely oblivious to the two lovers, letting them have their moment. Her hands slid to his chest, careful and soft. His nose brushed hers, hovering his lips; awaiting for consent. It was given by her lips on his, they were home. His lips puckered slightly as she pulled away, she leaned in to his ear as she shouted,  
“ **We need to talk!** ”

He pulled back, frowning. It took a moment for the alcohol to allow the words to travel from his ear to his brain before it registered. Although his heart was going two to the dozen at the statement, he allowed her to take his hand and guide him in search of something more private. They got caught up in brief conversation whenever they passed friends but they eventually reached the stairs and made hast, careful of not being captured by anybody else. Finn’s eyes moved in sync with Bea’s backside as it swayed, her shorts teased him _take me off Finn... Take me off Finn..._  
Their eyes glanced around before Bea made the first move, opening the door and heading on in. The sound in the room quiet compared to downstairs. The music vibrating the floor, Finn was behind her, closing the door and began as he placed his bottle down on the chest of drawers,  
“Bea I-”  
“No talking,”  
Her fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt, pulling her into him as she began to kiss him. Following her orders, he guided her towards the bed. The back of her thighs hit the wooden frame and she fell back, Finn following after her. His body overpowering hers.

****  
“I shouldn’t come up to Cornwall more often,”  
Time had passed and the noises of sex were sounded off by the music and growing party. Finn was buttoning up his pants, Bea; her shorts. She let out a laugh,   
“Maybe you shouldn’t.”  
In the moment of hormones, Bea and Finn had forgotten the awkwardness of not being in contact. But it appeared again and the couple were unsure of their next move. She made it first as she shoved her hands into her back pockets,  
“Finn? What were you going to say before... You know,”  
“Oh,” He grew uncomfortable, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit shitty lately,”  
She smiled softly, telling him it was ok with a kiss. She knew life had been busy for them both. He accepted this, taking his beer bottle back in his hand. Telling her if they didn’t want a search party, they were to head on back down. And so they did, the number in ravers had risen. Even the landing upstairs now hard to move from, Finn’s hand gripped hers as he lead through and down the stairs. As they reached the bottom step, she pulled him down and told him she was going for a smoke. He nodded, telling her he’d be somewhere in the crowd.  
The two departed from one another, Bea watched as Finn’s head got lost in the crowd before she headed outside. The cold nipped her legs and cheeks. She let out a shiver, crossing her arms to cuddle herself as she moved down the stone steps. She reached in her pocket for the bits she needed, lighting her cigarette in one movement. Her feet danced slightly as she kept herself warm. More people who she vaguely knew passed her, both too cold to give one another anything more than a smile as a greeting,

“Hey Stranger.”  
Tom. He appeared from behind a bush, his own cigarette dangling from his lips which he light quickly before joining her side. They two lightly air kissed each other’s cheeks, although not the best of friends; they were still amicable towards each other. Half of Tom’s face was light up the security light, the other hidden by darkness. Keeping Bea from the truth,  
“You been alright?”  
He nodded, before asking how her dad was,  
“Alright, just taking his time.”  
Another nod of acknowledgement. They didn’t speak after this for a moment, what were they supposed to say? Tom looked up at the sky and let out an exhale of smoke as he pointed out,  
“Nice night, isn’t it?”  
“Yeah bit cold though,”  
He snorted a laugh at this, “You’re always cold.”  
She couldn’t help but smile, there was something about Tom’s charm that Bea couldn’t help herself fall a victim of. She looked at her shoes as she asked,  
“What have you been up to it?”  
It was then he saw the chance. He lowered his head from upwards and turned his face, displaying the shiner that was apparent now in sight. Bea let out a low whistle, similar to when she had saw Finn’s,  
“What a shiner ay, you and Finn are no worse than each other,”  
Her little laughter came to an abrupt halt as Tom told her,  
“Well they are brothers.”  
She frowned, flicking the end of her cigarette. Little bits of ash swirled around in a little dance with the wind, “What do you mean?”  
Tom stared at her, inhaling his smoke slowly. A grin pooled out along with the exhale,  
“Finn didn’t tell you? This is his handiwork.”  
“Oh ha, very funny, Tom.”  
Tom’s face had no traces of humor. The evidence proud around and underneath his eye socket, Bea knew Tom had no reason to lie and she thought back to where Finn’s mark had came from. Her conversation with Stacey echoing of when her friend had told her Tom had said hello to her earlier in the evening - before the scuffle. Bea’s jaw tightened as she tried to muster up a defence. She flicked away her cigarette, wrapping her arms around herself. Becoming aware of how cold it had gotten,  
“You’re lying, Finn got his from a fight protecting James he-”  
The information what had been given bullied it’s way into her ear. Tom scoffed,  
“Oh come on, Bea. You’re not stupid,” He looked at her face and let out a little laugh, he knew what he had done, “Wait? You really didn’t know? I’m guessing you don’t know about when he came down to Cornwall, for your birthday,”  
“Wha... What about Cornwall?”  
She was scared to ask, the anger building up inside her trapped every single nerved and seized up her muscles,  
“That when he came up he was in trouble and that he needed somewhere to stay,” He pointed out, as if it were really obvious.  
“That’s not true,” It was now her eyes gave away her anger, tears brimming as they threatened to spill. The hurt that burnt a hole inside of her, was something she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to fill again. Her fingers automatically twiddled the bee pedant between her finger and thumbs, the metal felt cold. Tainted, it had been given on the foundation and promises of lies,  
“Yeah, apparently he owed somebody money and apparently Tim told him how to get to your parents house and well,” He shrugged smugly, “I guess he found you.”  
There was something twinkling in Tom’s eyes that made Bea want to strangle him, she knew he was living for the hurt he had caused her. Just like she hurt him, an eye for an eye. Shoes scuffed against the gravel and Bea turned upon hearing,  
“Bea?”  
Finn’s smile was completely wiped when her contorted face came into light, her breathing caught in the back of her throat,  
“Bea? What’s the matter?”  
He approached her gently, hands automatically going to hold her. His touch retracted as she stepped back, his temper beginning to bubble as he heard,  
“We were just having a little chat, weren’t we, Bea?”  
Finn ignored Tom’s wicked smile and asked Bea softly, “What’s he said?”  
“Cornwall? Really?”   
“What are you talking about?”  
She scoffed and began to walk, he pulled her back and flinched as she snapped,  
“No! Just... No, Finn you.... You stay away from me, alright? You, you leave me alone,”  
“Bea, I don’t know what you’re talking about just explain to me please!”  
“It’s one thing, Finn, to lie about a fight. A fight is a fight but coming up to Cornwall, pretending it was for _my_ birthday using _my_ family because _you_ were in trouble that...” She couldn’t find the words to express what was happening inside her head and her heart, she shook her head as she ran a hand through her hair before she sniffed “I thought that.... I thought you weren’t who they said you were, I thought that wasn’t you. I thought Cornwall was special I-”  
“Cornwall _was_ special, Bea, don’t listen to him,”  
Her fingers tugged the clasp of the necklace forward as she attempted to undo it, “No, no it wasn’t,”  
She let out a frustrated cry as she was unable to unclip it, Finn stepped forward trying to help but was turned down, “No! Look, I’ll take it off when I get home. Don’t call me, don’t text me. I’ll get Tim to give it to you,”  
“Please Bea I’m begging you _please_ I-”  
His words were choked, pleading for her to see reason. Hands desperate to hold her, but she was out of his sight before they could; the darkness swallowing her as she disappeared.   
She was gone.


	13. Bruises.

Bea was counting down the days before she was back on the beach and in the arms of her family. With the absence of Finn, she had never felt so lonely. They hadn’t spoke for days after the argument and she was adamant it was over. She knew Finn was just as stubborn as she, she just couldn’t believe they had built a relationship on false trust and lies. She felt like she didn’t even know him entirely.  
Bea let out a huff as she wiped away the little damp patch that now lined her forehead on the back of her hand. She jumped hearing the door slam shut, thinking it was the wind did she step back slightly in surprise upon seeing a figure stand in the way; this felt like a sense of de ja vu,

“Sorry, we’re closed.”  
But the figure said nothing, just lingered around the doorway. Between the silence and the shadowing covering their face, did Bea find herself clutch the mop tighter. It acting as a weapon if the stranger were suddenly to attack her. The only logical thing that popped in her mind was that she were being robbed,  
“Listen if you’ve come for money, we don’t keep it here. It-it gets banked an-an-  
“I’m not here for money.” The voice was malicious, pinching every single one of Bea’s nerves endings. It was now he moved in to light the noticeable scar that cut into his cheek made her knees tremble, trying not to cower did she straighten her back,  
“Well like I said we’re closed so if you could just lea-”  
“Finn’s always liked them pretty but he’s really outdone himself with you,”  
Her heart thudded at the mention of Finn,   
“What do you want?” Her voice came out in a whimper, she had tried to sound like she meant warning but with only a mop for protection; she knew she never stood a chance. He was edging towards her, stopping as he was in touching distance,  
“He always leave you on your own?” He sucked his teeth, shaking his head, “Silly boy.”  
His eyes taunted her, fingers skimming up and down one of the pinball machines as he moved closer, Bea stepped back, but stopped as the counter hit the back of her legs and tailbone,  
“He-he doesn’t, in fact he’ll be here soon so I’d leave if I were y-”  
“Is he? I thought he was busy, down at the gym. A spin class right?”  
  
He wasn’t stupid, Bea was an idiot to have thought this. Of course this man, whoever he was, wouldn’t have turned up when there was a chance he would have a run in with Finn. He had been watching, planning when he could get Bea on her own. She knew this was to do with the original trouble that Finn had found himself in, the reason they were currently whatever they were,  
“What do you want?” She asked, again, only this time her breathing hitched at the back of her throat. Threatening tears. She felt herself flinch as his stubby finger came into view, caressing her cheek as he tutted,  
“Come on now don’t cry, I’ve not come to hurt you. No, it’s not you we want. It’s your boyfriend,”  
“Finn isn’t my boyfriend,”  
“Are you not Bea?” But it wasn’t a genuine question, more of a tease. A warning. _Don’t lie to me._  
“Please, I won’t tell him,” Her voice no more than now a frightened whisper. This, seemed to amuse the man. Her cheek feeling dirtier the more he touched,  
“Oh no I _want_ you to tell him, no no no I want you to let him know just how easy it is. How scared you were, I want him to come find me. Little boy trying to play a man’s game,”  
Bea didn’t want to know what kind of games Finn got involved with. She knew what kind of person he was. Through rumours, through recent happenings and from his own mouth. But now seeing it, in person, after being so blind by his captivating smile; it was real. It wasn’t a rumour, or a whisper,  
“What is it you want me to tell him?” She had now found her voice, eyes hardening. Working up something that was not quite courage, “I’ll tell him whatever you want, just please leave,”  
His face had now moved in on hers, bending with her over the counter as she tried to lean away.  
“So soft...” A moan,”So beautiful,”  
Bea let out a cry as his hand gripped her hair, pulling her upward and her cheek into his nose,  
“You, you tell him how I touched your face. Held you by your hair, tell him where my hands have been,” She squirmed as his hands began roaming her body, feeling every part of her. His hand roughly caught her jaw, squeezing her cheeks, he prised the mop from her hands and threw it aside, “You tell him, that I can take you away from him and that I’ll be waiting for him. Can you do that for me, princess?”  
She nodded, his hand soaked with her tears, “Good girl,” It was then he let go, pushing her backwards slightly. She held on to the counter, supporting her weight. Trying her hardest not to collapse onto the floor,  
“I’ll see you very soon, Beatrice,”  
He was gone as quick as he came. Bea waited until he was out of sight, before she folded into her self. Sobs echoed throughout the place. Her shoulders shook under every cry she let out, unable to catch her breath. She needed Finn and he wasn’t there, all the times where he had rescued her; nowhere to be found when she needed him. Bea, was a strong girl. She had batted off enough guys to prove she could hold her own, but now dependent on Finn; she had found herself weak. Her mind swam, scared of what was to come. Would the man really try and take her away? Images of her being threw into a van, screaming for help haunted her. What would she do now? How did this work, did she phone the police? Did she tell a secret society that dealt with this sort of thing? She didn’t want to move, terrified in case somebody else was waiting for her in the shadows. How had Bea gone from a little village in an unknown town, to now being threatened by big men with scars.The uncertainty frightened her. Out of it all, though, there was one thing that she knew for certain;  
She wouldn’t tell Finn, She couldn’t.

****  
Her eyes landed on her phone. The black screen facing towards the ceiling, Finn had called and text relentlessly, texts speaking of how this fighting was stupid and that he _really missed her_ , and after the second day Bea had to switch it off. She couldn’t face him, not yet. Although she couldn’t lie she felt hurt. Hurt he hadn’t come crashing through her front door, demanding she see him. Had Sarah let slip what happened? In a moment of anger had she called Finn, telling him he was bloody useless at keeping Bea safe; unlike the promises he had spoke? Did that mean he was on the hunt? Had he saw this as a warning to stay away from Bea, shielding her from it all?  
Bea’s shoulders shook, tightening the blankets around her hearing her door click open,  
“Hey,” Spoke a gentle voice, “It’s just me.” Sarah now came into view, perching on the side of the bed; her fingers began to comb Bea’s hair away from her face,  
“Finn called again,” A pause, “He’s going out of his mind. You need to tell him, Bea, you can’t live like this,”  
She knew Sarah meant well but Bea couldn’t help as she sniffed, “I can’t, Sa, I can’t he’ll kill him. I’ve seen him, seen him nearly snap somebody’s neck for knocking into me by accident. Imagine if I told him somebody had threatened me, on _purpose_?”   
“I know, but maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll be more arsed about you, trying to keep you safe. Maybe he won’t give the guy a second thought, he cares about you, Bea. It’s not fair on him, he just wants to know you’re ok. I’ve tried telling him but he wants to hear your voice,”  
Suddenly, four frantic knocks sounded out throughout the flat. Bea’s eyes darted to Sarah, curling in her bed further. Sarah calmed her before telling her she would be back in a moment, probably Tim being sent on Finn’s orders.

Sarah would be lying if she said she wasn’t cautious. With Bea’s trauma being so close to home, Sarah found herself grab a kitchen knife. Hiding it behind her back. As she lifted the latch and open the door, her body relaxed and she pulled the knife round to her front,  
“Oh it’s you,”  
“What’s with the knife?”  
Finn looked like he hadn’t slept, hair crying out for a brush,  
“Nothing. It’s nothing,”  
He glanced from the object to Sarah, “Where is she?”  
“Asleep, she’s not in the mood to see anybody,”  
“Well I’m not anybody,”  
He pushed past her, making way for Bea’s bedroom. He was pulled back,  
“Don’t, Finn, please. She’s fine, she just... She needs to sleep,”  
“But why? Come on, Sarah, give me something,”  
“Nothing, honestly she’s just... She’s poorly,”  
“So, let me go and see if she needs anything.”  
He tried to move once again, but was stopped. Sarah was now desperate,  
“I can’t let you see her, Finn, she’ll go mad if I let you in,”  
“Well can you just at least let me know what’s happening? I’ve been going ballistic, thinking something happened to my girlfr- I mean Bea,” He caught himself, the word almost slipping from his lips. He wasn’t sure entirely what they were currently, the undiscussed argument had Finn baffled. Sarah so badly wanted to tell him, her heart softening upon now seeing him face to face. Speaking over the phone was easier to keep him away, “I can’t, Finn, it’s not up to me.”

“It’s up to me.”  
A voice spoke from the door, pulling their eyes in it’s direction,  
“Bea? What’s happened to you?” Finn’s words almost a gasp.  
It was now Sarah saw her, standing up for the first time in days. Eyes bloodshot and hair stuck to her head. She looked awful, not the bright eyed girl Sarah knew. Her skin was ghostly, her cheeks were sunken,   
“Nothing, I’m fine,”  
Her body was slightly concealed by the door frame. Protecting herself,   
“See? Nothing to worry about.” Sarah tried to reassure, trying to reassure herself more than anybody. 

Finn knew that couldn’t be farther from the truth,  
“Why haven’t you been answering your phone? I’ve been worried sick,”  
But before Bea could muster up an excuse, Sarah spoke,  
“I’ll leave you to it,” Coat on and out the door.

“So,”  
“So what?”  
“Well, are you going to answer me?”  
“I told you, I’m fine,” A fold of the arms, “I just haven’t been feeling very well,”  
But his attention wasn’t on her lies any more, for now it was on the marks that were deep in her arm; four in total. Finger sized. Bea caught his eyeline and attempted to cover them, but it was too late. He moved over to her, gently pushing her hands away. He lifted her arm up, a thumb lightly stroking over the bruises, it was now he noticed the large mark on the inside. It close to the size of his own thumb. A burning began eating away at his chest,

“Wha.... What happened?” His voice was strained, trying hold back the anger. Somebody, some foul person had bruised her. Somebody had laid their dirty fingers on her, touched her. Whoever it was, had a death wish,  
“Nothing, I banged into the door and I-”  
“Don’t lie to me.” He barked, she pulled her arm back in fright. Eyes wild,   
“I’m not I-” Her chest grew tight, she could feel herself well to boiling point,  
“You expect me to believe a door can cause fingermarks!?” His voice was getting louder and louder, her ears started ringing. She tried to block him out,   
“Well no but I-”  
“Do you think I’m stupid? I know handprints!”  
Her breathing grew uneven, she tried to calm herself down. She just needed him to be quiet,  
“Of course I don’t, it’s just it-”  
“Well then how did it happen? Answer me, Bea!”  
“Finn, please stop shou-”  
 _Think of your blankets, Bea. Think of your safe place. Safe place. Safe place._  
“Tell me!”  
“It was because of you!”

Her eyes were squeezed shut as she cried the confession. Scared to open them. Her ears picked up the sound of nothing, the quiet deafening. She peeled them open to see Finn had now took a step back, his mouth open in silent movement. Disbelief at what had come out of her mouth, not wanting to believe his own ears,  
“What?”  
“It,” She exhaled, feeling her chest loosening, “Was because of you, Finn.”  
“But who... I...”  
His words failed him, the revelation of being told he was the reason behind it all completely floored him. Knocking the wind out of him,  
“I don’t know who he was, but he wanted you. That’s all he told me, he didn’t tell me his name. Nothing,”  
“What did he look like?”  
“Why does it matter, Finn? I’m alive aren’t I,”

He stood still, nothing but his eyes moving as he watched her walk over to the kitchen. Picking up the kettle, taking it over to the sink to fill. Her breezy attitude left him stunned. Why else would it matter? Why did she think, this wasn’t something that could be dusted under the rug. This wasn’t something he could let go,  
“Why does it matter? Why does it matter?” His voice raised, “Because it just does ok!”  
It was now the kettle was slammed down, the noise bouncing around the walls. Her fingers clutched the edge of the sink as her head dropped into her chest, trying to steady her breathing. Finn could only watch, he wanted to hold her. Tell her he was sorry over and over, and that she was safe. But he knew it was useless, something completely out of his control,  
“I’m scared, Finn,” She admitted, “I’m scared. I know the moment you walk out that door, you’ll do something that will start something that I don’t want to think about,” It was now she let go of the sink, turning around to him, “I thought that if I didn’t tell you, get myself together then I... I could forget about it. Pretend it didn’t happen, move on. I thought what I was doing was right, I thought I could protect you but Sarah was right, I should’ve told you. I’m sorry but this is exactly what I mean! I can’t deal with this, not now,”

He saw this as an invitation to hold her. He timidly approached, his hands cupping her face when close to her. Stroking her cheek with a thumb, his gentle touch wiping away the invisible dirt marks from another’s hand. She had missed his touch, melting into it almost instantly,  
“Bea. I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting you, not the other way round and I’m sorry I didn’t. That’s something I’ve got to deal with, not you. You should’ve told me, I... I could’ve helped you, I could’ve... I could’ve done something,” He pulled her into his arms, completely wrapping her up, “I’m sorry, Bea,” He mumbled into the crown of her hair, in between a kiss, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

She was back in his arms, that was all that mattered in that moment. She was safe, she was here. Out of prying hands,   
“What happens now?”  
He moved back slightly, “Nothing, don’t... Don’t worry about it,”  
“You’re not going to do something stupid are you?”  
“No,” A lie, “I promise.”  
She snuggled herself back into his embrace, Finn lulled her as he spoke through whispers, rocking her slightly side to side,  
“I’ve got you... I’ve got you.”  
She sighed into his chest, the burden of another secret weighed heavily upon on her shoulders,  
“Finn?”  
“Hmm?” He looked down at her, thumbs stroking either side of her face. She couldn’t look into his eyes, she knew what would be coming out of her mouth would hurt him. She shook her head and said,  
“Nothing, I’m just glad you’re here.”  
He smiled and pulled her back in, Bea could only feel guilt. Between the bruises and the warmth of his chest, the other news could wait. 


	14. Cornwall.

“ _Shit_.”  
Bea’s voice came out in a little whisper, her feet stumbled slightly in her heels. Not being given much room in the slightly askew line. Hushed words of anticipation and nerves hummed through the excited students. Move here, stand there, do this, straighten up. Bea had never been given so many instructions before, she altered her graduation cap straight as it had tilted slightly under her movement. One of the professors had a little trickle of sweat glisten on his forehead, reminding Bea of the October sun and the layer of her gown and dress. Sweater weather of a morning, sunstroke by afternoon, Bea was shuffled forward by a hand, almost sending her tumbling into the old man’s chest. He flickered through the list before scribbling out her name on the sheet, whispering,  
“ _Right ok, Miss Flowers. Go._ ” 

From behind the curtain could her name being called be heard, followed by enthusiastic claps and whistles. She glanced at Sarah behind her, who gave a thumbs up of encouragement. Bea took a deep breath and took the first few steps.  
_Don’t fall. Don’t fall. Don’t fall._  
Her heart jackhammered within her chest rattling her shoulders as her eyes glanced outwards towards the crowd. She snapped back her vision, now focused on the Chancellor as he outstretched a hand her degree, her entire future, clutched in a scroll in his other. She continually warned herself silently not to fall, telling herself it was only a few more feet. She caught the smile of her mother, who’s eyes were full of happy tears. Theo stood in his suit, grumpy and arms folded, had he gotten taller? Her dad was sat in his wheelchair, his little hat barely visible over the crowd and Finn... He had gotten a haircut, his face freshly shaven and his suit neatly ironed. His smile was wide, his fingers coming up to his mouth as they joined together to create a dog whistle.  
But Bea didn’t have time to fawn over his appearance, for her hand was grasped in a shake. The Chancellor pulled her into his side and she barely had time to muster up a smile as the standard ‘ _Look at me giving this degree I’m the Chancellor I’m so important blah blah_ ’ Photo was taken. The flash blinded her ever so slightly. His hand shoved the degree in her hands a little too harshly before his attention turned to the next student. This was her cue to leave, to join the rest of the freshly graduated.  
She wasn’t sure whether it was because she was impatient to be with everybody, but the ceremony seemed to drag on. Eventually the last name was called, the last degree was given and the students were all shoved back on stage; ready for the final photo: The Hat Throwing.  
The photographer couldn’t have gave off the ‘I want to be somewhere else’ Impression more if he tried, he ushered the tall to line up at the back; demanding the small ones stand to the front. Eventually organised, the graduates clutched their caps eagerly,  
“Ok! Big smiles! 3 2 1!”   
As hard as they could between the concentration of throwing the cap right and not being hit; they smiled as best as they could. Some caught their caps, some were unfortunate enough to be hit in the face; picking up the blunt object with a groan. More applause was heard, only louder and more enthusiastic - just happy to now being allowed in the air conditioned building. Seats creaked and feet shuffled, the ceremony was over,  
“We did it!”  
Sarah barrelled into Bea, nearly knocking her sideways. Malik following, arms open as he swallowed them both into a shared hug. They had done it, all those hungover study sessions and last minute stresses completely paid off. Sarah had came out on top with a 1:1. Malik had just barely scraped by with a Third; well all those holidays certainly didn’t help but they had done it. Together,  
“Are you sure you don’t wanna come the club later? Come on, they’re doing a special thing for the graduates!” Sarah told Bea, the outing would be their final celebration but this time the whole of their year would be joining; unlike the housemates’ little night out they did in the summer, Bea shook her head. Telling her friend glumly,  
“I can’t, I’ve got to pack. But if I get it done early enough, I’ll pop in for a drink,”  
Sarah and Malik shared a smile, they knew full well Bea wanted the night with Finn and although they would love nothing more than to have their friend join; Finn always came first. Sarah was the first to give Bea a loving kiss on the cheek, followed by Malik. The two wandered off in search of the open bar, whilst Bea wanted her family.   
Her little legs danced down the steps, moving in a hurried walk as she darted through the crowd. Her head bopping over as she attempted to see over the sea of people as they all moved towards the building. Whilst she went in one direction, they went in the other. Her arms fighting against the current and there they were. Proud as punch as they waited for her,  
“Mum! Dad!”  
She hurled herself into her mum’s arms, the sound of sniffling and past tears to be heard from Karen as she told her,  
“Oh Darling, well done!”  
Another hug. She moved to Theo, who groaned as his teenage years were beginning to rear their ugly head. She gave him an eye roll and moved to her father, who had kept his promise of holding on until her graduation. The graduation took a lot of the nurses at the hospice, where David now resided, convincing but on the promise of heading straight back after the ceremony did they let him. She bent down, wrapping her arms around him as best as she could as the little contraption he sat in didn’t allow a full embrace. She straightened herself up, eyes wide and smile beaming,  
“I can’t believe it, me? Graduated? It’s crazy!”  
“You know what else is crazy? Mum insisting I wear a suit in this weather,” Complained Theo, who’s voice had gotten noticeably lower. Bea shared a smile with her brother as her mum hushed him. She could feel Finn’s eyes burning into her, but she wanted to save him for last,  
“Darling, we’re just going to pop in and get a drink before we set off are you coming?”  
“I,” She tossed a glance at Finn before back to her mum, “I will in a second,”  
Karen got the hint and began pushing David towards the rest of the crowd, Theo strolling behind. Wanting to be anywhere but there in that suit. Bea smiled as she watched them before they were out of sight, it was then she turned to Finn and her eyes twinkled with something mischievous,   
“I always forget how good you look in a suit,”  
Her fingers twirled around his tie as he laughed softly at her, she pulled him in for a kiss. The couple had been a lot more better as of late. Between the falling out and the threatening, Bea never left Finn’s side and Finn tied himself to her. The pair came as one. Although desperate for one another, Finn was the more loving. As where Bea was the one who was often the inciter when it came down to bed time. They pulled apart before it began to get too PG13,  
“I’m so proud of you,”  
“I’m proud of me too, I can’t believe it’s over.”  
Bea tossed a little smile towards one of her fellow students, her words came off a little more sad than she had wanted. Three years, over in a flash. The what lay ahead excited her, really it did but it was looming quicker than she had realised. University had felt like a little bubble, telling her reality was light years away but it wasn’t. It was here, it was now. The two hand in hand began walking towards inside,   
“So, what time are we setting off?” She asked, hopeful he hadn’t caught on. Okay, so she may have told a little fib to her friends. She was already packed and she knew time was precious with her dad, and as soon as her family’s thirst was quenched and her stuff was in the car; they would be setting off for Cornwall,  
“As soon as your mum and dad are ready, you all packed?”  
“Mmhm,” She nodded, the air conditioner greeted them both pleasantly as they stepped indoors. Chairs and tables had been set up throughout the hall; along with a buffet and a bar. Finn and Bea chatted as they weaved in and out of tables upon seeing where her dad and Theo sat, her mother somewhere by the bar. The attendance of the crowd had already spiked, for a lot of students were returning home and some were getting ready for the night out; including Sarah and Malik. Although Bea was a little disheartened they were gone, it relaxed her for the goodbye would now be easier,  
“I am roasting, Bea be a good girl and help me out this coat,”  
She told Finn to take a seat whilst she helped out her dad wriggling out of his coat, a relieved sigh came from his mouth as he was peeled free from the warm clothing. Her mother had overestimated how cold it would’ve been standing outside, although his medication made his body temperature drop and leave him vulnerable to so much as the common cold; even he was getting warmer. Finn tried his best not to stare at David’s bone-like arms,  
“Thanks, kiddo,”  
He groaned pleasantly as he sat back in his wheelchair. Theo had now shed his jacket, and Finn was debating it too. The coolness of the room being taken over by body heat and sunlight as it poured through the glass,  
“So what time are you kids coming up?”  
“When you guys go, I know mum will be planning something,”  
David said nothing. He knew Bea was used to her mother’s little surprises by now, whenever there was a celebration; her mother went all out. Streamers, cake, drink. Even if it were to be only four of them; for David was instructed to be taken back the hospice as soon as they stepped foot back on Cornish soil. Her dad let out an abrupt cough that alerted the table, all almost jumping to their feet but stopped by David holding up a hand,  
“I’m fine,” His words came out in a wheeze, he coughed a little more into his hand before he cleared his throat. Insisting he was okay. Saved by Karen, she came into view with drinks for the table. Orange for Finn and David, coke for Theo and something stronger for herself and Bea. Knowing Finn would be driving. He could have something with them when they arrived up back to Cornwall. Conversation was passed between the adults, whilst Theo’s nose was buried in his phone. But Finn could not help but watch David, scared in case one cough wrong and he keeled over. He couldn’t remember him being so thin, so tired looking. He knew he was on his last legs, the coughing getting worse and the lack of breath as he talked strong enough evidence. He appeared to be the only one uncomfortable, for the family had been around him enough lately that this was nothing new. Although his appearance broke their hearts more as the days went on, they knew spending time with him and trying to keep him comfortable was all they could do.  
Time grew on and the family weren’t sure when it was an appropriate or polite time to leave. When David’s coughing grew louder, Karen knew it was time. Bea could’ve swore David’s coughs were fake, for he secretly knew his daughter just wanted to get back to the beach house. She was grateful either way, for she couldn’t wait. Plus, she wanted to have some peace with Finn with her heels off and her robe threw on the back seat. The October evenings were a lot more colder than it’s afternoons, and the little group of five wrapped their coats and jackets tighter as they made headway for the car.   
Another round of hugs and kisses were given, but not of congratulations. Of goodbyes. Words speaking of how they’ll see each other back up at the house. Bea and Finn wrapped up in one another as they waved, the car getting smaller as it drove off in the distance and out of the car park. Something didn’t sit right in Bea’s chest, a sickly feeling and she wondered whether it was too late to call her mum and ask would it be okay if she drove up with them instead. She hadn’t noticed Finn had left her side as she hovered, he called out to her as he waited by his car door,  
“You ready?”  
She took a moment before turning, smiling,  
“Ready.”

****  
Last night was a celebration, to put it lightly. Karen had even let Theo drink an alco-pop that was the colour of orange. Finn and Bea couldn’t keep up with Karen, who knocked back the drinks. Both in celebration and sadness her eldest was now graduated. Finn awoke to yet again an empty bed and his head felt like it had been shrunken in the wash; two sizes too small for his shoulders. He let out a groan into his hands, the nauseating movement upsetting his stomach.  
He allowed himself to take a moment before he sat up, letting out a yawn and bringing back the feeling to his limbs. He reached over for his phone, remembering last time he woke up to an empty bed it was early. Although the light outside was just as dull as last; it was gone past ten and it was now he noticed the house was too quiet considering the inhabitants were early risers. He threw back the covers and forced himself out of bed. Searching the floor for something warm to cover himself. Sweats and a jumper to match. Timing in sync with itself, the floorboard creaked. The only sign of life throughout the place, no sight or sound of anything else. The house eerily still.   
Something in the air didn’t sit right with him, heightening his senses as his ears listened out for anything that signalled somebody was alive. He moved down the stairs and through to the kitchen, the familiar cool air drifted past his ankles and alerted him that the back door was open but this time Bea didn’t occupy the steps. Nobody did. As he wandered through, he noticed empty bottles and glasses were scattered along the table. Streamers abandoned as they were tossed over different parts of furniture.   
His hand pushed the door open wider, the squeaking loud in his hungover ears. He spotted her, out on the beach which caused him to frown. Her body was coat less, only a jumper protecting her upper half. Little shorts doing nothing to keep her legs warm. Finn smiled to himself, rolling his eyes; knowing she was as hungover as he and she needed the sea air as a curer. He closed the door behind him, blocking any more cold running free throughout the house and took off into a jog as he headed towards the beach. Although it upset his stomach, he continued; her figure getting larger as he got closer. He slowed to a walking pace and joked,  
“You feeling it too?”  
She didn’t say anything. Her fingers to her neck as she fiddled with her necklace. Just continuing to stare outwards. This, reminded Finn of a zombie flick he had once seen many moons ago. The unsuspecting boyfriend would laugh and tell a joke before his hand would touch his girlfriend’s shoulder and turn her around; only for his face to be chewed off. The thought creeped him out a little,  
“Bea.”  
She said nothing for a moment further and his breath caught in the back of his throat as he waited. She turned and he felt his chest tighten upon seeing the reddened cheeks, and the puffed eyes,  
“Bea?”  
Her lip wavered and she sniffed, her fists curling her sleeves into bunches as she whimpered, “The hospice phoned, and erm...” She couldn’t speak. She didn’t need to. Finn’s heart completely torn inside him. He didn’t know what to say, what could he say? I’m sorry? There were no words that could comfort her right now, no sounds could he make could make her feel better. He didn’t even want to put his arms around her, scared in case she would shatter under his hold. Everything Bea knew had completely vanished over night, university finished. Her lease on her flat would soon be up and now this. Why couldn’t life just stop for one moment?   
She now bout into a fit of hysterics and Finn caught her as she collapsed in his arms. He lowered them both to the floor, and her cries came out as screams. He rocked her back and forth, unable to help himself as he began to now cry also. But his tears were no match for the sobs that came from Bea’s mouth. Her voice getting lost in the wind and the sound of the waves.   



End file.
